A Mother's Heart

Where have YOU been?!?!

Oh right-I'M the one whose been missing from this blog. I know it's been a while. I have written in my head, so many things I wanted to share with you, I just couldn't find the time to type it out. Life is so busy, I can't keep everything straight. Today the Lord knew I needed a much needed break. The boys are resting and I’m eating ice cream, listening to Pandora and BLOGGING!!!! As I was trying to figure out what to do in this quiet living room, I was reminded of a blog post I’d written a few weeks ago, which happened to remind me of a photo I took this weekend. I went and edited this a little so it’s not so raw, but for the most part, I think raw and written from the heart is better than polished with perfect English! I wrote this a few weeks ago…

Last night I could not sleep, I was writing in my head, over and over the words on my heart. I was laying silent, yet screaming on the inside. Sad, discouraged, not sure what to do and pouring my heart out to the One who could hear my inward thoughts. Parenting-it is no easy thing. My husband and I were struggling with some discipling issues with our daughter. Tough love is so much easier to say than to do!

Our oldest is turning 12 this month-and I am struggling with this birthday, probably more than any other she's had so far. It is the last one where she is technically not turning a teenager and technically not turning an adult. How can I raise her to be the person God wants her to be with a heart sold out to Him, in the midst the world we live in?

Most of my daughter’s friends either have a cell phone, an ipod touch or some type of handheld internet device. When they hang out together, they’ll watch music videos and look up stuff on Google. I once read several years ago that you should put your computer in the living room-not in some back, closed door office. This way when your kids are on the internet, you can keep an eye on what they are looking at. How are we as parents supposed to do that and regulate what our children see, when it comes in the form of a two inch square that can fit in your back pocket?

Recently we upgraded our cell phones to Droid's. I've got to admit-being able to check email, look up live weather maps, directions, and any other kind of info-has come in very handy. I'm not sure I'd ever want to go back. Yet, one thing I've noticed is when I'm on the internet on my phone, using various app's etc. there is almost always some type of ad on the bottom of my screen. It is usually near a button I need to push, almost causing me to accidentally hit the wrong thing. It's not a Wal-mart ad or an innocent infomercial-no it's usually some type of dating site. If I get that kind of JUNK on my own phone-I can only assume others do to-including those innocent girls who have the same types of hand held internet devices.

We know that as children of God, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, ...it's against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) We also know that the Thief "comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10). A while ago, I started praying that God would open our eyes to the spiritual battles going on all around us; that He would send His bright light to make all things visible (Eph 5:13). When life gets hard, it is so easy to blame it on someone else or that you are simply just having a bad day; maybe it was being at the wrong place at the wrong time, or simply being busy etc, etc. when in reality, many times it's a spiritual battle we face, every moment of our lives...and our children are in that same battle-it is our job to protect them as much as we can, from that evil-to teach them to recognize it when they are in tempting situations and to stand up and fight against it. We cannot create a safety bubble around our kids, but we can create a prayer cloud that surrounds them, going with them. When we started homeschooling, so many people accused us of being naive-like the only reason we pulled our daughter out of school was so we could control her environment. I am not stupid-I know that she will be exposed to the world and all it holds, but I am responsible to make sure she can handle it when those times come.

This morning, as I was reading God's Word I came across this verse, "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the One who calls you." (Galatians 5:7-8). As our children grow-they are more aware of their peers-what they get to do, how they get to dress, what their parents let them watch on TV and books they let them read. Suddenly the child who looked up to us, is now looking to others to fit in and their approval matters more. We must try and encourage good friendships-the kind who will encourage them to be the kind of people God wants them to be. It is our job to make sure that those things-or other people will not sway them from God's path-that they will not "cut in" on them and lead them down a wrong road.

I encourage you to pray for your children and to be their parent. Don’t be afraid to say no or to discipline them when they do wrong. It’s how they grow and how they learn right from wrong. It's ok for them to be disappointed and to not have everything they want. Those hard times can create important life lessons that will stay with them forever. As a parent, I am to raise them to love the Lord, to build that spiritual foundation that they can build on for the rest of their lives. And then I must let them go-all the while praying they will follow His path for their lives.

"He tends His flock like a shepherd;He gathers the lambs in His arms and He carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."~Isaiah 40:11

More Important

I don't understand why young people who are so full of life, have to die. I don't know why God closes the womb of women who long for a child and would make amazing mothers. Why does He allow good people to be struck with illnesses and disease that change their lives forever? Why does He let children be hurt and abducted? In situations like these it's easy to ask, "Why, Lord...why?"

The other night we were driving home and out our window was the pinkest, brightest sunset I think I have ever seen. As soon as we got home, I rushed inside to grab my camera to try and capture this gift God had placed right outside my door. I stood on our neighborhood sign, climbed a tree, walked up a large hill, yet no matter how hard I tried, I could not get above the outline of houses in the neighborhood to capture this amazing view. It was not quite how I pictured it in my head. Just as I was about to jump back in my car and try to find a higher ground, a verse popped in my head. It was plain as day, here I was looking up with man-made houses in my view, while God's amazing artwork lay ahead, just beyond my eye. I could see a glimpse of it, but nowhere near the whole picture. Suddenly I knew-this was the picture He wanted me to capture, this was His message.

I will go to my grave not understanding why horrible, heart wrenching things happen to innocent people. God's Word says His ways are not even LIKE our ways, His thoughts are not even LIKE our thoughts. They don't even compare. They are not in the same ballpark or the same universe. satan can take a small amount of "Why, Lord?" and turn it into a boulder that blocks ones view of the Lord walking along side you.

There are a lot of things in this world that I will never understand, but I will also go to my grave knowing that God loved me-Marion, so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me (John 3:16). He would rather die than live eternity without me...or without you. The enemy tries over and over to knock us down and then to keep us there, but when you find yourself on your knees-turn to the One who will lift you up again. Turn to the one who DOES have all the answers, even when you don't. He does hear your prayers and He loves you more than you will ever, ever know. And knowing that, is more important than all those other things that I will never understand.

"You bestow glory on me and lift up my head,

to the Lord I cry out and He answers me from His holy hill."

Psalms 3:3-4

I ♥ the Beach! You Can Say That Again!

This week at I Heart Faces, it's all about the BEACH! Can I just say how much I LOVE looking at beach pictures! I have already scrolled through quite a few on the web site and there are some really great ones to look at!

The photo I chose for this weeks challenge is from a month or so ago when we went on our family vacation to Myrtle Beach. Our youngest had just taken his first few steps the week before we left. This is one of the first pictures I have of him actually walking. Time sure does fly in the faces of your children, doesn't it?

Make sure you check out all the amazing beach entries at www.IHeartFaces.com You don't want to miss this week!

Your Reflection

A friend was recently telling me about a sermon she heard. The preacher said that at the end of the day we should always say, "This was the best day!" because it is the day that the Lord has made and everything He makes is perfect and without blemish. Wow-that sounds so easy, but in reality, it can be so hard to do! That has been my personal challenge-To look at my days as God's day, holy and perfect, knowing that nothing comes at me without going through Him first. Nothing.


I took this picture while we were at Myrtle Beach a few weeks ago. It reminded me of a verse my mom has written on a small index card on her fridge. If you look up the whole passage, 2 Corinthians 3:15-22, you will read about how when the Holy Spirit lives within you, you reflect God's glory and are transformed into His likeness! If only I could remember that as He brings trials my way. If only I could remember that I am reflecting Him-not me, then my words and my actions would often be so different...then everyday would truly be, The Best Day Ever!

Choose!

Yesterday morning I rolled over, looked at the clock and started praying. I knew this was the beginning of another school year, the beginning of new challenges and new adventures. Every school year starts with a measure of excitement. Last week was the first day of public school. Like every year, it always leaves me wondering if we are doing the right thing. I can remember how much fun that first day of school was. You had the new clothes, your backpack ready with shiny pencils and sharp crayons. You wondered what friends you would see and who would be in your class. It was exciting! I start to question our decision to homeschool. Are we doing the right thing? Is Randol missing out? Every year I wonder these things, I doubt my calling to homeschool, but only a tiny bit. And every year God reassures me, once again and reminds me to focus on HIM-not myself, not the world, but to rest in HIM and His calling for my life.

This summer I was desperate for Bible study. Many of you may have seen where I blogged about memorizing as much of James as I could this summer, which was good, but I needed something more. I remembered a book Wesley had bought me last year for Christmas. Beth Moore had come out with a Personal Reflection Series. I did the one on Jesus and loved it so much Wesley bought me the one on David for Christmas. I picked it up and decided that was what I would do over summer. I just love Beth, always have. This book is not like most of her books. It is shorter and written in a journal type style, where you read between 10-25 verses a day, there's life application and a part to write about.

Yesterday, on the first day of a new school year my devotion ended with asking, "What are some of the best opportunities you can take in the lives of your children and grandchildren to infuse them with spiritual truth and wisdom?" Then at the end there is always a prayer, based on God's Word and it said, "May time spent in Your Word result in faith, not only for me but for my children..." What a reminder as I read and prayed, that I cannot do this homeschooling thing alone. I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF BED AND GO READ MY BIBLE! And more importantly, He has called me to teach my children at home and if I sent them to public or private school, would be to live outside of His will for my life.

In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 it says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." His Word is useful for every area of our lives and it equips us for EVERY good work. Not some, not a few, but every...when you are walking in His will for your life, you will bear good fruit, you will shine in a dark and dreary world. But, you've GOT to get out of bed, you've got to make that first step to pick up His Word and to read it. Ask Him to help you, to show you, to speak to you.

We all have different callings, different ways of raising our children, different jobs, different schedules...but we all have the same calling, the same purpose. Jesus said in Matthew, Mark and Luke that we "...must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me."

Today just as in Joshua 24:15b, you have a choice, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve." It's up to you, only you can decide. Are you going to take up your cross and leave yourself behind...are you going to trust the One who made you and loves you and walk in the shadow of His Almighty wings? Or will you settle for trying to do things on your own, in your own way? Only you can decide.

Shine!

Another school year is beginning. I am always amazed at how I feel this time of year. I hear friends talking about the apprehension of dropping their kids off at school for the first time, students excited to go back and see their friends, other homeschool moms, like myself trying to get it all together. It is a bittersweet time of year.You mourn the loss of freedom that summer brings, yet you're excited about the new adventures before you. I think as a mom, it is much like when my kids have birthdays-it's a reminder that time is moving rapidly and my children are growing (and a tiny part of you mourns that!), yet you are so proud and so thankful to be a part of that process.

One of my visions as a photographer is to one day make a coffee table book full of photos of God's creation, mixed with His Holy Word. His creation is so powerful. And so is His word. If I can strap the two together, maybe I can reach someone out there who is lost. Maybe the next time someone sees a beautiful sunrise or hears a thunderstorm-they will think of Him.

So why do I start off talking about school and then end with photography? Because I felt inspired this day as children go back to the hustle and bustle of the classroom. I thought of this picture that I took just a few weeks ago at the beach and was reminded of this verse.

As beautiful as God's sunrise is-His light that shines from you is more powerful and more radient. If you are a teacher greeting a new class-show those kids His light. If you are a student making new friends, trying to fit in and find your place in this world-never forget what a difference you can make on your campus. Be HIS light this school year. As the old saying goes, "You may be the only Bible a person ever sees".

So go! Let your light shine before others and watch to see what heavenly opportunities He brings your way! Now that sounds like my kind of adventure! Happy 2010-2011 school year everyone-let the fun begin!

I Heart Teens!

This week at I Heart Faces it's all about celebrating teenagers! I think this is such a fun idea! The photo I chose is from last weeks Senior Portrait shoot. I felt so honored to do these pictures. This teen is such an amazing young woman. She is so beautiful-inside and out. I chose this picture because I love her smile and how carefree she looks, holding flowers with a daisy in her hair. To check out more pictures from this day click here. I hope you'll visit http://www.iheartfaces.com/ and check out all the other fun entries!

No More To-Do's

Last week cleaning out a drawer in my kitchen, I found an old To Do list. Judging from the list, I'm guessing it was from the week of Randol's slumber party. It had things on there like, pick up goodie bags, find the best deal on pizzas, go to the craft store, buy ice cream, call about the cake etc. Looking at it, I easily remembered how stressed I was to get everything done-which I did manage to do, somehow. That was two months ago, yet it feels like it was only yesterday.

I have always been a list person. When I was in college and I'd get bored listening to some professors lecture, I'd start making a list of goals for that week. The funny thing is, so many times I would put things on there that I had already done just so I could feel a sense of accomplishment when I was able to cross off something! Mind games I guess.

The first few photo shoots I did, I would carry a small index card in my back pocket. On it, I would have a list of 3 to 5 different poses. It was my crutch. It was what I needed to get my creative juices flowing and the rest would stem from there. In so many of the photography books I've read the authors encourage you NOT to make a list. So often when we have a list, it is easy to just go line by line and miss other great photo opportunities. It is usually the non-posed, non-standard shots that end up being my favorite-the shots that would never have been listed on an index card in my back pocket.

A couple of weekends ago we were pulling into our driveway, coming home from the pool. My mind was swimming with To Do's-baths, start dinner, do a load of laundry, bedtimes etc. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a flower in my small garden. My heart skipped a beat and I said out loud,"I think Gramma's flowers are in my garden!" I jumped out of the van and ran to see. I was right! There in my yard were two of my Gramma Nance's favorite flowers. How on earth did they get there? I certainly hadn't planted them and I have never seen them in Lowe's or anywhere else that I buy plants. I am not sure what kind of flowers they are, but I do know they were my Gramma Nance's favorites. After she died and I had Foster, my Grampa brought me a big bouqhet of "Gramma's Favorite Flowers". For my 30th birthday a few months ago, my mom did the same. The only thing I can think of is, when I dumped out the vase of dead flowers after my birthday, some must have taken root and are now blooming in my yard. When I told my mom she was amazed and said, "Aww Marion, it's like she's smiling down on you saying hello!"

I often think about those flowers. If they hadn't caught my eye that day, I wonder how long it would have taken me to notice that they were even there. I am so scheduled, so busy, going line by line on my list of To Do's that days go by before I even look up.

When I found that old To Do list from March I thought about this summer. It is going to pass away fast and another school year will begin soon. I could easily waste away this time going to the pool, working, doing laundry and cleaning out closets. But in the scheme of eternity...do any of those things really matter? I decided that I want to do something BIG this summer-something that will last, something I can take with me...but what?!?

I heard about how the Middle Schoolers in our church are trying to memorize the whole book of James. I have heard of people who have memorized large portions of scripture and looked at them in amazement and wonder-and a little jealousy. I always think sadly, "I want to do something like that!" Only this time when I thought it, I heard God in His small voice whisper in my ear-"So why don't you?" That left me tongue tied. So why don't you? What is more important on some To Do list than learning God's Word? What will last longer than that? What has more meaning than THAT? I can't think of anything-can you?

This summer I have started doing just that. So far I am almost to verse 12 and for me-that is huge! I'm going to take the book section by section and see how far God takes me. I have let go of my lists, I'm not going to plan out everyday and every moment of my week. Like all those photography books say-if you live line by line-you could miss out on the really great stuff. And I don't want to miss out anymore!

I encourage you to ask God what HIS To Do list is for you this summer. I promise you, He DOES have a plan for you. Don't be so stuck to your own list, that you miss it. I know that you will be blessed more than you can imagine!

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city,

spend a year there, carry on business and make money."

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.

What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.

As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do

and doesn't do it, sins."

James 4:13-17

Professional Week: Baby Twin Girls!

I was so excited when my friend emailed me about taking pictures of her new baby twin daughters. I love taking pictures of babies so this was double the fun! These babies have two older sisters who just loved helping to do anything with their baby sisters. I kept thinking of my own two sisters and how much fun this group is going to have as they grow up together! Hopefully their poor daddy, who is very outnumbered, will be able to handle it! Whenever I hear people say, "We are going to have one more baby and then we are done." I think of this mama. That's what she said and God gave her two babies instead! Allison always tells people, "He knew that twins was the only way we'd end up with four kids!" I can't imagine the surprise of finding out you are carrying twins! God knew this mama could handle it. She takes these babies to church, out shopping and all over the place most folks don't go with only one baby! She is so amazing to me and makes parenting two infants look so easy! I wish I could be as laid back and relaxed over raising my own four children! I hope you enjoy these two little miracles.

Professional Week: A Family Session

When Kristin called to set up her family session, she was so excited-her husband was coming home for, "Fourteen days of heaven," as she said, on his R&R break from serving in Afghanistan. He has been gone since January and once he leaves again, he won't return until after Christmas. They have an adorable 12 month old baby girl. After I talked to Kristin, I noticed that she had joined my Marion's Photography Facebook Fan page. I clicked on her picture and saw pictures of her baby. She looked very familiar. I thought long and hard where I knew this baby's face from. I knew that I didn't know Kristin, though we do know many of the same people. Then I remembered a sweet baby from a year ago, who I had been asked to pray for. This child had a very complicated birth and my good friend Victoria had set up a Facebook page, giving updates and telling folks specifically what to pray for. This was the baby I had prayed for! How cool is that?

I instantly fell in love with this family. Kristin and I talked several times on the phone setting up and changing dates in the short time her husband would be home. The day of the shoot she hopped out of the car looking stunning in a yellow dress with heels. She had a huge smile on her face and she started going down a list in her head of different pictures she wanted to take. A few were specific, but most were just opportunities to try and capture their family simply being a family. This is one of my favorite things to do. I love to tell kids to go run and play and capture them in their true, real, not-in-front-of-the-camera selves. You can learn a lot about people by simply watching them interact together. This husband and wife duo seemed like they were still newlyweds, yet they had a wisdom and connection from troubles with their baby'ss birth and a strength that comes from being separated due to the military. They have already experienced so many hard times that most couples never have to go through in all their married lives. I could feel their faith in God during this hard time. I have often thought of them and prayed for them since that day. Kristin has returned home to Italy where they are stationed and her brave husband is fighting on mission in Afghanistan. I hope these images tug at your heart as they do mine. They need your prayers for safety and for peace of mind and for strength to make it through the day. I cannot wait to hear that they are reunited once again and that he is safe and sound at home with this family. What a glorious day that will be!

These next two are one of Kristin's requested poses. This represents her and Robbie being seperated-and looking forward to the day they will be together again.