The Season for Giving

So...I applied for a job this week, a paying job I should say.

Why am I doing this? Wesley keeps telling me I don't need to get a job unless I want too. Here is my logical brain...we are SO in debt because of school loans, we are struggling to pay off a measly $4000 credit card debt, how will we ever manage $150,000 in school loans? And that's not including our mortgage. Surely I can help us get ahead somehow. Plus, aside from our tithe, there is nothing left to give back.

...OK, I'm digressing, thinking out loud and giving too much information. I am always trying to keep my eyes and ears opened for new job possibilities; anyway I can juggle homeschooling, raising three children at home...and make some extra income. I have thought about selling baked goods or crafts, selling stuff on eBay, maybe even selling Rainbow vacuum cleaners. I always read the classifieds thinking maybe something will catch my eye and I'll know-this is the job opportunity for me.

My aunt used to work for Hallmark when she had small children and she would restock their cards, set up displays etc. in the local stores. I went to Hallmark.com and what would you know-they are hiring a part-time card merchandiser. I thought-perfect! You make your own hours and work independently. I figured that I could go after Wesley gets home from work and on the weekends. So I revised my resume and tried to send it in-the whole time praying that God would close the door and let me know if this wasn't His will.

I go to complete my application/resume and the computer closes out the web page so it doesn't send. The next day I go back and the web site says "Sorry, we are having technical difficulties please try back later!" It said this for two days. I knew-this was God's sign. Every time I tried to complete my application, I was thwarted, an obstacle came within me and my chance to apply for this job.

...But I was still determined, still convincing myself that this could be what I've been looking for. Finally, two days later I tried again and my application went through.

Isn't that how we are? We pray, asking God's answer, then He gives it and it's not the answer we want, so we do our own thing anyway! When will we ever learn? I kept thinking, "Maybe I'm reading into it. If He doesn't want me to have the job then He'll make sure they don't call me or they will find a better candidate. I'll keep trying!" I am such a mess sometimes!

The Lord has always provided for me and my family. We live in a pretty nice house, have a closet with clothes and food in our pantry. We are far from destitute. Why am I so obsessed with these loans? Wesley isn't. He says that they will get paid off in time, not to worry about it. Maybe its because I'm in charge of paying the bills and I'm reminded every month of what a long way we have to go. Quite possibly its because I am a control freak and having to send our money into some loan company who constantly ups its rates without any warning, makes me feel very NOT in control. I want to send our money in to whom we choose-not these gold-digger-take-the-shirt-off-your-back-as-long-as-you-keep-paying-their-interest-rates, loan companies.

Over the last several weeks we have gotten many nonprofit companies asking for money to help with the holidays; The Valley Rescue Mission, Red Cross, United Way, Goodwill, Angel Tree. All good companies, doing good work and all needing help desperately. My heart is burdened to help them, but my checkbook says otherwise. I keep thinking-if I had a job, I'd have the money to give. I have prayed about this and you know what God told me?

Give what you can.

"What do I have, that I can give?" I asked Him. So, He showed me.

If you come to my house, you will see only one car parked in our garage because the other side is full of stuff. While we could have a killer yard sale, Wesley says he'd rather give it away than sell it. It was then that I realized, this is what we can give. I can load up my van with probably two or three trips and donate it to Mission Columbus. Mission Columbus is a local place people can go who have no food or clothing and get it for free. More importantly, it is run by a man who is the interim pastor at my church and who is doing his best to share the Gospel with those he comes into contact with.

My donation this year won't come in the form of a check or cash, it will be in the form of bags of clothes and toys. And that's OK. He has given me a way that I can still give. Isn't giving what Christmas is all about? God gave His Son to be the Savior of the world. That is the true meaning of Christmas, right? Is He asking too much for me to give of my time and stuff to try and give back just a little of the blessings He has given me? Absolutely not!

So, I'm not holding my breath about working for Hallmark. I'm pretty sure He has already given me my answer to how He feels about that. I want His best for my life-not my best. So often I forget that. I see an opportunity and think it will help fix whatever situation I am in, while really I'm only getting in the way. Wesley is confident and assured that there will come a day that we will no longer owe our souls to school loans. I have to believe that as well.

Letting go and trusting my future to the One I cannot see, but whom I KNOW is there. Why is that so hard to do sometimes?

As you approach this Christmas season, ask Him, what does He want you to give? To be used by God is such a powerful thing. I know without a doubt that He has a little girl about Randol's height, that is going to love the clothes she will be getting. I'm quite certain there is a small child who will love to play with some of our stuffed animals and blocks. My mind was so focused on what I didn't have to give, that I had forgotten what I could give. His ways are not our ways. All along, I have had a garage full of blessings that could be used for His kingdom.

Every one's situation is different, but our mission is the same. Go out into the world and make more disciples, whether that is donating money to a worthy cause, being an example to your neighbors or donating your belongings to those who are more in need than you are. Anything you do or say that shows others Christ's love-is fulfilling the Great Commission! This time of year, its hard not to look around and see how much God has blessed us. Good family, good friends, good food and good fellowship. Could I really ask for anything more?