Happy Halloween!

Heavenly Timing

Our sweet Fosterman turned a whole four fingers this past weekend. Every year on his birthday, I can't help but reflect on God's timing surrounding his conception and his birth. Five years ago, I was married, living in Albany, GA and commuting to Columbus to finish up my business degree from Columbus State University. Two nights a week after Wesley got home from work, I'd drive straight to CSU and go to a late class, sleep at my parents house and then go to morning classes the next day. Randol was in kindergarten and she'd stay with Wesley. He'd drop her off at school in the morning and I'd be out of class and back in Albany in time to pick her up. In addition to finishing up my degree, Wesley and I had decided we'd start trying to have a baby. We both wanted me to be finished with school, but I think I really just wanted a child as close to Randol's age as possible and figured the whole school thing would work itself out!

Not long after my last semester started, we found out that my precious Gramma, who is still such a huge part of my heart, was dying. She had been a breast cancer survivor for over twenty years and now the doctors told her Thanksgiving would be our last holiday with her. She was living next door to my parents house, with my aunt and uncle so while I was in town for school, I spent every moment I could with her. This news, made me increase the pressure on myself to hurry up and get pregnant. I wanted her to share in all the excitement and planning of having a baby. Every month, my cycle would be off and I'd excitedly take a pregnancy test and every month it said negative. Finally, after such a roller coaster of going to the doctor only to have him tell me no, he finally said I was under too much stress and that my body couldn't work right. He put me on some medicine to help me ovulate. By this time, I was getting really worried. What if something was wrong and Wesley and I couldn't have children? What if Randol was our only child? Wesley was more worried about me than the thought of not ever getting pregnant. We decided to stop trying for a while, and focus on spending as much time as we could taking care of my Gramma Nance.

Thanksgiving came and went and she was still with us. Then Christmas passed and there she still was! The doctors told us that she was a miracle. She wanted so badly to see me graduate from college and God granted her wish in January 2005. I would spend long afternoons doing puzzles with her and staying up late, watching American Idol and talking about stories of when she was young. We drove down every weekend to see her. I would race next door in the morning and make us coffee and watch the news with her. I soaked up every minute I could. There were a few times Wesley and I would sleep at my aunts house and wake up in the middle of the night to take care of her. I still treasure those early mornings.

Three days after Valentine's Day, she went home. As much as my heart was breaking to let her go, I am so glad I was there by her side as she took her final breath. My Grandpa, mom, aunt and many cousins surrounded her, holding her hand, her feet and I was at her head. We all spoke so gently, telling her how much we loved her and how it was ok for her to go. The moment she took her final breath my very first thought was, "She can see my baby before I can...am I pregnant?" I turned to look in the corner of the bedroom and I could feel her eyes on me. I wondered if God had sent her daddy to come get her or maybe her older sister who had died when she was young. I wasn't sure who was there, but I knew that I was in the presence of angels; this world and the spiritual world collided in her bedroom, if only for a moment.

A few days later, after the memorial service and everything had settled down, we went home to Albany. One of the first things I did was take a pregnancy test and this time it was positive! In a time of such grief, God had answered my prayer of having another child. It was a beautiful reminder that He is still in control and that life must keep on moving despite her absence.

Fast forward nine months. I was a week away from my due date. I was tired and hot and just plain tired of being pregnant! While dropping Randol off in her Sunday School class I ran into a friend who told me, "Marion, this baby will come in God's timing. He's getting everything ready right now, making sure the right doctor and nurses are on staff. This baby will come when He's ready!" I took comfort in her words, but had no idea just how true her words were about God's timing. The day before my due date, our sweet Foster Allen was born. All 9lbs and 5 oz of him! The first night in the hospital, our nurse came to our room. She started sharing some hard things that were going on in her life. I shared some of my own experiences and tried as best as I could to share with her God's hope in the midst of what seemed to be a hopeless situation. The next morning before getting off her shift she jokingly asked if I had a sister she could introduce to her son! She started telling me a little about her son who loved the outdoors, drove a jeep and was a senior at the Air Force Academy. The more she talked, the more I could see how her son and my sister, Katie would make a great match. She got Katie's email address and phone number and left. When Katie came to see me at the hospital that day, I told her that a great guy who she'd never met yet, might call! The next morning as Wesley and I waited to be discharged from the hospital, the phone rang. It was that same nurse, telling me had lost Katie's information and asked if I could give it to her again!

A few weeks later, her son emailed Katie, apologizing, but saying that his mother would not quit asking if he had contacted her yet. They started emailing and decided they would meet each other when he was home for Thanksgiving. As they say, the rest is history! They celebrated their three year wedding anniversary in July and have a daughter that will be a year old on Saturday!

Isn't God's timing amazing?!? There are times in my life when I can look back and see His hand so clearly. Yet, somehow in the midst of it, I forget that He has a plan for my life that is so much better than anything I could ever expect. All those times of seeing that negative pregnancy test, the days of crying over the thought of my Gramma not being there for Christmas, my moments of frustration over still being pregnant, God was calmly telling me to trust Him and trust His timing. He knows best-every time and in any situation! In Isaiah 55:8-9, God's Word tells us, "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." When life doesn't make sense, when you feel like you keep praying for answers and aren't receiving any, remember, His ways are not like our ways. Our minds cannot even comprehend what He is trying to do! In Proverbs 4:11, God says, "I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." Keep trusting, keep praying and keep your eyes on the One True Guide for your life!

I Heart Pink:My Beloved Gramma Nance

This week at I Heart Faces, it's all about pink in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness. This is an issue that is near and dear to my heart, having lost my Gramma Nance to breast cancer, five years ago, after a 20+ year fight. The picture I chose this week is of my mom and her, at our last Thanksgiving together, saying "I love you" in sign language. While no one in our family is deaf, my mom and aunt learned sign language in college and use it as part of their job with helping handicap children. The "I love you" hand is a sign we use a lot in our family. What a blessed reminder of her love!
Make sure you head over to http://www.iheartfaces.com/ and see all the other entries!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday: More of Our Sweet Samuel

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

It has gone my so fast. It seems like only yesterday that I was coming home from the hospital, yet it feels like you've always been apart of my life. And I know that it will feel like tomorrow that another six months will have passed. We'll be taking pictures and watching you smear icing all over your face! I love you Little Guy. You have brought so much joy to my life. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. I would not trade one minute of getting to be your Mama. I SO thank the Lord for you. I can't wait to see what mighty plans He has for your life! I love you My Sweet Sam, oh what a blessing you are to me.

Having the Faith that I Won't Bust!

I graduated from college almost five years ago and since then I have pursued many jobs that would allow me to make an income and stay at home with my children (though none of which really used my degree). There was the "Hallmark Card lady" that I applied for, but every time I tried to submit my application, my computer would mess up and would not submit it. Then there was the time I started looking into working for the hospital and taking pictures of the newborn babies. Another time I started training to sell Rainbow vacuum cleaners. There have been a few other hit and miss opportunities where God has not just closed the door, He slammed them shut and locked the door. Now, looking back, I can see that He was teaching me patience and faith in relying on Him to provide for us. Now I know-He was waiting until the time was right to open the flood gates of blessings.

About this time last year I decided that I was going to start saving my money to buy a professional camera. I have always loved taking pictures and I thought, what better time to have a really good camera then now, when my children are small. I had always wanted one, but could never afford it. I got paid for working in the church nursery some and my dad gave me some money for my birthday. I saved it all in a drawer in my room. I had about $300, which was only about a third of the amount I needed. It was the end of November when I started to feel convicted to use that money for something else. There was a local organization in town who desperately needed people to sponsor families for Christmas. These were families who had nothing and would only receive the presents donated to them. It took me back to a time when I was one of those families. I wasn't so desperate that I couldn't buy anything for my child, but I did need help. My daughters name was added to a Christmas tree that stood in a local store. I remember how blessed I felt when I got my daughters gift. It was a stand up push toy that my children still have today.

Here I was, with this saved money that I desperately wanted to use for myself when I felt God calling me out, reminding me that this money really wasn't mine. I talked with Wesley about it and we decided to sponsor a family and use that money to buy the gifts. We chose a family that had a single mother with two daughters around our kids ages. What a great opportunity for our children to learn about giving. I was on a mission. I spent more time searching online and shopping trying to find the gifts this family wanted. I would call the mother, standing in a store and get her advice of what to buy. I developed a relationship with this sweet, struggling woman. She was a mother, just like I was, wanting to give the best to her girls. She had cancer and could not work due to her health. She lived in a neighborhood where she was in constant fear of being robbed or worse. Her brother lived with her to help keep her safe. It was a whole different world-all just a couple miles from own home. I knew that God was going to use us to show His love for her and to give her hope. I had no idea at the time that God would bless my obedience in ways more than I could imagine.

One morning, I was visiting my mom when I got a call from Wesley. He was driving home from work for lunch and he said he had great news. We got an extra check of his unused sick pay for the last three years! We were flabbergasted! This was so unexpected. I instantly thought that we would use this money to pay off our Visa account, but Wesley felt differently. He told me that he wanted to use the money to buy the camera I had always wanted. He said that we might not get the chance to have this kind of extra money to use for something like that. In reality, it might be ten years before I ever got that camera if I saved what small earnings I brought in. After praying about it and really making sure that it was the right decision, I spent hours researching cameras. Once I had narrowed my choices down to two, I went to Circuit City four different times, just to hold them, trying to decide which one to get. There was a difference in price between the two and I desperately tried to convince myself that I wanted the cheaper of the two. I would go back to that store and tell myself how great the less expensive camera was-which it is a fabulous camera, but it wasn't what my heart really wanted. Finally Wesley sat me down and said, "Marion, if we are going to spend this much money on a camera-get the one you want. Otherwise you are only going to want to buy the upgrade in a few years." What a fabulous husband I have! I was convinced and I ordered the Canon 40d. When it came in the mail I could hardly contain myself! Wesley gave it to me two days before Christmas. He was so excited! He had opened everything and charged the battery to get it all ready for me. He knew that I needed time to figure out how to use it before Christmas morning!

It was a Christmas like I had never experienced before. Since the camera was my one and only gift, I got to sit and simply enjoy watching my family open the gifts I had gotten for them. Usually I am trying to juggle taking pictures with opening my own presents, but this time I didn't feel rushed or stressed. I was so happy and content, soaking up every minute. The highlight of that day was when the mother of the family we had sponsored, called me. She let me listen to her girls squealing over their gifts. Both of them got on the phone to thank us for giving them a Christmas. My cup overflowed. I don't deserve His blessings, yet He freely gives them.

Since receiving my Canon, I have read every photography book in the Columbus library system and looked at so many different photography web sites I've lost count. No joking! Photography is about so much more than pointing a camera and shooting. It's about light, exposure, color and of course, being at the right place at the right time. It took me a long time to take my camera off auto mode. I was so afraid of messing something up. One small change of the settings will dramatically change a photograph. What if I pushed the wrong button? Finally I realized that it was silly for me to have this great camera if I didn't know how to use it. I might as well have saved my money and kept my point and shoot camera. I have taken some Photoshop classes and learned so much about editing pictures. I am always amazed when I learn how far the photography business has come in the last five years. I REALLY couldn't have afforded a professional camera and all the equipment they required, just a few years ago. Digital has really revolutionized the industry.

After nine months of learning and experimenting, and most importantly, LOTS of prayer, I've decided to start a side photography business. I have learned what it means to find something you love and then figure out a way to make money from it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE photography. I would almost pay someone else to let me take their picture, I love it so much! I have had a few photo shoots over the last three months and I feel like a child on Christmas morning. I always pray that God will help me and be my guide. I struggled for a while, wondering if this was the path God had chosen for me. He has given me a love to write, but since getting this camera, my time has been spent more in photography than writing. I spent time in prayer, trying to surrender my own desires to find out His will for my life. What if satan was using this as a distraction from God's will of writing? Everyday I had a battle in my mind. It was as if I had a voice in my head telling me I wasn't good enough, I had to take more classes, practice more. I could never take as good a photographs as so and so. I was constantly beating myself up, telling myself I was not good enough to start a business. I was afraid that I'd look like a fool and be a laughing stock. My great friend Victoria reminded me that this passion came from the Lord and He can use my camera, just as much as He can use my pen or my keyboard to write. My mom mentioned one day how I've always loved colors and been good at picking out the different shades of something. I was only 13 years old when I picked out the carpet for my parents house. My mom would tote me to these carpet stores, asking my opinion. She would pick out a carpet sample and I could tell her if it had too much pink in it or the shade of brown wouldn't match the furniture. In junior high school I thought I might grow up to be an interior decorator because I loved colors so much. God reminded me that even from a child He was preparing me for this chapter in my life. There have been so many times that I'll be editing a photograph and I'll realize the skin is too red or I'll have to figure out the right adjustment of the shadows in the background. I can adjust each color in the rainbow spectrum in Photoshop. All of that love of color comes to play in my photography. I never realized that before my mom said it.

Every photo shoot I've gone on, I covered it in prayer, asking God to help me see through my lens and capture a photograph that the family can cherish years down the road. I also pray that if this is not God's will or His timing, that He'll show me. Every shoot I've done, my kids have been great, especially Samuel. That tells me something! I always worry that he'll cry the whole time I'm gone and be miserable (or make Wesley miserable!). When I'm on a photo shoot-he's been great! I have also been amazed at the people God has placed in my path; some who have been in the business for a long time and can offer loads of advice and knowledge and others who are just starting out and we are able to help one another. I used to think that it would be fun to deliver flowers. You'd get to see surprise and wonder, love and joy in the faces of those who opened the door. God has shown me that I can see all of that when I see my friends and family look at the pictures I've taken. I can give them a gift that will remind them of all the many blessings He has given them and in the end, I am blessed beyond measure because I am able to do something that I love and I'm passionate about.

I have learned so much hands on, these last few months. I soon saw that there is much more time involved than just taking the pictures, you also have to factor in the time spent editing and sorting through all of them. I will put my camera on fast shooting mode so I can shoot lots of pictures really fast, which is really great to use with small children. If I'm outside, I will often use a setting that will take pictures in groups of three, under exposing the first photograph, then over exposing it and lastly, using the normal exposure. That being said, I can easily end up with 200-400 pictures in a 60 minute shoot. It takes a long time going through that many photographs to see which ones to keep and which to discard. Then comes the editing process, which can take hours, depending on the photo session. I have learned a lot and I know that like it is with anything in life-it's a process and I'll continue to learn as I go.

I have spent hours looking up what photographers in the local area charge. I was surprised by how expensive it is. I had to ask myself if I would pay that much for someone to take my picture. I was talking to my sister who lives in Washington. She said her friend spent $850 just for a disk of pictures with the printing rights! Are you kidding me? $850 and you didn't even buy a single print yet? I could never in my right mind, EVER, charge that much. I decided to start out charging less than the average in this area and figured as I gain more experience, I can always work my way up (but never to that much :). I set out to create a web site and figure out what my overhead would be. I could hear my words come back to slap me as I had talked about how much money the photographer made for my brothers wedding. I had only been looking at the cost to print each photo and at the difference in what he charged. I slowly saw that there were more costs involved than I had originally realized. I was constantly asking the Lord to show me a sign that will let me know when to upgrade my current web site to the professional level, allowing me to be able to make my own prices for my photos. I know that it takes money to make money, but I struggle with how much money to pour into this before I know that I'll at least break even. Out of the blue, a woman that used to go to my church years ago saw some of my pictures on Facebook. She called me a few days ago, asking if I'd take individuals and a group picture for her son's soccer team. I'm taking that as my "sign" to move forward in this endeavor and we'll see what the future holds.

So here, I am, throwing myself out there. You can see my work at http://www.marionsphotography.smugmug.com/ or click on the link at the top of my blog. I decided I'd post some of my favorites from the recent photo sessions I've done. These are just a very small few of the photograph's that came from each shoot.

Little Abigail 4 weeks old

Little Abigail 3 months old

Sweet Wyatt

The Lostroh Family