Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
I should have known that dark clouds were coming. I should not have been surprised when the thunder started to roll, but I was.
It was an ordinary night the week before we left for the beach. I was washing dishes. Randol was clearing the table. Wesley was bouncing Sam on his knee. Will was pushing a car and making sound effects. Wesley gave Foster a high five and they cheered, counting down the days until we left for vacation. It suddenly occurred to me that I had not been anticipating our trip like I usually do. I usually count down until we leave and get so sad on our last day there, dreading the drive home and getting back into our normal non-vacation routine. As I washed our dishes on this particular night, I thought about how I was so content, so happy with this stage in my life that it didn't really matter to me if we were at the beach or in our own kitchen, as long as my family was there, I was happy and content. I think that at that moment, the wind started to slightly blow, the clouds started to come together and a storm started forming on the horizon.
We left a few days later and had a fabulous vacation. The kids were great, the drive was great, the weather was perfect, it was a week to remember. Then we came home. Two days later, I felt a depression starting to creep into every part of my soul. It was a blackness like I had never experienced before. For days I was on the verge of tears; just getting out of bed was a chore. I spent almost a whole Saturday in my room crying out to God, asking Him what was wrong with me. Was it my birth control? Was I about to start my period? Was I pregnant again (heaven forbid!)? What was wrong with me and most of all, how could I fix it? How could I go back to that night washing dishes and feeling so content? I read my Bible and God opened my eyes, this was not a battle of the flesh, this was a battle of the spirit. This was a war and I was the prime subject, walking around with a bull's eye plastered to my back. A few days later I started coughing, losing my voice and any strength I had to fight, was drained out of me. The cough creeped into my children and then my husband. And I knew-this was all related, my feeling depressed, us all getting sick, it was all related somehow.
Recently, my husband was nominated to become an elder in our church. When this whole process started and he was first nominated, he turned it down-saying he was way too young to be an elder. The pastor spoke with him and urged him to reconsider. For a whole week he spent time reading God's Word and praying about it. When that week was up, he came to me and said that he really did feel God was leading him to go through this long, hard process. He didn't know if he was to actually become one, but he did know that God wanted him to go through the process.
Amazingly, he got his humongous Elder packet the day we got home from the hospital after having Sam. It could not have been better timing. He had two books to read, a very detailed Sunday School lesson to prepare, and a long list of possible interview questions he'd be asked in the future, but God gave him a whole week home, away from the stresses and duties of work to do it. That was God's timing.
As the process wore on, it finally came down to having too many eligible men and not enough slots to fill. The Elder Selection Committee decided that they needed to cut the list down to seven men and then have the church vote again on the five men they thought should lead our church. Just as they did in the Bible, they incorporated a lottery system. What would you know-Wesley's name was drawn. This was no coincidence, this was no chance, this was God, calling out the names of the seven He wanted. The church voted and in order to be affirmed, you had to have a 75% approval from the church body. It wasn't the top five men out of seven, it was 75% approval. We were honestly wondering if anyone would get that much of a vote.
As our sickness wore on and we waited for the phone call from our pastor telling Wesley how the church voted, I knew that we were just entering a storm. The phone call finally came and with it was the news that he had indeed been affirmed by the church as a new elder. I wasn't excited, I wasn't relieved, I was worried. I kept thinking of the many conversations Wesley and I have had over not giving our children too much too soon. If we give them a huge gift at a young age, what will they expect when they get older? If God was calling Wesley at the young age of 31 to be an elder-what was His plan when he was 60? Satan started to prey on my biggest fear-maybe God was calling Wesley out at a young age because he wasn't meant to live a long life. Ever since having Sam, I have moments of fear that I will lose my husband and be left behind with four children to raise alone. I know in my right mind that fear does not come from the Lord. His Word says that, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). But in those moments, I was letting fear control my mind, not the Word of God.
We went to church on Sunday and so many people came up to him saying, "Congratulations". I kept thinking, "Congratulations for what? For welcoming satan's army to attack us like never before? Congratulation's for taking on a role that will inevitably have people saying bad things about the love of my life, over lunch?" I had turned this heavenly opportunity into an "All About Me" session. I felt like we had been sitting in a dark room full of people and now a bright spotlight was shining on us for all to scrutinize. It was as though a weight pressed down on me, only I was weak, too weak to carry around such a huge burden all day. I should have realized that it was not a burden I was meant to bear alone.
Monday night Wesley had his first meeting with the Elders. When he got home, we sat and talked for two hours. I cried telling him how burdened I'd been feeling. I had realized that satan was trying to get to Wesley through me. Our house is Wesley's safe haven that he looks forward to all day after being at work all day. If satan could cause problems at home, it would devastate him. We talked about all the areas in our lives that we are most vulnerable for attack and more importantly we talked about what God's word says about fighting these battles.
I felt 110% better. We were on the same page and we both agreed that though this new journey will be anything but easy, it is God's will for us and to do anything less than that would be a sin. We don't serve the Lord because it's easy, we don't follow Him because it's the "cool" thing to do. We do it even when it is hard because we know that He is there walking along side us. I know now that whenever Wesley's elder term is up, our marriage is going to be stronger and our faith will have refined by the fire and we will be better prepared for whatever task comes next. What a blessing and a privilege to serve our God!
God really opened my eyes to the spiritual warfare going on all around me. There was one morning that I could envision satans army literally staked out my front door. Wesley was leaving for work, he kissed us all goodbye and was about to walk out the door when he suddenly went and sat down, holding his head in his hands. He couldn't speak for about five minutes. I was worried when he couldn't answer my question of what was wrong. When he could finally sit up again and speak, he said that right before he went to step outside, he suddenly felt nauseous and bile crept into his mouth. If he didn't sit down, he knew that he was going to throw up. That has never happened to him before. I don't believe in coincidences and I know that God was at work, even though I may not understand how.
Last night Wesley had another meeting. Just before I went to bed, I started reflecting on this past week. I thought about how much better I felt after this meeting than I did just four days before. A very small part of me started to wonder if maybe I had just been emotional and over dramatic and maybe there wasn't a battle going on at all. We had gone to bed much later than we usually do so it didn't take me long to go to sleep. I woke up at 2 am, just coming out of a dream. In this dream I had been peering over the shoulder of one of satans men. This soldier was more like a creature than a man and I was looking into a scene, while they were completely unaware of my presence. This creature was holding the picture of another Elder family, calling his troops and sending them to go attack this family. Once the troops left for their mission, he put down their picture and picked up one of my family and called more troops. Just as he was about to give out orders, I slowly faded away and suddenly I woke up. I had this eery feeling that I had just witnessed something that could be more than just a dream. Whether it was or not, I'll never know, but I do know this-I got the message. I hadn't been making things up, this battle was real and just because I'd had a few good days, didn't mean it was over!
Everyday we are fighting a battle-even when we don't recognize it. We are an enemy to the evil one and he will not rest or grow weary at trying to stop God's will from being accomplished. It is important to really examine your life and look at the areas you are most vulnerable in. Don't miss the areas that you feel most comfortable in either, because satan is smart, he doesn't always attack and show up where you think he will. So often we get content in our lives, like I had become that night washing my dishes. It becomes easy to just live our life day by day, anticipating the weekend and we forget. We forget that we are not meant to live day by day with our own agenda, we are fighting a spiritual battle and the heavenly realms depend on YOU. God is counting on you to accomplish His plan for your life. Don't get so content and in a rhythm that you forget that. Open your eyes and ask God what His will is for this day. He has a plan and a purpose, don't miss it!
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:13-18
No comments:
Post a Comment