Faith and a Lot of Rambling Updates

Despite popular belief, I have not forgotten this blog! I keep beating myself up about not writing on here anymore. There are many mornings that I'll do my Bible study and I'll be inspired to come write...and then the kids will wake up and the day will begin and when I have a moment to write-the inspiration is gone or I've found something else to occupy my time. To catch you up on this craziness called my life, my days have been filled with changing diapers, teaching area and perimeter formulas, reading Around the World in 80 Days, teaching the days of the week and how to write letters, going through pictures, editing them, and then uploading them. I'd be a liar if I didn't say that Facebook was not involved in there somewhere also! I have been without a car for almost two weeks now. You would think this would force me to get stuff done around this house, but sadly that is not the case. Wesley was driving home during rush hour and the car in front of him swerved suddenly. There was an 18 wheeler tire in the middle of the road and he had about a tenth of a second to react. He could either swerve and risk hitting the car next to him or as he said, "put both hands on the wheel and brace myself for impact!". Yes, this was his new car and frustration would not be a strong enough word to describe how he felt!

The damage costs a couple hundred dollars to replace two plastic pieces of the bumper.
Unfortunately the parts haven't come in and we cannot drive it with the broken part dragging on the ground. I cannot tell you how much I have had to pray to my Heavenly Father and not give into the fear that clutches my mind when I allow myself to think of all the "what could have happened" scenarios. Most of you have heard me say my absolute worst fear is losing Wesley and being a single mom to four children. The fact that he had just hung up the phone with me about 5 minutes before he hit the tire and the thought that that could have been the last time I talked to the love of my life...OK well, like I said, I just have to thank the Lord for watching over him!

In a nutshell, last month would sound something like this: March was filled with birthday parties, me turning 30, Randol 11 and an early birthday for Samuel turning 1. Samuel got tubes in his ears. We spent a day in Atlanta visiting with Wesley's cousin and his family. It was so much fun to just get out of town for a day. Sitting in Centennial park and eating at the CNN center made it feel like we were on vacation with his family. It was a fun day! Then there was Easter, followed by a weekend full of lots of yard work...and that brings us to the present.

Randol has only 6 weeks left of the 5th grade and we are almost finished with all of her textbooks. The last two weeks of school will be full of preparing her for standardized testing and then actually taking the test. I must admit, I am so thankful for school to be over yet I am sad that it is her last year in elementary school. Where did the time go? Next year is Middle school and even though we will still be homeschooling -she will be in the youth group at church and will be helping in VBS next summer instead of participating. She will be done with AWANA and Children's summer camp and ...she'll be approaching her teen years like a freight train. And I don't think I'm ready for all of that. But, like the saying from the child's game of hide and seek goes-ready or not-here I come! Listening to seven girls talking about boys and periods and fashion at Randol's slumber party, made me physically nauseous! To think that in seven short years she will be graduating high school and going off to college and leaving me in this house full of little men! All I can say is, life sure does fly by! I am old enough to realize that seven years will be here tomorrow.

As for an update on my new photography business. A few weeks ago our pastor was talking about the ways the devil works. One of his many ways is telling us "You're not good enough!" "So and so is better than you!" "People will laugh at you!" "You are a fool!" "What are you thinking?" And before we know it-we believe the lies and fear makes us too scared to step out on faith. The whole time he was talking I couldn't help but smile. His reminder of how the devil works only reaffirmed taking this new path. All of those things were what that little voice in my head told me over and over again, whenever I even thought about throwing myself out there and showing the world my photography; taking a risk and not knowing if your going to fall flat on your face. I think this whole process is the closest I will come to bungee jumping! I am so amazed at how God orchestrates my photo shoots; how people find me or "happen" to come across my work, the way the sky is perfectly blue or the sun is at the perfect angle for a shot-that is all God and not me. There are so many times that I will look back over pictures or lay in bed thinking about a recent photo shoot and I will get tears in my eyes. I don't deserve this. To find something you love and make money from it-isn't that the American dream? Being able to stay at home, homeschool, raise my children AND own my own tiny business all at the same time. How did I get so lucky? God is just too good to me.

Yet, those voices are never really far behind me. When I finish uploading pictures to the web site and a job is completed, a small part of me feels relief (because usually I am behind on my household chores :) and a very tiny part of me wonders if it will be my last shoot-maybe no one else will contact me, maybe no one will like my work anymore...and the lies tries to creep back in. Thankfully, like only God can, I am reminded that those are all lies and I must stand on His truth. I am amazed at how usually within a few days of completing a job, someone else will email or call about setting up another shoot. That's all God.

It is so easy to compare yourself to someone else and feel that you will never measure up. Truth is, there will always be someone out there better than you, but that's OK. That's how we are encouraged to grow, to keep learning and to never remain stagnant. Some days I will get so caught up in making my web site to be just like other photographers or I beat myself up over not having a "Photography Blog" like most have. Truth is, you know I struggle with keeping up with this blog and my FB Fan page and everything else that pulls at my time-I don't need to add something else to my load. I have also decided that if folks come here to see pictures and get some of God's Word at the same time-that's even better! I am learning that it is OK to not fit into a mold. If I spend my days comparing myself to everyone else-I'll never give myself the chance to be unique and different and follow God's path for my life-not His path for someone else.

Turning 30 made me reflect on the past and dream for the future. I don't want to wake up in 20, or 30, or 40 years, and look back on my life wishing I had taken a chance. I don't want to have any regrets and I certainly don't want to miss the plan God has for my life. I am still young and I pray that I have many, many more years left on this earth to serve Him. If God has given you a dream-don't give it up for a lie. If He has called you to do something, He will enable you to succeed in a way only He can. If you think you aren't strong enough, not talented enough, not smart enough, not whatever enough-you're right, you aren't~BUT GOD IS!!! That's what faith is! Don't miss His best for your life because you are too scared! I leave you with one of my new favorite songs by Kutless, "That's What Faith Can Do." I love the lines, "Life is so much more than your eyes are seeing. You'll find your way if you keep believing..When the world tells you that you can't, it (faith) will tell you that you can." God has answered so many of my silent prayers, helped me overcome so many odds and given me hope to stand on. He does not fail and He will never leave or forsake you. You've just got to trust Him.

I thought this week I could share with you a few samples of my most recent photo shoots. I'll be featuring a different shoot everyday this week. Comments are always fun and I really love hearing people's feedback-positive and negative. Thank you for stopping by here and for sharing in this journey with me! You are a blessing!