I've Been Swervin'

I have this weird philosophy that a vacation is a cleansing trip. It's a time to go, regenerate, refresh yourself and come back relaxed and ready to tackle this world again. There are certain things I like to do before leaving on vacation, one of them is cleaning my house. I love to come home to a clean house, with clean towels in the bathrooms, toys put away, clean sheets on the beds and an empty dishwasher. I know-I'm weird! This morning I vacuumed everything-ceiling fans, lampshades, baseboards, and on and on. Our long awaited vacation is imminent and I am in my preparation mode! Watch out-here I come!

I have to tell you, I need some good 'ole relaxation time. I need to unwind and let so many things go. Lately, I have been letting so many things get to me. I have been letting certain people get under my skin. I replay conversations over and over in my mind and I get angrier and angrier. I go to sleep and dream about it and then wake up mad! I have to take a step back and think, "What is wrong with me!?" Why have I let others interrupt my peace? Why do I let them control my emotions?

Yesterday I was sitting in the church nursery, rocking my little man and I started to again replay a certain situation and I felt anger and resentment start to fill up my soul. All of a sudden, in an instant, God opened my eyes and I saw it-Spiritual war was all around me and not only was I was being defeated, I was not even fighting. I was letting the enemy attack me right there in God's house. I started to pray fervently, asking Him to forgive me and to take control of my heart again. Satan was hitting me where it hurt most. He wouldn't let me forgive and forget. I knew then that I had been letting him attack me in God's house all along-isn't my body His holy temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)? I saw that God was trying to prepare me for something and Satan knew it too-he was trying his hardest to mess it up. How could I fulfill God's purposes for my life when my heart was not in the right place? All things come back to the condition of the heart (Proverbs 4:23). I also saw another of my many flaws-I hadn't been putting on my armor, I hadn't been reading and studying the Word like I should (Ephesians 6:11). I hadn't talked to God about my feelings-only to my husband, who as much as I love him, can't fill me and change me like God can (and he's not supposed too!).

Sometimes we need to see ourselves for the insignificant people we are, to see how much we need such an almighty God. I am looking forward to regrouping and seeing what God has prepared for me. I need to clean out all my cobwebs and get rid of the dirt I have let the world leave behind. Just like cleaning my house -I need to do the same with my life. I need to shake off all that hinders me from being who God wants me to be. I am reminded that I cannot change other people, only myself. I cannot control what comes out of others mouths-only what comes out of mine. I cannot control a situation, but God can and I have to let go and let Him do it.

"Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet

and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

Keep your foot from evil."

~Proverbs 4:23-27