The Ramblings of a Mom

Last week I thought a lot about Mother's Day. My husband must have asked me twenty times what I wanted for Mother's Day. I have to admit that I never really thought about it, nor did I know. I was so consumed with what to do for my own mother and my mother-in-law that I forgot, I'm a mother too. I have never really looked at that holiday as a day to celebrate me, but as a day to give back to the women who have taught me so much about what it means to be a mom.

Recently, people have asked how it feels to be a mother of four. Whenever folks say that, it kind of throws me. A mother of four. That sounds like a lot of kids! (That's always my first thought!) How can that be? Am I really the mother of four? I have friends who have five, six and seven children and I'm sure they laugh at my comments! I guess I never thought I'd be fortunate enough to have four children. I am blessed beyond measure in ways I never would have expected. I often ask God if He's sure I am up to the task. Can I raise these children in the manner He wants, to be who He wants them to be? Oh I hope so, I really do. If there is a "job" I pray I am successful at, it's raising children.

Another realization I've had is that Randol may be our only daughter. All those times I got frustrated putting clothes on her baby dolls or Barbies; all the times she'd play dress up and have tea parties with her babies; it never occurred to me that I may never have the opportunity to do that again and I took it all for granted. I always assumed I'd have three daughters. I don't know why I always thought that, maybe it's because my mom had three girls. As we approach the beginning of her "tween" years and all that comes with puberty and adolescent, female hormones, I hope I can remember to not take it for granted, to enjoy every moment of having a daughter because for better or worse, it might be my only opportunity.

God has also taught me just how much fun little boys can be. I was scared to death when they first said, "It's a boy!" when Foster was born. I can remember telling God,"A boy? I don't know what to do with a boy, Lord!" I'm sure He just chuckled at me, knowing I would have much more than just one son! Now, I am so glad that He has given me sons. What a joy they are! It is such a huge responsibility to think of raising men, raising Heads of Households to be Godly husbands and fathers. I worry about someone not cherishing Randol and not taking advantage of her-especially knowing she could be dating boys within the next ten years. With my boys, I am raising them to have the characteristics and morals that I want Randol's future spouse to have. I never realized from a mothers perspective, how different it is, raising daughters and sons! Oh, what a responsibility parenting is!

Life has been interesting these past five weeks. I was so worried about what it would be like having a newborn around, that it never occurred to me that I should have been more worried over having a two and three year old in the house at one time. My newborn-he's a piece of cake compared to them! I remember when Randol was two and I never thought it would end, only to have people tell me that three's were worse than the terrible two's. I remember the day I could hear their comments echo in my mind as I realized they were so right. Now I have both in my house at once. I have had moments where I didn't think they'd live until their father came home from work. I've had moments where all three boys are crying, wanting only me and then Randol stubs her toe and adds to the tears herself. I've walked in on Will yanking Sam's ears as hard as he can or shouting, "Eye!" as he pokes him in the eye. I've walked into the living room, to see Foster running across the room, jumping over Sam, only to hit him with his foot as he jumped over him. There have been many times I've had to swallow my own tears from being so frustrated and exhausted myself. I have entered into my "Fog Years" as my mother calls it. These are the years I will not really remember. At times I jokingly think that might be a good thing :)

Not long ago I read something that asked "What is it about your life that will be different in five years?" Then it followed up with asking, "In five years, what will you miss from your life today?" That really got my mind going. In five short years I'll have a 15 year old daughter, and 8, 7 and 5 year old sons. A huge difference from my 10 year old daughter and 3, 2 and newborn sons! So what will I miss from today?

I'll miss Randol wanting to hang out with me and the way she says, "Mom, will there be time to snuggle tonight?"I'll miss the way she plays with her brothers, getting on the ground at their level. I'll miss the way Foster insists on giving me a kiss on my cheek before going to bed. I'll even miss the way he pesters me to do laundry so he can watch the washer. I'll miss Will's hugs that are always followed by a huge squeeze. I'll miss the way he says, "I hold you"and "I go you" whenever I leave to go to the store. I'll miss Sam's newborn smell and the times I can just sit and hold him in all his sweetness. I'll miss the joy I feel watching him smile up at me and hold my huge hand in his. I'll miss the preciousness that comes with a newborn.

It would be easy to miss all of these things, but what about all the crying and the dirty diapers and the sleepless nights? If I really think about it, I'm sure I'll miss those too. All of that is apart of my life, it is who I am and apart of God's purpose for my life, in raising children. I am right where God wants me to be and to wish my life was different would be cheating myself of all the blessings God has for me, in THIS time, in THIS moment. Life changes so fast. We are here one day and gone the next. I don't have time to waste, being frustrated or upset over silly things.

Before I know it, my children will be grown and God willing, I'll be watching my grandchildren play. I don't have one conversation with my daughter, one hug or kiss from my sons that I can afford to take for granted. Everyday and every moment is a gift from above.

What will you look back on in five years and miss? What is God desperately trying to show you today? In the midst of the stresses of life, He is telling you something. Are you listening? Have you figured out what His purpose is for your life right now, in this time? Don't take today for granted, for you don't know how many days you have left, to enjoy the life you have.

A man can do nothing better than to eat, drink and find satisfaction in his work.

This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him,

who can eat or find enjoyment?

To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom,

knowledge and happiness,

but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering

and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God...

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26a