A Mother's Heart

Where have YOU been?!?!

Oh right-I'M the one whose been missing from this blog. I know it's been a while. I have written in my head, so many things I wanted to share with you, I just couldn't find the time to type it out. Life is so busy, I can't keep everything straight. Today the Lord knew I needed a much needed break. The boys are resting and I’m eating ice cream, listening to Pandora and BLOGGING!!!! As I was trying to figure out what to do in this quiet living room, I was reminded of a blog post I’d written a few weeks ago, which happened to remind me of a photo I took this weekend. I went and edited this a little so it’s not so raw, but for the most part, I think raw and written from the heart is better than polished with perfect English! I wrote this a few weeks ago…

Last night I could not sleep, I was writing in my head, over and over the words on my heart. I was laying silent, yet screaming on the inside. Sad, discouraged, not sure what to do and pouring my heart out to the One who could hear my inward thoughts. Parenting-it is no easy thing. My husband and I were struggling with some discipling issues with our daughter. Tough love is so much easier to say than to do!

Our oldest is turning 12 this month-and I am struggling with this birthday, probably more than any other she's had so far. It is the last one where she is technically not turning a teenager and technically not turning an adult. How can I raise her to be the person God wants her to be with a heart sold out to Him, in the midst the world we live in?

Most of my daughter’s friends either have a cell phone, an ipod touch or some type of handheld internet device. When they hang out together, they’ll watch music videos and look up stuff on Google. I once read several years ago that you should put your computer in the living room-not in some back, closed door office. This way when your kids are on the internet, you can keep an eye on what they are looking at. How are we as parents supposed to do that and regulate what our children see, when it comes in the form of a two inch square that can fit in your back pocket?

Recently we upgraded our cell phones to Droid's. I've got to admit-being able to check email, look up live weather maps, directions, and any other kind of info-has come in very handy. I'm not sure I'd ever want to go back. Yet, one thing I've noticed is when I'm on the internet on my phone, using various app's etc. there is almost always some type of ad on the bottom of my screen. It is usually near a button I need to push, almost causing me to accidentally hit the wrong thing. It's not a Wal-mart ad or an innocent infomercial-no it's usually some type of dating site. If I get that kind of JUNK on my own phone-I can only assume others do to-including those innocent girls who have the same types of hand held internet devices.

We know that as children of God, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, ...it's against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) We also know that the Thief "comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10). A while ago, I started praying that God would open our eyes to the spiritual battles going on all around us; that He would send His bright light to make all things visible (Eph 5:13). When life gets hard, it is so easy to blame it on someone else or that you are simply just having a bad day; maybe it was being at the wrong place at the wrong time, or simply being busy etc, etc. when in reality, many times it's a spiritual battle we face, every moment of our lives...and our children are in that same battle-it is our job to protect them as much as we can, from that evil-to teach them to recognize it when they are in tempting situations and to stand up and fight against it. We cannot create a safety bubble around our kids, but we can create a prayer cloud that surrounds them, going with them. When we started homeschooling, so many people accused us of being naive-like the only reason we pulled our daughter out of school was so we could control her environment. I am not stupid-I know that she will be exposed to the world and all it holds, but I am responsible to make sure she can handle it when those times come.

This morning, as I was reading God's Word I came across this verse, "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the One who calls you." (Galatians 5:7-8). As our children grow-they are more aware of their peers-what they get to do, how they get to dress, what their parents let them watch on TV and books they let them read. Suddenly the child who looked up to us, is now looking to others to fit in and their approval matters more. We must try and encourage good friendships-the kind who will encourage them to be the kind of people God wants them to be. It is our job to make sure that those things-or other people will not sway them from God's path-that they will not "cut in" on them and lead them down a wrong road.

I encourage you to pray for your children and to be their parent. Don’t be afraid to say no or to discipline them when they do wrong. It’s how they grow and how they learn right from wrong. It's ok for them to be disappointed and to not have everything they want. Those hard times can create important life lessons that will stay with them forever. As a parent, I am to raise them to love the Lord, to build that spiritual foundation that they can build on for the rest of their lives. And then I must let them go-all the while praying they will follow His path for their lives.

"He tends His flock like a shepherd;He gathers the lambs in His arms and He carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."~Isaiah 40:11

The Ramblings of a Mom

Last week I thought a lot about Mother's Day. My husband must have asked me twenty times what I wanted for Mother's Day. I have to admit that I never really thought about it, nor did I know. I was so consumed with what to do for my own mother and my mother-in-law that I forgot, I'm a mother too. I have never really looked at that holiday as a day to celebrate me, but as a day to give back to the women who have taught me so much about what it means to be a mom.

Recently, people have asked how it feels to be a mother of four. Whenever folks say that, it kind of throws me. A mother of four. That sounds like a lot of kids! (That's always my first thought!) How can that be? Am I really the mother of four? I have friends who have five, six and seven children and I'm sure they laugh at my comments! I guess I never thought I'd be fortunate enough to have four children. I am blessed beyond measure in ways I never would have expected. I often ask God if He's sure I am up to the task. Can I raise these children in the manner He wants, to be who He wants them to be? Oh I hope so, I really do. If there is a "job" I pray I am successful at, it's raising children.

Another realization I've had is that Randol may be our only daughter. All those times I got frustrated putting clothes on her baby dolls or Barbies; all the times she'd play dress up and have tea parties with her babies; it never occurred to me that I may never have the opportunity to do that again and I took it all for granted. I always assumed I'd have three daughters. I don't know why I always thought that, maybe it's because my mom had three girls. As we approach the beginning of her "tween" years and all that comes with puberty and adolescent, female hormones, I hope I can remember to not take it for granted, to enjoy every moment of having a daughter because for better or worse, it might be my only opportunity.

God has also taught me just how much fun little boys can be. I was scared to death when they first said, "It's a boy!" when Foster was born. I can remember telling God,"A boy? I don't know what to do with a boy, Lord!" I'm sure He just chuckled at me, knowing I would have much more than just one son! Now, I am so glad that He has given me sons. What a joy they are! It is such a huge responsibility to think of raising men, raising Heads of Households to be Godly husbands and fathers. I worry about someone not cherishing Randol and not taking advantage of her-especially knowing she could be dating boys within the next ten years. With my boys, I am raising them to have the characteristics and morals that I want Randol's future spouse to have. I never realized from a mothers perspective, how different it is, raising daughters and sons! Oh, what a responsibility parenting is!

Life has been interesting these past five weeks. I was so worried about what it would be like having a newborn around, that it never occurred to me that I should have been more worried over having a two and three year old in the house at one time. My newborn-he's a piece of cake compared to them! I remember when Randol was two and I never thought it would end, only to have people tell me that three's were worse than the terrible two's. I remember the day I could hear their comments echo in my mind as I realized they were so right. Now I have both in my house at once. I have had moments where I didn't think they'd live until their father came home from work. I've had moments where all three boys are crying, wanting only me and then Randol stubs her toe and adds to the tears herself. I've walked in on Will yanking Sam's ears as hard as he can or shouting, "Eye!" as he pokes him in the eye. I've walked into the living room, to see Foster running across the room, jumping over Sam, only to hit him with his foot as he jumped over him. There have been many times I've had to swallow my own tears from being so frustrated and exhausted myself. I have entered into my "Fog Years" as my mother calls it. These are the years I will not really remember. At times I jokingly think that might be a good thing :)

Not long ago I read something that asked "What is it about your life that will be different in five years?" Then it followed up with asking, "In five years, what will you miss from your life today?" That really got my mind going. In five short years I'll have a 15 year old daughter, and 8, 7 and 5 year old sons. A huge difference from my 10 year old daughter and 3, 2 and newborn sons! So what will I miss from today?

I'll miss Randol wanting to hang out with me and the way she says, "Mom, will there be time to snuggle tonight?"I'll miss the way she plays with her brothers, getting on the ground at their level. I'll miss the way Foster insists on giving me a kiss on my cheek before going to bed. I'll even miss the way he pesters me to do laundry so he can watch the washer. I'll miss Will's hugs that are always followed by a huge squeeze. I'll miss the way he says, "I hold you"and "I go you" whenever I leave to go to the store. I'll miss Sam's newborn smell and the times I can just sit and hold him in all his sweetness. I'll miss the joy I feel watching him smile up at me and hold my huge hand in his. I'll miss the preciousness that comes with a newborn.

It would be easy to miss all of these things, but what about all the crying and the dirty diapers and the sleepless nights? If I really think about it, I'm sure I'll miss those too. All of that is apart of my life, it is who I am and apart of God's purpose for my life, in raising children. I am right where God wants me to be and to wish my life was different would be cheating myself of all the blessings God has for me, in THIS time, in THIS moment. Life changes so fast. We are here one day and gone the next. I don't have time to waste, being frustrated or upset over silly things.

Before I know it, my children will be grown and God willing, I'll be watching my grandchildren play. I don't have one conversation with my daughter, one hug or kiss from my sons that I can afford to take for granted. Everyday and every moment is a gift from above.

What will you look back on in five years and miss? What is God desperately trying to show you today? In the midst of the stresses of life, He is telling you something. Are you listening? Have you figured out what His purpose is for your life right now, in this time? Don't take today for granted, for you don't know how many days you have left, to enjoy the life you have.

A man can do nothing better than to eat, drink and find satisfaction in his work.

This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him,

who can eat or find enjoyment?

To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom,

knowledge and happiness,

but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering

and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God...

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26a

My Heart

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

So...tomorrow is the day we've been waiting for, and dreading all at the same time, for months now. What people do tomorrow by checking a tiny box, will help decide America's fate for the next four years. I have been anticipating this day for so long. My husband and I have talked about it so many times, I wouldn't be able to count.


My husband works in a position that is controlled by elected officials, so while our eyes have been on the Presidential election (which is a much bigger deal), our hearts have also kept a close eye on our local candidates that are running for election/re-election. Many, many months ago, when I started praying for the upcoming election, I would pray for certain candidates to be re-elected/elected. I would plead with God to elect or re-elect certain people. One morning, I felt the Lord asking me if I could tell Him the future. Did I know what would happen if my prayers were answered and certain people were in office? I came to realize that my prayers were all wrong. I should be not be praying with an attitude of almost telling God who to put in these elected positions, I should instead pray for His will to be done, no matter what that means. His will is so much better than what my limited knowledge knows right now, in this moment. He knows the future and what is best for me and my family and more importantly, for this great nation.


My heart has been prayerful and my eyes continue to look towards heaven as I wait to see what His will is. No poll can tell me the future, and no wishing can change it, but I do have control over my heart. I can create in me a clean heart, free of bitterness and worry and stress. Worrying over what happens tomorrow cannot change what will be.


Yesterday, at the end of the church service, I felt so convicted of my own sin. I have been angry at certain people that I should be reaching out to in love. I have been bitter over certain situations I could not change. I have been short tempered and not getting things done that I knew I should do. I made excuse after excuse for myself, without even realizing I was making them. So often we forget that small things like worry or resentment or anger are a sin. A sin is anything that separates you from God. Anything. I sang the offertory hymn and gave it all away. I was washed in the blood of the Lamb, once more. I was ready to wake up and start anew; beginning each day with hope and anticipation for what He'll do in my life and for what plans He has for me. I cannot be in His will or be used by Him, if I am living my life on my own, doing my own thing.


I encourage you to ask Him what is separating you from Him today. Once He shows you, ask for forgiveness and be free from the burden you have been carrying. It is that easy, all you have to do is ask and He promises in His word that He will take your sins and make you as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). Jesus once said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29). Just give it to Him and find the peace you are searching for.


In Psalms 18:31-32 it says, "For who is God besides the LORD ? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Start tomorrow standing on the Rock of your salvation and leaning on His strength and no matter what happens with this election, He will make your ways perfect. He is still on the throne as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. How I pray that I will remember to not put my trust in anything but the name of the Lord my God.


Last thing, I encourage you to never cease praying for this country and for His will in your life. James 5:16b, which is one of my favorite verses, says"The prayers of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Your prayers do count and they do matter to the Father of the Heavenly lights!

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalms 20:7

The Speed of Cyberspace

There have been recent carjackings taking place in our city. One of these instances happened to a women who teaches Sunday School in our department. This really hit home for us. She was blessed to have escaped in her vehicle, but not before two men with bandanna's covering their faces, waved guns at her to coax her to get out of the car. On Sunday morning she shared her story and urged women to be careful driving after 9pm. She told us to remember to use your horn, putting your car in reverse if you can't drive forward, and to try as hard as you can to get away. And to always drive with your doors locked.

On Monday morning, someone else from our department sent out an email warning those she loved, to be careful. This person got her information second hand and like I so often do, got the facts messed up. Unfortunately, there was a quote she wrote by my husband that he never said and that made this fearful situation, sound even worse than it really was.

In one day, this email circulated all throughout our city, reaching Harris County, AFLAC, Synovus, the Tidwell Cancer Center, the Police Department, the District Attorney's office, the local school district and many churches, to name just a few. People got this email not just once, but some as many as three or four times! To top it all off, my husband got a call today from our local newspaper. They are going to write an article about the email and wanted to verify the facts he supposedly said! My hope is that the article will get the facts correct this time and rumors and implications will be put to an end.

Guess how many people were sent the original email? Three people! She sent it to her step mother, her sister in law and her best friend, all of which live in the neighborhood that the almost carjacking took place. From three people, this email was infiltrated everywhere. She had no idea the snowball effect that would come. She was only trying to warn those to be careful and didn't mean to get her facts wrong. Unfortunately for my husband, he had to answer numerous phone calls from people asking questions to the facts of the email. Those who know him, knew he would never tell a lie, but most did not know him. His integrity was put on the line and he had to try and convince people he never said the things in the email.

Three people. That's all it took. I'm not writing to tell you about one person's mistake, because any of us could have easily done the same thing. I learned yesterday just how fast something can go through cyberspace and how dangerous the results can be. Please think before you ever forward an email and if facts just don't sound right-chances are they aren't.

To Revere Him

"The remarkable thing about fearing God,
is when you fear God you fear nothing else,
whereas if you do not fear God,
you fear everything else."
~Oswald Sanders


"Now all has been heard,
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man."
~Ecclesiastes 12:13


"Grant, O Lord, that I may
live in Your fear,
die in Your favor,
rest in Your peace,
rise in Your power,
and reign in Your glory."
~Archbishop William Laud,
beheaded in 1645

The Hours of the Day

On Saturday, my husband and I attended a Sunday School Leadership Conference at our church. There were many great things the guest speaker talked about, but the following is what really stuck with me.


If you are lucky enough to get 8 hours of sleep each night, then you are awake for roughly 16 hours of the day or 112 hours a week. That sounds like alot doesn't it! Now, how many of those hours are you spending in the Word and in prayer? If you only attend church once a week and never pick up your Bible any other time, you are getting about 40 minutes of spiritual nourishment versus 111 hours of being in the world. That is 111 hours of non stop, spiritual attack.


I had never thought about it like that before. If you do read your Bible and spend time in prayer everyday for roughly an hour, that still leaves about 15 hours a day. It makes me step back and ask myself, am I strong enough? Am I covered? Is my armor on and ready for battle? What are you doing to protect yourself from the evil one? He is there watching and waiting whether you know it or not.


Everyday about 10:30 in the morning, I will get hungry. It doesn't matter that I ate breakfast, what matters is that my body needs more nourishment to keep it going. If all your doing is going to church every week, its not enough. Your spirit (and your Heavenly Father) desperately hungers for more.


Deuteronomy 11:18-20 says, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates..."


Do you pray throughout your day as every little frustrating event happens? Do you praise Him for the blessings you see around you? Are you being faithful to Him by what you put in your body; by the things you watch on TV and the music you listen too? More importantly, are you mindful of His presence in your life and are you using your talents and your gifts for His glory?


Go today, and begin to live out this verse! Make satan say, "Oh no-she's awake!" when you fall out of bed tomorrow morning!
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I wanted to share with you my exciting news. The editor that I sent an article to, many months ago, emailed me a contract this morning to sign and I will be an official, paid and published author by the end of this month! God is SO good! It is not by my own merits, but by His grace that this was accomplished! I know what article I'm to submit next, we'll see what happens...

Just a Bunch of Rambling

It has been over a week since I've logged on here; over a week since I've read anyone else's blogs. I have been recuperating and catching up and its taking me a lot longer than I ever would have thought! My husband has a conference in Jekyll Island, GA every year and we make a family vacation out of it. I have now been home for as many days as we were gone (5 days) and I'm still feeling behind! I am amazed at how a few days away can mess up my routine when I get back home. It's totally worth it, but I'm just now getting back in the swing of things!

The few days after getting home, I was rushing to order my textbooks for this upcoming school year. I cleaned out cabinets and book shelves to get ready for our 2008-2009 stuff, all the while contemplating where the time went and how it could be time to start school again. I have been making lesson plans and copies and lists and all the things my organized, planning brain does to get ready for 180 days of teaching. I am so excited about everything we'll be doing, I just pray that I do it justice and teach my daughter what the Lord wants her to learn. This whole homeschool thing is a daily reliance of faith. There are days I wake up and wonder why I'm doing this; if I'm smart enough, patient enough and giving enough. Then He'll show me, remind me, that this is a calling and that I am to stand on His promises, He'll never give me more than I can handle, He leads those who have young and He's never far from my cries for help! There are so many days I come up short, but luckily He gives me another chance to start all over again. Tomorrow is the LIGHT Homeschool Luncheon. I look forward to it every year. There are booths set up for all kinds of activities you can sign your child up for, there is a freebie table, good food, a devotion and meeting great new friends who can support you when you need it most. I always come home with a renewed sense of excitement and anticipation for the upcoming year.

In my crazy brain, I have surprisingly not forgotten that today is "Memory Verse Monday". I hope yall will excuse me, but for the next week or two, I'm taking a break to go back over the past few verses. My brain needs to be reminded and refreshed. I'm afraid if I keep adding more and more, I'll slowly lose what I started with!

A few fun things I wanted to share, because I'm in a conversational mood I guess. An editor for a magazine that I submitted an article for, emailed me letting me know that he's starting to review articles (one of which was mine)! I'm not holding my breath that mine will be chosen, but just the thought of a real-live-editor reading something I wrote, is so exciting! I have been feeling the itch to submit more articles, but haven't found the time. That email gave me the excitement and motivation to finish a few writing pieces I had started on and to finally submit them.

My husband surprised me tonight with a huge bag of Peanut M&M's! Some women like flowers, but I'll take a huge bag of Peanut M&M's any day! When I was pregnant with my son Foster, I craved those things like nothing else. It's a wonder I didn't gain 200 pounds with as many as I ate! Those cravings have lessened since I'm no longer pregnant (thankfully!), but they do still come. It will be late in the afternoon, I'll be waiting for my husband to come home, the kids are cranky, restless and I'll go eat a small handful of peanut M&M's...and suddenly life feels so good! OK, I exaggerated a little, but you women out there know what I mean!

Sorry for the rambling, I'll try and write something a bit more constructive and useful next time! I pray you are all doing well and that I still have a few people who check this blog, even though I haven't been one of them in a while-I'm hoping for new inspirations and new postings very soon!

Constant

I have been going back through all my old posts and trying to add a tag to them. I never quite understood the concept of tagging until recently. Tagging is just another way to organize your posts. It's also a way for others to look up a certain topic and find it easier. It is taking me a lot longer to go back through all of them. As I'm reading and reminiscing of days gone by, one thing jumped out at me, I have evolved in just the last year. My relationship with the Lord has gotten better as I have gotten closer to Him. I know more about His Word today than yesterday. I trust Him more now than before.

You know what else stood out to me?-As the Bible tells us, He hasn't changed at all. He is the same God I worshipped when I started this blog, the same God that I asked into my heart at a young age and He'll be the same God I sing to in 50 years from now. When I feel God close or far away-that's because of me-not Him. He is always here, always waiting for me to grow in my relationship with Him.

I have really felt the burden to wake up earlier and read my Bible and spend uninterrupted time in prayer. I have been getting frustrated with every morning, because no matter how early I wake up-my son Foster wakes up within 10 minutes. I don't know if he hears me quietly sipping my coffee and turning the pages of my Bible, but I do know one thing-uninterrupted time is hard to come by in my house! I was getting frustrated and thinking, "What's the use in getting up early?" and God showed me just how important it is to try. Maybe there are other powers at work, trying to distract me, trying to discourage me and its up to me to not let it get to me. It's up to me to keep trying. I am learning that God knows the desires of our hearts and He sees our effort and He will bless it. satan can't take that away unless we let him.

God is the same. He doesn't change because I wake up earlier or I pray earnestly to Him. I'm different from my effort and from my sacrifice of sleep or control; and that makes all the difference in the world! So keep trying, keep seeking and you will find Him, the God who will never change and who will never leave you nor forsake you!

A lot Like Me

I'm such a slacker in my blogging lately! To be honest-I have been holding on with a thread to try and get through these last few homeschooling weeks that I have not had much time for anything else. Why is it, the last few weeks of school are so hard? I am happy to say that I finally made it. With the exception of needing to finish writing a Geography final and grading a few papers, I have successfully finished teaching the 3rd grade! This week, my mother is doing our daughter's standardized testing (thanks SO much mom!). That has been a blessing to me, not to have to try and figure out how to do that without getting distracted by her two brothers!

This year was much harder than last year, but I think that is due to having a new baby and two boys who needed me as much as my student needed my attention! I think next year will be much easier. Wesley and I will keep homeschooling until the Lord releases us from the responsibility. For my parents who homeschooled my four siblings and I, the Lord told them to put us back in public school in middle school. I don't know if we'll do that or not. It is truly a year by year basis where we will decide. Sometimes, its a day by day thing where I have visions of sticking my children in the van and driving over to enroll her in the nearest school I find! (Thankfully the Lord always gives me strength in those moments to keep pressing on!) All that being said, I really hope I will have more time and inspiration to write more this summer.

Anyway, let me get to why I logged on to write to you in the first place! I thought I would share with you what happened at church on Sunday. I cannot quit thinking about it and I pray you can be in awe of our Heavenly Father like I was. We had a guest singer/speaker to lead our worship service. He was a member of the 1990's country band, Confederate Railroad. I wasn't amazed so much by that, because in my naivety I didn't really know much about that band. It wasn't until he said that Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney were his opening act that I realized just how famous a guy he was. (Am I showing my young age or what?) Anyway, he shared his testimony of being on the road and living the famous life filled with lots of money, lots of women and later lots of drugs. He had everything the world could offer, but he was absolutely miserable and empty. He told us how God swept him from the depths and saved him.

It wasn't his testimony so much that spoke to me, as much as what happened as a result of it. During the invitation time, many people came down and prayed, one rededicated her life, another said he wanted to be baptized. There was no question that God was at work amongst His people. It came down to the end of the invitation time and the Holy Spirit must have spoken to our pastor. Instead of closing and dismissing everyone to go home, he said that he really felt like there was someone else out there who was hanging on to that pew as hard as he could. He wanted to sing one more verse to give others a chance to come. I was sitting in the middle section of the church and the pastor was directly in front of me. Suddenly I saw him-red faced, tears pouring down his face, coming from the side. I wanted to shout, "Look-there he is, the one you were talking about!" He engulfed our pastor in a bear hug and I could hear his sobs. I lost it, I couldn't hold back my tears. I knew why he came and I knew that he had found what he needed most in all this world. To make this story even sweeter, this wasn't a man who went to church regularly, but God grabbed him while he was there for a short while. It was also Baptism Sunday. This man had come to watch a family member get baptized and that was why he was there. Isn't that such a beautiful picture of His love? He longs for us to come to Him and to reach out to Him and so many times we don't. And when we don't go looking for Him-He's always looking at us, trying to grab our attention.

The last few days I have thought about that man. I don't know his story, where he came from or what he's been through, but I do know that we are a lot alike. I can still remember my own face looking much like his did and my sobs sounding just as loud as his were. I remember the moment my eyes were opened and I saw God's love for me. It didn't matter what I had done or where my sinful life had taken me-He loved me anyway and He was longing to bring me home to where I belonged. I am so grateful that He didn't give up on me like so many people would have. He pursues our hearts and longs for us to make Him our Lord and Savior. He has blessed my life so much.

When I look at the Bible, I don't see perfect people that God used and that Jesus healed. I see murders, adulterers, prostitutes, the greedy, the faithless, the selfish and the stubborn. I see men and women who well...are a lot like me. Thankfully Jesus saved them anyway and God still did amazing things through their lives. He forgave them and just like the Prodigal son's father- He rejoices and grabs us in His arms and loves on us. The angels in heaven rejoice over our tears and our brokenness that brings us closer to God. Never think you have gone too far where He cannot reach you. Never think that a relationship with Him is meant for the perfect people who do no wrong. (For there is no such thing).

You are dearly loved and strongly pursued by the One who gave everything just so you could be together for eternity. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is make perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9, 10b

Making the Deadline

I know its been a while, and I apologize, but I made myself restrain from writing on my blog until I could finish writing an article for a magazine. It is hard for me to find time to write for both! I am excited to say that my first writing piece is complete and respectfully submitted to the publisher!

My mother made the comment the other day that she is "so glad that God is such a nag!" That is what God has been doing to me for the last week-nagging me, encouraging me and reminding me that there was an ever present May 1st deadline to submit to this particular magazine. I started on it about two weeks ago and then ran out of time. I started to think "Oh well, I'll try for another magazine maybe." But God said-"Oh no you don't!" Every time I would have a free moment, I would think, "Go work on that article!" I would wake up in the middle of night and debate on sneaking out to my living room (which was filled with silence) to work on it. God would wake me up at 5 am and tell me to get out of bed and go write. I am sad to say, I would usually roll over and say, "5 more minutes please!" and then wake up an hour and a half later! Oh the guilt!

I have learned a lot through this whole process. I will be shocked if my article is actually published, but I feel like God was trying to show me that I can do it. I can research the writing market, find a magazine, help determine their writing needs and then come up with an article for them, catered to their style. So...if you check here and see I haven't written in a while, send up a prayer for me because I could be fervently typing at my keyboard, trying to meet the next deadline! So-onto the next article....

Watching and Waiting

This morning if you would have walked past my bedroom door you might have heard me muttering, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!" (Phil. 4:13). I wasn't solving the world's problems or coming up with the cure for cancer- Ha! I was standing on a chair, with a screw driver in my hand, hair in a scrunchy, trying to put up window blinds that had fallen about a year ago! Our bedroom windows have been covered by this bright, pink blanket for so long, I'd forgotten it was there. Don't ask me what motivated me, but one thing was for sure-I was going to quit putting it off or waiting for someone else to do it.

So there I am, screwdriver in hand, doing the best I could, but I could NOT get that screw to go in the hole! Suddenly that verse popped in my head and I could almost feel His smile as I repeated it over and over out loud, gritting my teeth to get that screw to go in, asking Him to help me with something as trivial as screwing something to a window!

My, how easy it is to forget that we can call out to Him whenever and where ever, no matter the circumstance, no matter the situation and He'll be there-ready to help. Don't ever think He's too busy for all the tiny details of your life. Our lives are made up of all those tiny things and He is just watching and waiting to see if you're going to invite Him into your day. We don't live our lives in church everyday or with heads bowed in silence. No, our lives are lived out in the grocery store lines, the stop lights, getting gas, picking up milk, making dinner, feeding pets and giving baths. We are surrounded by coworkers, non Christians, believers, and children. There are people we like and people we don't. We spend our lives driving in the car, listening to the radio, watching Braves games and taking kids to T-ball practice. We struggle to meet deadlines whether they are some big business proposal or our children's bedtimes. That's where we live our lives, are you crying out to Him through out your busy day?

Did you take the time to see Him trying to grab your attention? It could have been in the birds chirping as you got ready this morning. Maybe it was the aroma of coffee lingering down the hallway. It could have been in your spouses kiss goodbye or cuddling with your little ones. Did you notice that bunch of flowers that just popped up in your yard? Did you hear your favorite song on the radio? Maybe a good friend called after a long time or your children took a nap and allowed you to rest. Did you laugh at a good joke or share a silly story? Maybe you got a good parking spot, right up front. All of those tiny things are His way of saying ,"I love you!"

Don't miss your Heavenly Father today! And NEVER think something is too small a thing to tell Him. He's watching and waiting-for you!

A Dose of Reality

A few days ago I had a temporary health scare. I say temporary because after worrying about something, it went away and I knew that I had nothing to be afraid of, but...for an afternoon, my mind was a whirl. I was reminded of a recent post on a blog my sister-in-law shared with me. (http://noahsteven.blogspot.com/) The author of this blog lost her baby boy at 7 months and 2 days old. She talked about how all of our days are numbered and written in the Book. He knows how much longer we have on this earth. Will I be here on earth for another day, another decade or many decades? There is no way for me to know, yet so often I live my life like I have all the time in the world. I will say, "I'll do that tomorrow" or "I'll call so and so tomorrow" but what if I don't have until tomorrow? What would I leave behind if I was gone?

Last week a web publicist from New York emailed me, asking if I would review the new Joyce Meyer book that is to come out this month. I have never read anything by Joyce Meyer, but I have seen her show on television before and I know she is highly respected in the christian community. It's also in my blood to never refuse a free book! Well, on that faithful day of me really putting my life in perspective, I got the book in the mail. It's called, The Secret to TRUE Happiness. I opened it and started reading the introduction. One of the quotes that jumped out was, "He does not want us simply to have life; He wants us to enjoy it and appreciate the gift of life that He has given us."

I don't find it a coincidence that these things happened on the same day. Simply put, I have been living, but not enjoying my days. I live, looking forward to the weekend when my husband is at home and I struggle through each home school day longing for the summer. I have felt guilt over things I put off and not prioritizing my time correctly. I am easily frustrated and at times feel like a failure when it comes to raising my children. I needed a good dose of reality, God's way. My life and my time is not my own-it's all His. All that I have and all that I am is His, but how easy it is to forget that!

Sunday our pastor encouraged us to memorize two verses this week. Galatians 2:20; "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

And Galatians 5:24, "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires."

Today as I waited for Wesley to come home for lunch I said the first verse over and over out loud. (My son thought this was hilarious!) I could really feel the impact of those words. I have been crucified in Him-the life I live is by faith and faith alone. In Sunday school we talked about faith as defined by Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." According to Galatians 2:20-that is how we are supposed to live our life. So ask yourself as I did, "Am I doing that? Am I really living by faith in the Son of God?"

Today is a new day, choose to live by faith!

Just as I am

I had a dream this morning. I was somewhere in the land of sleep and my husband getting ready for work while I tried to pretend it was still the middle of the night and a new day had not yet begun. In this dream, I was at a Beth Moore conference, only it wasn't a typical "Beth Moore Conference" where there are thousands of women there. We were in a small room in a church with maybe 100 people. She came and sat down next to me and talked to me about many things going on in my life. She had read my blog-ha,ha! and she knew me! I felt like I was talking to an old friend, not some big-time prayer warrior that I look up to with awe.

Suddenly our conversation was interrupted when in mid sentence, Beth started crying an annoying baby cry! Before I knew it, my husband was standing there handing me our crying baby. I closed my eyes and said, "Lord, I want to go back to that dream where Beth and I are friends and where she knows my name!" I could almost hear God chuckle as He responded by saying, "Well, I am your friend and I call you by name!" That got me to sit up in bed!

He IS God of the universe, even the thunderbolts and waves go to Him for direction (Job 38:35). And HE KNOWS ME!!! I can talk to the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings whenever and where ever I want! I don't have to make an appointment or wait in some long line. I don't have to try to decide what things are most important to say because of limited time. I don't have to wait until my life is totally in order and I look just right.

He doesn't care! He wants me to come-just as I am, whether I'm sad or angry or being a worry wart or I just woke up in the morning with no makeup! Just as I am; that's all He wants-me!

Just for Fun!

Can you name 10 body parts that are spelled with only 3 letters?

PS~ Click on the comment at the bottom to see the answer!

Branching off

I have a story I must share. I can't give specifics, but I still want to share as much as I can! Recently another job opportunity has come up. (I start to wonder if I find them or satan leads them to me!) It was a perfect opportunity, I could make my own hours, it was something I love and I could make a lot of money in a short amount of time. Sounds great right? Well, in the midst of my training, many unethical things came out. I was told to do some things that you could actually go to jail for! I knew without a doubt that I could not work for this person.

But there was a catch, I had accidentally gotten some friends of mine in the same situation and they were counting on me to help get them out. I felt as though I had a cloud surrounding my head. Every time my trainer would call or send me an email I would be grumpy for the whole rest of the day. I was on the phone, non-stop, all the time and got behind in all the things I should have been doing. I knew the Lord was telling me not to work for this person, but I felt I had no choice. I felt that for my friends, I had too.

Two days ago I decided to call the "Big Boss", who is over the whole southeast region and ask him some questions about certain business practices. I knew that I was not going to go and lie to people, but I was starting to get confused on what was a lie and what wasn't. I needed clarification for my soul to make sure that I was not going to accidentally say something that wasn't true. That conversation started a whirlwind, a domino effect. The companies corporate legal team was called in, the Vice President of the whole, nationwide company was contacted. People could have lost their jobs, all because I called to clarify some issues only to find that corporate wasn't even aware of what was happening!

The end result, I got my friends out of their financial burden, so they no longer need me. I found a way to still work for this highly respectable company, but under another manager. I'm not sure if I'm going to do that, but the option is still there. I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone when it hit me-God did this. All of my doubts and worries that had been swimming around in my head~He took care of them all. I felt as though I'd been walking around in a dark fog and couldn't see in front of me or behind me. I couldn't figure out a way to get out of the mess I was in-but He did. That weight was lifted and I was able to see again, I was once again walking in the Light and no longer in darkness. I always say that that is the best kind of weight loss! I felt so relieved, so comforted and He did it all.

Here I was, walking along, and I saw an opportunity to help us pay off our school loans. Those debts feel like a noose around my neck at times. I am always visioning what it would feel like to actually get to keep that money instead of sending it off to those companies. I am always trying to find a way...instead of seeking God and finding out what His way is. There even came a time this past Sunday where I heard God say that if I worked for this person, I'd be missing out on so many of His blessings because I would be walking without Him. I would be branching off His path and creating my own. He reassured me that He knew my situation and that He had another way-a better way, if I'd only trust Him and wait on Him. Oh what a mighty God we serve. His ways are so much higher than our ways, so much better than our ways and yet I'm amazed at how much I still try to do things my way! You'd think I'd learn this lesson after a while!

So, to make a longer story short, I am back on the right path, and back to where I need to be. I was never placed in a situation where I'd be expected to lie and I was able to stand up for what was right. I was able to hold people accountable for their actions. I don't know what God has in store for our financial future, but I do know that I'm going to trust that He knows what He's doing. If it should be His will for me to work under the management of this other man, so be it, if not, those loans will be paid off sooner or later-God's way, not my way!

Forget New Years Resolutions!

Wow! Am I behind or what? I have never-not-blogged for this long! I haven't read anyone else's blog up until a day ago, I haven't caught up on all my usual people-news. I just checked the web site where I can see the traffic on this blog and I was surprised to see most of you haven't given up on me yet! (Thank you, thank you, thank you!)

I have simply been soaking up my friends and family and trying to make the season last as long as I could! I decided this year to re-prioritize and not be "doing" the whole time. I wanted to enjoy the season and not be stressed out by the end of it and miss out on so many blessings. For instance, I made goodies for my neighbors, because I wanted too-not because I felt like I had too. I will have to remember this strategy next year! It made for a much more enjoyable time. Now as a downside, I'm paying for it by having to play "catch up" on all the things I left alone! But it was worth it!

The Lord really blessed me with a lot of time with my family~good, quality time like I'd hoped for. (There is a difference!) Family is a funny thing. They know you better than anyone else, and they can get under your skin more than any one, but they also love you more than other people. I re-read my last few posts of my hopes for the Christmas season and I can see just how much God was listening! I will treasure this time for a long while.

But, Christmas is gone now and it's time to look towards a new year. Many people are making New Years resolutions and trying to make a new beginning. I must admit, I've never gotten into New Year's Resolutions much. I see them more as a way to disappoint myself because chances are, they won't stick! One of the things I asked my husband for, for Christmas was the new Beth Moore, 90 Days with the One and Only series. Everyday for the next 90 days, I'll be learning more and more about my Savior. It has been good so far. I find myself debating on doing more than one day because I want to keep on reading! (and that's always a good sign!) Everyday I write out a prayer and I am reminded of how often I used to keep a prayer journal. I haven't done it in a while~on a consistent basis. I love to go back and read my prayers and see all the ways He answered them. Little, tiny ways that otherwise I would have missed. He cares about all the tiny details of our lives, details that we often don't tell Him about. He knows what's on your mind, what's bothering your heart. He knows what you wish you could change about yourself and about all your dreams for your future. Those are often things I think we overlook to tell Him.

I'm about to tell you a personal-inside-thing, but I'm in a conversational mood, and I feel like sharing! In this devotion book, my husband wrote me a little something like he always does when he gives me a book. (It is always my favorite part of the book!) This time part of what he wrote said, "There has been and will be no better man to walk this planet. I hope to be more like Him so that I can love you even more." WOW! I can't tell you how much I thanked my Lord and Savior for giving me a man like him!

His simple statement really stuck with me. The more and more I thought about it, I couldn't help but see that simple statement as my personal "New Years Resolution" if you will. If I knew Jesus more and tried to become more like Him, I couldn't help but love those around me-even more. It would be easier to love those who aren't so easy to love. It would be easier to be who He wants me to be this year-and less of all the expectations I have for myself. He could have a whole set of other plans for me; plans I'd miss out on if I didn't strive to be more like Him.

So that's my Life Resolution (forget just for the New Year!)-To know Him more and to be more like Him. I pray I'm more successful at that than I've ever been at any other resolution!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

~Proverbs 16:9

*I just re-read my last post and saw that I used this same bible verse. Both times, it was the verse that the Lord brought to my mind. Do you think He's trying to tell me something :-) I love when He does that!

A Tribute to My Man

Today, my Beloved turns the big 3-0! Not so old I know, we're still a bunch of youngins' but it is a birthday to commemorate! I decided that in his honor I'd share 31 fun facts (in very random order!) that you might not know about my hubby!

1. He has no sense of smell-never has. When he was a kid he thought it was all in his mind. He would stare at something and think "smell!" and thought that with his mind, he'd be able to smell it!

2. He loves mustard, black olives and mushrooms.

3. The Lord of The Rings is his favorite trilogy.

4. He loves science fiction books.


5. He'd play Axis and Allies everyday if he could.

6. When he was a child he used to put salt in his little brothers milk. His mother never knew and always made Philip drink it! To this day, Philip doesn't like milk!

7. He had his own tree on the playground in kindergarten. His teacher would say, "Wesley, go to your tree!" His teacher retired after that year and he's proud to say it might have been because of him!

8. He loves green, mint chocolate chip ice cream.

9. He was a lifeguard for many years at the Windsor Park Pool.

10. He loves pie, not cake. Every year for his birthday he spends days trying to decide on what kind of pie he wants me to make him-this year its a peanut butter pie.

11. He loves him some great Georgia football!

12. He loves good, 'ole southern food like collard greens, black eyed peas, mashed potatoes and country fried steak.

13. When he was a kid and got in trouble he would love it when his dad sent him to his room. It gave him a chance to sit and read by himself. His dad soon figured this out, so instead he started making Wesley sit on the couch and watch Nascar-to this day Wesley hates Nascar!

14. There are two things he WILL NOT EAT, chunky tomato's and marshmallows...not even Rice Crispy treats or Lucky Charms cereal!

15. He doesn't drink coffee, but drinks a cup of hot, green tea at least once a day.

16. Changing dirty diapers grosses him out more than anything else in this world!

17. One of his favorite things to do every week is prepare for the Sunday School lesson.

18. He spent countless hours learning about diamonds and searching for the perfect engagement ring for me. Once he finally got it, there was so much going on, he wasn't able to find that "perfect moment". Finally, after two weeks of it burning a hole in his pocket-he asked me to marry him on my parents front porch at 2 o'clock in the morning as I told him goodbye for the night!

19. He loves to play board games of all kinds.

20. His ultimate dream and plan for when he retires is to write.

21. He hopes to one day go to New Zealand, like many other Lord of the Rings lovers and see the beautiful countryside that was used in the setting of the movies.

22. He does not like to hunt, fish or fix things like most men do, but he loves a great book and to throw a baseball with his best friend Seth any day.

23. He doesn't like any type of grape flavored medicine.

24. When he was a kid, his mother had a whole bag of M&M's in the fridge. One morning, he snuck the bag and ate the whole thing. He got so sick that he won't eat M&M's to this day!

25. His favorite color is royal blue.

26. At the young age of five, he told his kindergarten teacher he was going to be a lawyer when he grew up!

27. He calls Randol his Tator Tot.

28. In his second year of college, him and a friend went to go see the Return of the Jedi in theatres on opening day. When the famous light saber fight scene started playing, him and his friend got up and re-enacted the scene with their own light sabers! Much to their enjoyment the theatre crowd cheered them on!

29. He graduated Sum a Cum Laud from Mercer University for his undergraduate degree in History and Political Science.

30. He had always planned on going to the University of Georgia. He was accepted in high school, then decided to go to Andrew College for two years. He was accepted to UGA again, only he thought he wouldn't want to spend five years in one town. He figured he'd go to Mercer for the last two years of undergrad and then go to UGA for law school...only they didn't accept him a third time and he ended up spending five years in Macon, GA at Mercer! Life is ironic sometimes isn't it?

Happy Thanksgiving To You and Your Family!

I Just Had to Share...

I woke up Sunday morning with expectation. It was Mission Sunday. What is Mission Sunday you ask? It was a Sunday devoted completely to the Great Commission. Our church didn't have Sunday school or split services. Our whole congregation sat together and then enjoyed a pot luck lunch afterwards. We had guest speakers from Uruguay and Montana. We have had a few mission teams go and help these missionaries. It was neat to see the faces of these brave men and women that I have heard about for so long.

My husband had to go to church early because he was in a short skit as a bum. It is never easy getting three children ready for church, but its even harder by yourself. Well I was proud of myself, not only were we all ready, we were ready with minutes to kill! Well of course my picture-mania brain kicked in as I saw my two boys wearing matching sweater vests for the first time and I thought, "I have time to take some pictures!"

As you can see, Foster was not up for sitting still, he never is, but especially when he knows we are about to go "bye-bye". That boy loves to leave our house and then he gets just as excited to some back home! He will clap as we pull out of the driveway and then clap as we pull back in! It makes me feel good to see how happy is about coming back to our home. Hopefully I'll be more successful at picture taking for Halloween!

It was a great Sunday. I needed to see my church family getting together and simply enjoying one another's company. So often we forget that we are a family, meant to love and serve one another. What an important role in the church! I was also reminded that we are all called to go and make disciples, preaching the gospel. So often we think that foreign missionaries are the only ones who have to do that. We also have that same calling, we are do to do the same right here in our own homes, with our neighbors and with the people we see at the grocery store. He has placed that calling in all of us.

I had another sweet surprise this morning. My sister-in-law called asking if I wanted to come over to see her new house and to let the kids play. Her family just moved here last weekend and are now within a 12 minute drive from my house (versus an hour and a half). Wesley had helped them move over the weekend, but I had still not seen the new house yet. Our children are very close in age with the exception of Randol.

Right now, she is still so young that she can still play and have fun with the younger children.

One day Randol will be like I was-too old to play, but not old enough to be a grown up, but still getting more privilages than the younger kids. I got to stay up late with the grown ups and eat ice cream. I got to get paid to babysit my little brothers and sisters and cousins. There will come a time where she will be "too old" to play. For now, I will savor her desire to read to them and play with them and show them new things. I will enjoy her childhood! We grow up too soon and time goes by too fast.

Today...I enjoyed Keri's company and my children simply being children. It is so hard to get wrapped up in the day-to-day things that we miss the little gifts in between. When Keri called this morning, asking if I wanted to come over, my first thought was, "I can't, we have to do school!" Then I remembered-I have no time limit and flexibility is a must! So...we put school on hold for the morning and worked until the late afternoon to make up for it...but it was worth it! How blessed I am that Randol was home and not in school so she didn't have to miss out on playtime with her cousins!

Letting Go

Two years ago, I woke up on a morning such as this, only I was pregnant with my son Foster and due any day. I sat on my couch and wrote in my journal. I was so anxious and a little afraid of the whole labor process. I was scared of how a new baby was going to effect Randol after being an "only child" for so long. I was afraid for myself and this new responsibility. I questioned my mothering skills, wondering if I had what it took to have another child. I was worried about the timing, would my mom and my mother-in-law get to be at the hospital like they both wanted? Would Wesley be able to get out of work or what if he was in the courtroom and no one could tell him I was in labor? So many things running through my head. That morning, I gave them all to my Heavenly Father. I poured out my heart to Him and asked Him to forgive my silly thoughts and to relieve me of my anxiousness. I can still remember how relieved I felt after unloading my (silly) burden.

That night around midnight my contractions were so intense that we went to the hospital. Foster was born the next morning and he was by far my easiest labor! Everything I worried about-He took care of, better than I ever could have hoped for. I knew the Lord was with me. He was faithful. I took Him at His Word to hear my prayer and He did.

This morning I also feel discouraged-not over having a baby, but over life in general. A few things have happened lately that's hard for me to let go of. I tend to think of things and let them fester in my mind. I need to let go and realize-I cannot please everyone and there will always be some people who will not like me-no matter how hard I try.

And that's ok.

I have to realize that there are some situations that only God can fix. I need to let go and let Him work and quit running myself ragged to try and do it all myself. So, I come this morning with a heavy, but hopeful heart. I know my Redeemer lives and I know that it is what He thinks that matters more than any person here on earth. Just as He comforted and relieved my heavy heart two years ago, I know He can do the same this morning, I just have to let it go...

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful;

but heartache crushes the spirit."

~Proverbs 15:13