A Journey Filled With Grace

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I had mentioned a while back that I was working on my testimony. It has taken much longer to do than I first expected. Sharing some of my darkest secrets and the worst times in my life, is not something I want to just post on the web for anyone to read. This was an act of obedience and of faith. I spent a lot of time in His word, making sure that I was saying what He wanted me to share. I meant to post this last weekend, but with the possibility of the baby coming much sooner than expected, my life was thrown into baby overdrive! That being said, instead of changing a few of the details and taking even longer to post, I decided to post it as it is. For instance, my daughter's birthday was not last week, but two weeks ago and I'm obviously not pregnant with my fourth child anymore, but now a mother of four children! Please bare with me, open your heart and I really pray you will be blessed. This is my gift to Him this Easter weekend. I pray He will use my life, even my mistakes, to draw others closer to Himself.
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Ten Years.

In some ways it feels like it was yesterday and in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed, all for the better. There was so much to celebrate in addition to my daughters birthday, this past weekend. Her birth is only the beginning of the story.

Sadly, I don't remember how I felt when I was pregnant or what it was like to hold her as a baby, but I do remember the sweet little girl with golden pig tails and big blue eyes. I remember going shopping and getting up to the register with clothes I never put in the cart. She'd look up at me and say, "It's cuuute!" and I'd realize that she had been putting things in the cart when I wasn't looking. I remember playing hide and seek and seeing her legs sticking out from under the bath towels as she thought her whole body was covered. I remember the little girl who would play dress up. Every Single Day. And who would sometimes trade in her pink princess dresses to play army men with her "Uncle Jackson". I remember eating Zaxby's the night before she started kindergarten and her talking about all the friends she knew she was going to make. I remember walking down that long hallway after dropping her off on her first day of school and Welsey leaning over, putting his arm around me and saying, "Well, our daughter's fine, but how's her mama doing?" as I fought back tears. I'll never forget when she was six and found a caterpillar in the yard and named it. I was a mean mama and wouldn't let her bring it into the house. After dinner she went to go check on it, and found that tragically the ants had been eating dinner too. She cried and cried. It was the first caterpillar funeral I ever attended. Her heart for animals has always been so strong and tender. I remember at a book fair at school, the only books she wanted were snake books-which I am horrified of. After trying to get her to want some cute puppy dog books, I realized that if books about snakes was what she wanted-at least it was educational and I should encourage her to learn-even if it's something I'd rather not learn about! Lucky for me, the one fascination of hers that has stuck since she was four, is her love for horses. She has read every horse book she can get her hands on, she draws them, writes stories about them and even dreams about them. I am starting to think that it might not be a phase, but apart of who she is.

Ten years. It goes by in a blink, yet, so much has changed in that short amount of time.

I will always look on her birthday in a different way than my other children. Her birthday is a yearly reminder of where I was and how far God has brought me from. You see, my sweet Randol wasn't conceived by two loving and wedded parents. I was only 18 when I found out I was pregnant with her. I was a week away from going to freshmen orientation at the University of Alabama. I was to be starting the most exciting part of my young adult life and I traded it all in for a moment of pleasure and stupidity. I'll never forget how I felt standing on my parents front porch to get away from the listening ears of my younger siblings to tell my parents that I indeed would not be going to college and why. I will always remember my dad saying, "What do you mean you're pregnant?" in a stern, but very confused and sad tone of voice. I knew that I had broken the hearts of the two people I loved the most. And it was too late to go back and change it. I had gone from growing up in the same church my whole life, accepting Jesus as my Saviour as a child, being a leader in my youth group...to being another teen pregnancy statistic.

Six weeks later, I married my boyfriend on our three year dating anniversary. The next two years I moved around and followed him where ever the Air Force would send us, which happened to mainly be Texas and Utah. We went to church once or twice, but we were not ready to give up the life of sin we were in, to follow Christ. We drank and smoked a lot. We said words we should never say and did things that are just shameful. We fought. A lot. Angry, violent kinds of fights. It was a very unhealthy relationship, especially towards the end. Things went from bad to worse and before I knew it, I was 21 years old, loading up a UHaul to drive across the country, back home to Georgia.

I became a single mother, sharing a room with my two year old daughter in my parents house. Not exactly how I'd pictured my life to be when "I grew up". My mother made me go to church every Sunday where people would ask where my husband was. After weeks and months went by, they realized-I wasn't leaving. I wasn't home for some short visit. I was here for good. And he wasn't.

When I got back home so much time had gone by, day after day, sin after sin, that I had convinced myself that I was out of the reach of God. My self esteem was so low that I truly thought God could never love someone like me. Ever. In addition to all the sins we had both committed before and during our marriage, I was now divorced-the Bible says God hates divorce. I did all kinds of research, finding verses that said if a man marries a divorced woman that he is an adulterer. Satan used those few verses to cloud my judgement and make me forget the Bible verses about His unconditional love. Or about all the stories in the Bible of how God used sinful people, just like me, for His good. I really thought I'd be a lonely, single mother my whole life. I had no idea what wonderful plans God had in store for me.

I started college and more importantly the following summer, I started a short summer Bible study. There was a lady whose husband was stationed at Ft. Benning for only a year. She immediately got plugged into our church and started teaching. She used to say that she didn't understand why God would move their whole family for only a year. As the weeks went by, I knew why God had brought her to my church. That summer changed my life. Forever.

As a child, I had been saved and baptised and I had lived the "good" life up until my junior/senior year of high school, then I started on a downhill spiral that never really stopped. Until that faithful summer. I was still really struggling with the thought of being divorced. My mother told me that she didn't think getting a divorce was part of Gods will for my life because she didn't think it was part of His plan for me to ever get married in the first place. That sunk in to the very depths of my soul and I realized she was right. At the young age of 18, I was only trying to "fix" my mistake and I only made a much bigger and harder mistake by getting married. Don't get me wrong, I did love him, but I never would have married him if I hadn't been pregnant. God had so much more planned for my life than I could have ever imagined.

In that summer Bible study, we came to Zephaniah 3:17, "For the Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will quiet you with His love and rejoice over you with singing." We watched a Beth Moore video that day and Beth described that verse like this. Just as a mother cradles her child and rocks them back and forth, comforting them, God longs to do the same for us. He longs for us to crawl up into His large, lap and call Him "Abba, Father" and let Him sing us a lullaby, quieting our pain and our hurts with His love. I realized that day-that is what He'd been trying to tell me all a long. "Just crawl up into my lap, Marion. I love you more than you will ever know and I will walk beside you. Repent and be forgiven. Your sins, no matter how great, will be as far as the east is from the west. But it's your choice, I have already chosen you, will you choose to return to Me?"

That night when I got home, it was late and everyone was asleep. I remember it was raining hard outside and I could hear the drops hitting the roof and the window. I got down on my knees and prayed. I remember my face was crammed into the carpet as I felt I couldn't bow any lower before my King. Sobbing, I asked Him to forgive me and I crawled up into my Abba's lap. I was so unworthy of His love. Outside, as the rain washed away the dirt and grime of the earth, He washed away all of my scarlet sins and when I stood up, I was as white as snow. In Luke 15:7, Jesus says, "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." I know there was a party in heaven that night!

That was the beginning of the life I know now. It just so "happened" that that summer I also ran back into Wesley-a boy from my youth. He had just started dating someone at the time and I wasn't looking for a relationship AT ALL, which was a perfect combination for both of us. I started going to the College group at church and we became friends again. We'd go to lunch or email and just share as friends what was going on in our lives. As months went by, the relationship he was in ended and we started to fall in love. I fought it. With all of my being. He was so perfect and such a great guy. He was everything I'd ever wanted, but never felt I deserved. The battles of insecurity came back as I'd tell myself how he deserved better than me, he deserved someone without a child and without a past.

But he didn't want anyone else. He loved me and Randol. I had come full circle. This boy I knew as a youth had turned into a man over the years I had been gone. He was the same boy who used to come to my house when I was only 13 and play Axis and Allies with my father. The same one who found an old journal from when he was only 15 years old and in it-he'd written about a crush he had on a girl who would ten years later, become his wife. He was the same boy who would run to my house to visit me, only for me to be embarrassed to come out and instead he'd stand outside and talk with my mother. If I only I'd known then, that the same guy who would give my brothers and sisters piggyback rides up my street, would do the same with our own children!

As time went by, I realized that all the effort to convince myself that I wasn't good enough for him couldn't change the fact that I couldn't live without him. God opened my eyes and helped me to see just how special I was and that it was His plan for us to be together forever. It had nothing to do with what I did or did not deserve. He was a gift, sent from heaven and the neat thing is, he felt the same way about me.

The night he proposed on my parents front porch, he said something I'll never forget. On one knee, holding my hand he told me how much he loved me...and my daughter. He promised to take care of both of us and to be the daddy she'd never had, to love and adore her as his own. So much time has gone by now that we have both forgotten that she isn't his by blood!

Six months later, we were married in the church we first met at, so long ago; the same one we still attend today. The day of our wedding, as we were standing at the alter saying our vows, the sun light came through the church windows. It was like a heavenly spotlight shining only on us. I remember my friend who was in charge of the lights and audio told me that she had nothing to do with that light! I will never forget feeling God's smile and blessing our marriage right from the start. I stood there feeling as clean and pure as my white wedding gown. God created us as one and I knew that we were destined to do great things for Him. Once again, God had much more planned for Randol and I's lives... and now Wesley's life, than we ever could have imagined.

Wesley and I recently celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary in December. I never knew marriage could be so easy. We have our days and our moments, but from the start we have always put the other one before ourselves and that has made all the difference. Some wise person once told me that marriage isn't about giving 50/50 to your spouse. In order for marriage to work, you must be willing to give 110% to him, leaving out nothing, and he must be willing to do the same. I would do anything for that man. He can melt my heart in one look. I mean it when I say that I go to bed every night thanking God for giving me such a gift. I never knew that love and marriage could be so wonderful-when it is the kind of institution that God has ordained. When the Lord is at the center of your marriage, everything else just falls into place. I cannot even begin to tell you all the ways the Lord has used us together in these five short years, to help further His kingdom. What a blessing and a privilege.

I have been forgiven and redeemed, but there are still times when I will pay the consequences for my past. One of my most hated questions is when someone asks me how long we've been married. It turns into a time line thing. Five years, but our oldest child just turned twice that amount, somethings not right. I get protective of Wesley. I want them to know that it was me-not him who had a child and messed up. I want them to know that we did not have a child together before we were married. We did things God's way and waited until our wedding night. I want them to know that he is every bit as full of integrity and honesty as they thought. It was me. Not him. In this sad day and age of divorce being a norm, I will usually answer with, "I was married before," or if I feel led, I will share with them my story. One day my other children will inevitably ask why their older sister is in some of their parents wedding pictures. It will be a consequence that will always follow me for the rest of my life.

But God has shown me that instead of looking at it as a bad thing, I should look at it as an opportunity to share what He has done in my life. I should not be ashamed of what brought me back to Him. I should proud of the daughter He inevitable gave to Wesley and I. I smile at how good the grace of Jesus is, when people tell Wesley all the time how Randol looks more like him, than like me. She acts more like him, has his allergies and his mannerisms. It is a God thing. She is every bit his child. It goes way beyond the adoption papers he signed six months after we were married. Way beyond reason. It goes back to God.

Over the last eight years this scared, 21 year old who thought she'd never get remarried or have more children, is now married to a deacon and Sunday School teacher and leader in our church. She has two healthy boys and is due any day now with a fourth child. She is loved and honored and cherished, not just by her Heavenly Father, but by her earthly husband. God has much more planned for her than she ever could have imagined.

Without my past, I would probably not love my Sweet Jesus the same. I had to go through the muck and the mire to find out that you can never go so far that He cannot reach you. If He can find Jonah in a whale, He can find you in whatever pit you have gotten yourself into. The Bible says that He will redeem your life from the pit and will crown you with love and compassion, satisfying your desires with good things so that your youth will be renewed (Psalm 103:4-5). He loves you so much that He sent His One and Only Son to die for you (John 3:16). There is no where you can go or nothing you can do, to lose that love. I pray that if you have walked in the same shoes that I have and you feel like you have gone too far for Him to care, that you will simply turn around and quit running. Turn around and start over. Get on your knees and ask for forgiveness and then thank Him for loving you so much to turn your insides of blackness, to pure white snow. You hold the keys. In Joel 2:25, God says that He will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten. Let Him restore you and forgive you for all the years that the locusts of sin has taken from your life. It's never too late to start over. He's standing there waiting for you to simply turn around. Will you?

You may identify more with my life now, 10 years later, forgiven and restored. I pray you will use your testimony to reach out to other people. Your testimony is simply where you were before you met God and where He's brought you from since that moment. I can remember a time that I was asked to speak to the youth in my church on a Wednesday night. There were roughly 150 or so teenagers there, many of which I had babysat as a youth. In preparation for what I was going to say, I had searched and searched in book after book to find what God wanted me to share. All the while I knew, He wanted me to share my story. I'll never forget sitting outside the youth room, listening to the loud music and the teenage chatter. My heart was pounding and I was almost in tears. I sat there litterally begging God to release me from sharing my deepest secrets to a bunch of teenagers. I kept telling Him that I couldn't do it. I almost ran out of there.

Then it was my turn. I walked up to that microphone and all fear and trembling ceased. My mouth openned and He gave me the words. And I did it. I have learned that just like with this blog post of sharing with you right now, when He calls you to do something, He will equip you to do that task. It may be as simple as equipping you with courage or strength. All you need is the faith to trust Him and take that first step. I have been humbled at how many military wives or divorced women or mothers with teenage, pregnant daughters or mothers of young children, God has brought into my life to minister to. I am still amazed at how God can take something so ugly and so shameful and turn it into something so beautiful. Let Him do that with your life.

Many of you reading this may have never experienced a life of sin like I have, but there is another "pit" you may have fallen into, a pit of pain. Sometimes things happen in life that hurt so badly that we live our whole lives trying to get over it, or learning to live with it. It could be a loved one passing away, an illness, a divorce or some event from your childhood. It could be a battle of infertility or a horrible accident with lifelong changes. Whatever it is, you have written God off and have chosen to live your life without Him. I don't know why these things happen, but I do know that He longs to hold you and wipe your tears away. He is waiting for you to cry out to Him and let Him take your pain. You don't have to keep living day to day, struggeling to survive and dreading to get out of bed. Isaiah 43:1b-2 says, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..." Turn to the One who can comfort you and who will carry you through lifes pains and sufferings.

No matter where you are in life, living for the Lord is a choice and it's not always an easy one to make. It sounds so much easier to go about life on your own, doing what you want, when you want. BUT... He has SO MUCH MORE planned for your life, than you ever could have imagined!!! Jesus said in John 10:10, "A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, a more and better life than they ever dreamed of." (The Message) Jesus came to this earth, not so you could just survive day to day, but so that you could have a life beyond your imaginations. A life spent in a relationship with Him which will never end, not even in death. Don't believe the lies that satan has told you. Don't let the evil one steal, kill and destroy your joy. Let today be your beginning!

Our New Man Sam!

Here are pictures of our new little man,
Samuel Mark Lambertus
Born April 6, 2009 at 9:29 pm
7 lbs. 7 ozs. 20 1/2 in

We are doing great and working

to find our "new normal"!

Thanks so much for all your

love and prayers!

Being Prepared

Last Sunday when we finished Sunday School, I was flipping through my Bible to see what we'd be studying next. We had just completed studying the first 39 chapters of Isaiah and I knew that the rest of the book was filled with so many good verses. My eyes immediately went to Isaiah 40:11, "He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."

A few days later I was trying to decide what verse I wanted to memorize for the next two weeks. I knew that my life would be changing as I became a mother of four children over that time. I really wanted something to guide me as a mother. Then I thought of that verse. I didn't know it word for word and decided that was going to be my verse to put to memory.

On Friday night, we had just finished eating dinner. Welsey and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking while the boys ran up and down the hallway, chasing each other. I cannot get enough of hearing them laugh and play together. They would run into their room, then run in the kitchen and give me a kiss, back and forth they'd go. Not too unusual of a Friday night but...in a matter of seconds, the situation changed.

Foster turned to look back at his brother and ran full force into the corner of the kitchen counter. I saw it happen, watching helplessly. As we went to get him, he sat up and a river of blood gushed down the side of his face, into his eye, and all over his clothes. And I knew-this was bad. I grabbed a towel, handing it to Wesley who was cradling him on the floor, applying pressure to his forehead. Foster didn't cry much, he just laid there in his Daddy's arms. I called my mom and she rushed over to the house to watch our other two children. Wesley held Foster in the front seat, applying pressure to his head, while I drove to the ER. I was scared, and my heart was pounding as I tried to drive as carefully as I could, knowing my two men were not strapped into a seat belt, but wanting to hurry so that my son wouldn't lose too much blood.

As we drove, we talked about the sunshine outside, the big trucks that would pass by and what color the traffic lights were; anything to keep him calm and not be scared. When we finally arrived, we were blessed to not have to wait too long until we were called into the Triage unit. Our doctor was a nice, older man who had been a doctor for 35 years. He talked and played with Foster, trying to get him comfortable.

Then he took off the bandage they had put on his head when we first got there. You could see his reaction before he ever opened his mouth. He looked at us gravely, the sparkle in his eye was gone as he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to stitch that up. It's going to hurt some, but he'll be more scared than anything else." I knew that this grown man wasn't looking forward to what was to come, which didn't make my heart as a mama feel any better.

After watching a few cartoons, it was time. Since Foster is so young, they said they would have to bind him up to make absolutely sure that he would not move. It was an important step to ensure that the stitches could be done right to prevent scarring and infection. They got a sheet and wrapped it around his body until all you could see were his tiny feet sticking out at the bottom. It was like he was in a straight jacket. They laid him on the hospital bed, got medical tape and taped it across his body, in case he squirmed. That was when he started crying. My heart broke as I couldn't do anything to calm my child's fears. They placed a cloth over half his face so that he could only see out of one eye and was angled away from the surgery. The doctor and nurses were surprised that Welsey and I didn't want to sit outside while they stitched him up. There was no way we were going to leave our little guy there alone. I was silently praying my heart out, for the doctor and nurses, for Foster not to be in pain and for his fears to be calmed. I prayed that God would give Welsey and I the strength to keep a smile on our faces and watch them stitch up his wound. To top off the drama, by this point I was having contractions every 7 minutes; not strong contractions, but enough to be a distraction. I kept telling God that I couldn't go into labor-I had to be there for my Little Man. I love when we think we can tell God what is best for us!

I sat at Foster's feet, rubbing them and kissing them until he cried out, "I want Mommy!" I sat up and said "I'm right here, honey!" He replied by saying, "I can't see you!" The nurse got out of the way so I could be by his face where he could see me. I rubbed his tummy, that had been covered by the sheet and smiled, telling him what a good job he was doing. Wesley and I both talked smoothly to him and did our best to get him through it.

Then, it was over. They lifted him up, unwrapped him and he sat in my lap, sucking his thumb, holding his blanket. Welsey kept telling him that the doctor was his friend and we should be thankful to them for helping his head feel all better. Then, Foster softly said, "Thank you," to the doctor and the nurses. It was precious.

Long after we got home and went to bed, I played the whole night over and over in my head. I thought about all the corners and table ends in my house that were waiting to hurt my children. I tossed and turned. My house which once seemed so safe, now felt like a mine field that I was sending my children through each day.

As I laid there in the dark, trying to pray and trying to think of happier days, I remembered my verse. He gathers His lambs and holds them close to His heart. He leads those who have young. And suddenly, like a light bulb going off, all I could think about was how lucky I was that everything went so well. Wesley was home, we didn't have to wait long at the ER, the staff was nice, Foster was calm etc. I thanked Him and gave Him all the glory. I could finally see that as Isaiah 40:11 says, He had been leading us the whole time. What a blessing that we have the God of the Universe to help guide us as parents!

I had no idea, five days earlier that I would need that verse this week. There was no way I could have known what was to come, but He did. God knew how important it was for me to be reminded that He is in control and He loves my children even more than I do. He is watching over them and leading me as their mother. I love how God works! His Word is living and active and so relevant to today. All we have to do is open His Book and read His words and listen to what He has to say. I pray that I never forget how important it is to make time for that!

Kicking off Randol's Birthday Weekend

I know this is random, but I wanted to share two funny motherhood stories with you...

Yesterday, I went to Publix to finish buying a few odds and ends for when our family comes over tonight to celebrate Randols birthday. My mom graciously took Foster to Speech, so it was just Randol, Will and I. When we were checking out, I realized I had forgotten my Publix green bags. The cashier was a really nice young man who looked at me and said in a compassionate voice, "It's OK, you already really have your hands full!" looking at Will in the cart. I had on a huge raincoat and my prego belly was hidden behind the jacket and the register. I looked at him and smiled, thinking, "If you only knew!" As I walked past him, I couldn't help but look back to see the look of suprise on his face as he now saw the outline of my really big belly!

Last night, we let Randol choose any restaurant she wanted to go to for her birthday. As you can see, she chose Steak and Shake. You should have seen the looks we got walking in there with four children (Randol's best friend Joanna was with us) and my huge, "due any day" pregnant belly! A few folks even stopped us to ask, "Are all those kids yours?" I'm sure it is the start of many...many looks of craziness directed our way!

A Little Catching Up

I know many of you have asked or emailed where I've been as far as this blog goes. A few weeks ago I realized that much of my day was spent online doing photography stuff, reading other people's blogs, on Facebook or simply looking up different things. Don't get me wrong, none of those things are bad, but they were becoming bad for me. I would get frustrated at myself for not accomplishing daily goals or I'd get upset with my children for bothering me while I was "working" on something. My days became short and my time would evaporate and disappear once I sat down at my computer. Checking email for five minutes would turn into a two hour ordeal as I'd get distracted by other things online.

I recently looked back over the past bible study books I've done. There were numerous times I was asked what God wanted me to do, or what I felt He was saying to me through the scriptures and almost every time, I would write the same thing. Nine times out of ten, I'd say something about His calling on my life to write my testimony and share it and then to submit a particular article I'd written to a certain publisher. For a whole year I've felt that...and haven't done it. My inspiration to write has left me, which is SO unusual. I used to write blogs or magazine articles in my head all day long, but not anymore. I began to pray about what that meant. Was I wrong? Had I missed something? Then God began to show me, everyday how I was essentially wasting away my days doing what Marion wanted-not what He wanted. If I wanted to get that daily inspiration back and start living for Him again, I had two tasks to accomplish-write and share my testimony and submit the article to that publisher.

For the last two weeks, when I get on the computer I am mainly working on those two objectives and I feel pleasure knowing that I am finally obeying Him. It's funny how we can start out doing something for Him only to have it become all about ourselves as time goes by. The whole reason I started this blog was to bring Him glory. It was a huge leap of faith for me. I was so afraid of who would read it, what they would say, if would I offend anyone and on and on the insecurities would go. With the help and support of my husband, I realized that it didn't matter what anyone else thought as long as I was pleasing my God, it is His opinion that matters. God is all around us, watching us, helping us and hopefully cheering us on in His good works. It is up to us to recognize Him and give Him the thanks and appreciation for all He has done and is doing in our lives.

Have you done that lately? Have you stopped to thank Him, not just pray asking Him for something? Stop and look around. It doesn't matter how this economy is or what our President is doing, the King of Kings is still on His throne. He knows what is going on around you and in your life. Trust Him and know that though people may fail you, He never will. He has a plan and a purpose for your life. Sometimes I'll listen to the news and feel my stomach turn into knots as I start to wonder what kind of life my children and grandchildren will face. I've even wondered if it was such a good idea to bring so many children into this crazy and unpredictable world. I am then reminded what a privilege it is to have them and I begin to pray for them and the future they may face. God is raising an army. I truly believe that. I wonder what role I will play, what part my children will play. And everything becomes clear. I am not on this earth for me-I'm here for a purpose. Any suffering that comes with it, is a privilege, not a curse. Am I accomplishing His tasks for my life? Sometimes I'm not, but for now, I'm back on track, right where I need to be!

That being said, keep checking for that testimony. It should be posted soon. Now...that is a huge leap of faith for me! I pray that if there is anyone left out there who still checks this site and hasn't given up on me, that you will be blessed by what you read. I love reading comments, it always puts a smile on my face...hint, hint! Thanks for your encouragement and your support! Until next time, keep your eyes to the skies and your hope in the One True God who will never leave you or forsake you!

God Bless, Marion

Wordless Wednesday

6 weeks left until our due date!

So Simple

So small and simple, yet so beautiful. Not a lot of color, but made up of so much detail. There is none in this world like it, nor will there ever be. It is here for just a short time, and then, gone. Never to return.

I sat watching the white snowflakes fall on my black jacket. There would be clumps of them, all together, making it impossible to distinguish between each flake. Every once in a while, there would be just one to fall; one to gaze upon in amazement of the beautiful, intricate detail. And then it would be gone, melted away, left only in my memory.

Sitting there watching the wonder of a small snowstorm in the South, I couldn't help but think of how much detail God put into all of those tiny snowflakes falling around me. How long it would take me to come up with just ten or more snowflake "designs" and yet here were millions, trillions and probably more, all different, falling around me.

I started to see, I was just like that snowflake. God has spent so much time and effort, first into creating me in my mother's womb, then to shape me and define me in His image. Just like that tiny flake, I am also beautiful to Him and cherished by Him, for His pleasure and to bring Him glory. One day, only He knows when, I will be gone from this world with only a memory to those I touched, remaining. How much of a legacy will I leave behind? How many lives will I have reached for His kingdom?

I am so small compared to the atrocities of the world; so tiny compared to the great spiritual giants that have walked this earth; so little compared to all the beautiful wonders of this world. Yet, I can be so big in His grace, so loved by His heavenly arms and powerful enough to move mountains, if I will only believe and commit to walking in His ways.
How about you? Are you ready to move some mountains today? Are you ready to let the God of all creation love you and cherish you like He has always wanted? Are you ready to live life like He has meant you to live it? The choice is up to you. Today could be your beginning, the beginning of where you were and where God met you. Will you choose Him today?

Hershey Kisses from Heaven

I have heard people say that it is in the good times of life that God becomes forgotten, people become secure and start to depend on their own strength. Yet, it is in the storms of life that most cling to Him with every fiber of their being, holding on to the only thing they have-Him. What do you think? I don't want to be a "wayward Christian," only being strong in my faith at certain times of my life. I want to realize that all things in life come from Him-the good and the bad.

Beth Moore has started a rally to encourage others to memorize scripture. The 1st and 15th of every month, anyone can go to her blog and write what verse they are going to memorize for the next two weeks.The best way to pick one verse out of so many, is to think of what you need right now. It could be patience, or confidence or the need to trust and no longer worry. In January, I needed strength; strength of mind and spirit, so I looked up "strength" in the concordance of my Bible and read every verse about strength until I found the one my soul needed most. It was weird how it almost lept off the page shouting, "I'm it, I'm the verse you are looking for!" When I would start to lose my patience or become weary, I would say that verse and it would really change my perspective. I was reminded that He is my strength and that I am not meant to handle everything life throws at me, on my own.

The beginning of this month, I really wanted to be mindful of being thankful of all the blessings in my life. When you live each day thinking of how blessed you are-it's hard to get weary or bothered or begin to worry. My ladies Bible study group has been going through a different book of the Bible each week. Since the beginning of this year, we have spent a lot of time going over verses that at one point in my life-was all I had. There have been so many times I was taken back to a horrible time in my life and saw the drastic difference of how things were and how things are now. I have spent a lot of time thanking God for saving me from myself and for restoring what the locusts of sin had eaten (Joel 2:25). I pray my heart will always be mindful to look around and see how blessed I truly am.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,

continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him,

strengthened in the faith as you were taught,

and overflowing with thankfulness."

Colossians 2:6-7

Do you remember when you first found Jesus? You might have felt that you could do anything and would go anywhere He told you to go. You were totally mindful of His sacrifice for you. As time went on, you might have forgotten just how good it feels to be "washed as white as snow". Life might have gotten rocky and you wondered where God was. Life is hard, no doubt about it, but this verse reminds us to live life in Him, doing His will, just as you were when you first accepted Him as your Lord and Savior. Have you ever seen a plant that has been pulled from the soil? It doesn't take long until it droops and beings to die. We are the same way. He cannot build us up or strengthen us if we are no longer "rooted" in Him. Remember that faith grows by believing-believing He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. As my pastor said at church last Sunday, if God has done something before in your life, He can do it again. We will not fear, but have the same faith we had the day before.

I encourage you to be mindful of His blessings and stay overflowing with thankfulness for what He has done in your life. It might be hard to find things to be thankful for, but He will show you. It could be as simple as seeing a full moon, eating a hot chocolate chip cookie, sleeping in a heat filled house while it is cold outside. There is always something to be thankful for and those things come from Him. They are the Heavenly Hershey kisses that say, "I love you!" Cling to those things and give Him all the praise and all the glory.

Wordless Wednesday: My Boys

More to Love

So, I should be fired from blog world and be banished forever from cyberspace. Life has gotten so busy and my pregnant brain is no longer functioning like it should. I start a post and then something happens and when I sit back down to finish, my train of thought is gone. Two Sunday's ago, my pastor reminded us that we make time for what is important to us and I guess in the midst of everything, writing has scooted to the end of the priority list. I apologize for not being consistent. My bible study leader was talking about how important it is for us as Christians in this day and time to make sure we get out God's Word. She said, it doesn't matter how you do it, just find your way to reach the world and DO IT! I kept thinking, my best way is through this blog that I have so severely let go. I should make it more of a priority to write something, even if it is short.

This past week I have been thinking about Valentines Day. It is a holiday that has never really been that big a deal to me. I remember friends of mine getting so depressed over this holiday because it reminded them that they didn't have a special someone to send them a card or flowers. As I've gotten older, I realized that Valentines Day isn't just a day to celebrate our love for one another, but the love that our Heavenly Father so richly lavishes on us. A few of you may remember a post that I wrote last year at this time of year. I have found myself thinking of it again so I decided to go back and re-read it. I wanted to share it in case you missed it. There are some changes, but overall the idea is the same. I hope you enjoy! Have a super blessed Valentine's weekend!

What people are in your life that you consider your "loved one's"? There are probably many obvious people you can think of ~your spouse, your children, your best friend, your pet. What people make you smile? I love to see people smile when I pass them in the grocery store aisle. I love to see the older women in my church reach across generational lines and give me a hug on Sunday mornings. I love it when I see a father hold his child. I love to see someone doing something they are passionate about. I love seeing a man hold open a door for a woman. I love to see a grandparent embracing their grandchild. I love to see an elderly couple holding hands.

What things do you love to smell? I love waking up to the smell of coffee. I love the way a campfire smells in the fall time. I love the way the air smells when my father-in-law cooks his famous hot dogs on the grill. I love the smell of my mother's homemade rolls. I love the smell of Gain laundry detergent. I love the smell of Pizza Hut pizza. I love the way the air smells so fresh right after it rains. I love the smell of a flower garden when its blossoms are all in bloom. I love the way a baby smells right after they take a bath. I love the smell of my husband's Brut aftershave. I love the smell of cookies in the oven.

What kinds of things do you love to do? I love it when I wake up early, feeling refreshed and I can sit in the quiet of my house and read my Bible. I love teaching my children new things and seeing their eyes light up when they start to understand. I love watching my children grow older with my husband. I love walking in the park and watching God's beautiful nature play out before me. I love to write and to go to ladies bible study. I love to bake cookies with my daughter and listen to her tell me all about the things going on in her life that I might have missed. I love holidays when my whole family is home and we can simply enjoy each others company. I love to sit on the couch in my living room and watch the red cardinal perch on my back fence. I love doing pottery and making something out of clay and turning it into something beautiful. I love to take pictures and try to freeze those special moments in time forever. I love to learn something new. I love sitting on the couch and reading my boys a story, only to have them bring me another book when we are finished. I love to watch a rainstorm in the distance. I love to get together with other homeschool moms and share our struggles and what things God is doing in our lives.

What kinds of things do you love to hear? I love to hear my children yell, "Daddy!" everyday when my husband walks in the door from a long day at work. I love to hear my boys "talking" to each other or my daughter teaching them something new. I love listening to the wind blow through the trees. I love to hear the first cry of my newborn baby after a long and hard labor. I love to hear passion in a person's voice. I love to hear my three friends Kim, Victoria and Charisse sing on a Sunday morning. I love to hear my daughter reciting Bible verses in the other room. I love to hear people encouraging one another when they need it most. I love to hear my children laughing and playing with their cousins. I love to hear my son Will say, "Eww too," when I tell him I love him or my son Foster say, "I wanna give you a kiss Mama," right before he goes to bed. I love to hear the ocean waves splash along the beach. I love to wake up to the soft, pitter patter of rain on a day I don't have to go anywhere. I love to answer the phone and hear one of my sisters at the other end. I love to hear my mothers reassuring voice tell me, "You are a good mother, Marion!" I love to hear my husband's soft breathing as he drifts off to sleep and I will never get tired of being told how much he loves me.

What kinds of things do you love to feel? I love to feel the soft, cuddly pj's as I hold my child. I love the way your hair feels so soft right after you wash and dry it. I love the feel of crisp, clean blue jeans. I love the way a hot cup of hot chocolate feels on a cold day. I love the feel of my son's soft skin on my face. I love to feel my husband's warm hand in mine. I love to feel his hand on the small of my back as he guides me into a room. I love the way pajama pants feel after a long day. I love how clean my teeth feel after I brush them. I love how you feel when you finally take that plunge of faith and surrender to the Lord. I love to feel needed and loved. I love to feel like I was able to help someone smile. I love the feel of accomplishment over completing a task.

This is just a small glimpse of so many things that I love about life; to name everything would take all day. There are so many things that we have right at our fingertips to enjoy. So often our minds are focused on what we wish we had or on what someone else has, that we take for granted all the blessings we do have. This Valentines Day, remember love doesn't just come from God-He is love! As you look around at your life, all the ins and out's of it-thank Him for all the loves in your life. Since He is the source of love-all of those things are His gifts to you this Valentines Day! How unworthy I am to be loved so much!

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you

and that your joy may be complete."

John 15:9-11

"Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."
Matthew 22:37-39

Slow Fade

It all started out so simply, but I guess that's how most stories go.

There once was a christian man. He was a deacon and leader in his church. He lead Sunday School every week and always held hands with his wife. He treated his children with the most love and care that other kids wished he was their dad. He looked like he had it all together...

After a long morning working across from his secretary, his eyes kept trailing to her piercing green eyes. He couldn't help but notice the curl of blond hair that kept brushing her neck. He tried to look at the picture of his wife, that was sitting on his desk and to focus only on the task at hand.

Many days later, it only took one brush of the hand to help her out of a chair and he felt the fireworks spark between them. It didn't take long...until he slowly faded away...

She was raised in the church, had a great christian family. She'd become a Christan at a young age and was a leader in her youth group. She started dating his great guy. He made her feel in a way she'd never felt before. It started out so innocently. One day his hand accidentally crept a little farther up her leg than it should. Days later, sitting in the back of his truck, feeling his lips brush her neck, she could feel a tingle up her back that she'd never experienced before. It didn't take long...until she slowly faded away...


He was a sophomore in college and had never had a drink before. His friends convinced him to go to one party on New Year's Eve. "What will one party hurt?" he asked himself. As all of his friends had a beer to bring in the new year, he decided one drink couldn't hurt. It didn't take long...until he slowly faded away...

Weeks after she'd given birth to her third child, she could not shake the extra baby weight. She had gone to the gym, put herself on a strict diet and nothing was working. One week she got sick and lost 8 pounds and she began to think, maybe being sick was the trick to losing weight. After dinner one night she went to the bathroom, stuck her finger down her throat and realized that it didn't matter anymore what she had just eaten. It didn't take long...until she slowly faded away...

He had a nagging pain in his back. The doctor prescribed some really good pain medicine. The stress from work was becoming overwhelming. He started smoking just to take the edge off. When that didn't take away the pain, he started taking one more pain pill and then another and it didn't take long...until he slowly faded away...


After a week of sleeping on the couch because her husband was sick, she realized she kind of liked her space that sleeping in two different rooms gave. As weeks and months went by, she spent more time away while he was at home, she went to the book store and took a pottery class. She worked more and stayed at home less. Days would pass with only a few words between them. It didn't take long...until their marriage slowly faded away...

Alcoholics don't become that way over night. Adulterers don't wake up one day and think, "I think I'll cheat on my wife/husband today." People with eating disorders never start out a diet saying, "I hope I become anorexic." People addicted to drugs don't try to become dependant on something other than themselves. Teenagers don't have sex for the first time, hoping they will get pregnant. Marriages don't dissolve in a day and relationships don't crumble in just one moment. It is all the tiny moments in between leading up to the "big" moment that bring us to that point. It only takes one time for you to talk yourself into doing something or that something is "OK" when normally you wouldn't think so. The next time you'll lower your guard even farther and little by little, before you know it, everything you ever stood for or was ever important to you....has slowly faded away...



Slow Fade by Casting Crowns
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow


It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray


It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day


Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday, the day I share all the things I Most Certainly Did Not Do over the last week! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I was not resentful that I had to spend my three day weekend last week with three sick kids with 102 temperatures, instead of enjoying my husbands time off of work. And I did not feel about two inches tall when he reminded me what a blessing it was that he was off of work to help me.

I did not want to scream and promise that I'd never go back to the pediatricians office. Ever. All this after they prescribed a medicine that has horrible known side effects in children under two-and I was never given a warning before giving it to him, only to have those side effects-effect him and scare me. Half To Death. (see post below for details).

I did not COMPLETELY LOSE IT when my daughter told me at 5 o'clock in the afternoon that the only reason she had just finished her school was because I had made her spend an hour watching the Presidential Inauguration, taking notes and then writing a paragraph. She seemed to have forgotten the two hours she'd wasted that morning doing just a math page. And I was not super surprised at what an amazing job she actually did writing that paragraph.

The next day, I knew I had to change something about the way I was doing things. I was not surprised to see what a difference the rest of my homeschool week was, when we started the day off each morning doing Bible together. I should not have been surprised at the spiritual battles I was facing every day without even realizing it.

I was not the mother who let her two boys open and close the door coming into the orthodontist office or the one letting them play with the water fountain just to pacify them long enough for my daughter to have her retainer checked. And I did not get upset when I left my sons sippy cup at the office, when I was already in a hurry to get home to eat lunch with Wesley, then had to turn around and go back to get it.

When my husband and I went to finally renew our cell phone contract, I was not super proud of myself for getting the free cell phone, versus giving into temptation to buy the phone I wanted, even with him telling me to get the one I wanted. And I did not tell myself over and over, "What is the point of making a budget if you're not going to follow it?"

My husband and I have been watching seasons 1-4 of LOST over the last four months so that we'd be caught up by the premier of season 5. After all that watching, we did not both fall asleep an hour into the two hour long premier! And I did not spend the next afternoon watching what we'd missed on the ABC website!

I did not almost squeal with delight over getting two emails from two different friends from high school who like me, don't have much time to write emails.

I did not take my kids to go play outside just so I could selfishly take pictures of them and then make them come back inside after my camera battery died, for the first time since getting it for Christmas. I'd let them play for over an hour, that was plenty long enough. Maybe? Ya think?

I was not extremely proud of Foster when he came home from speech therapy with three snowmen "It's Mommy, Foster and Will" which he had to say a word for every "Snowball". And I did not get a kick out of him wanting me to take his picture over and over and over again...and then get mad when I took someone else's picture. This coming from the child who will rarely sit still long enough for me to snap any kind of photo.

I did not try to make the most of my husband's night away at a men's conference for our church, by pigging out on junk food and having a girls night with my Randol. I did not want to hug my friend Kim when she invited me over for a play date all day while both our husbands were away. I did not enjoy getting to sit and visit while our kids played and never once had to worry over whether or not my kids would act on their best behavior or try and impress anyone. We did not laugh and share each others motherhood stories and fill each other up with much needed encouragement. And I did not greet Wesley with open arms and enjoy the next hour as he excitedly gave me a recap of his weekend.

I did not wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning, convicted of how much I need to seek His face everyday and quit running on my own agenda and schedule. I was not reminded once again that I am living on His time-not my own and that He has a purpose for every minute that I am on this earth.

I did not begin to ask God what He had up His sleeve when two other mom's told me in one week that they are going to start homeschooling next year. I did not start to seek His will for how I am supposed to help and lead them along the way.

I did not soak up every picture my sister put on Facebook of my precious niece and I did not feel sad at seeing her sweet three month old smile and think of all the things I am missing.

I did not laugh when people came up to me at church saying they didn't realize I was pregnant and that they thought the baby I held in our Christmas production in December was mine...and that I was pregnant. AGAIN! Ahh-what a nightmare!

I did not almost cry when my pastor sang an old hymn acapella last night at the deacon ordination. I was not super proud of seeing Wesley's best friend Seth become ordained and I did not almost cry again (gotta love those pregnancy hormones!) from watching Seth's father bend over and whisper a long prayer in his ear. I did not stay for almost 45 minutes after the service was over (while my kids were in the nursery) just so that I could take pictures. And I did not make a fool of myself in front of our pastor by telling him I love my new Canon 40d so much that I have even dreamt about it! His wife is a professional photographer and was sharing "camera stories", but please-dreams about a camera? What An Idiot! TMI!

It did not make my whole year, when an older friend and mentor came up to me at church on Sunday just to tell me that, "I thought that girl who won Miss America last night must have been pregnant and went to my church because she looks just like you!" I did not almost kiss her!

I did not finally relieve my guilt by bringing dinner to a friend who'd had a baby three months ago and lives right across the street from my house!

And lastly, I did not fall out laughing when my 20 month old crawled up next to me, patted my prego belly and said, "It's a ball!" and then try to look under my shirt for the ball I was hiding. That was quickly followed up by my 3 year old responding, "Silly Will, it's not a ball, it's a baby in mommy's tummy....but Daddy's baby is all gone!"

Stormy Weather?

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him.

Nahum 1:7

Last Thursday morning, I woke up to a very sick and feverish Will. As the days followed, one by one, my other children got sick. There were many times in the middle of the night where I'd rock Will back and forth, waiting for his nose to clear up and to hear his rhythmic breathing that let me know he'd fallen back asleep. I started using this time to pray. The house was quiet, except for an occasional cough from one of the other bedrooms and it was dark in my room except for the small glow of a tiny nightlight. I'd hold my baby boy and pray that he'd feel better and I would thank God that I wasn't sitting at a hospital with a really sick child in my arms. Whenever my kids catch some type of virus, I always think, "It's not cancer or some long term disease, I can handle this!" It's all about perspective!

Monday, we decided to take the kids to see the pediatrician. I am not like a lot of mom's who take their kids to see the doctor at any sign of a runny nose. I usually try and wait things out until I know that good 'ole cough medicine or saline drops aren't helping and then I load up the whole crew and go see what the doc has to say. The doctor prescribed them each an antibiotic and an antihistamine. By the time I left the pharmacy, I'd dropped over $100 bucks in co pays and med's, but I was hopeful that things were going to get better and that my children would be back to their cheerful selves in no time. My husband reminded me, that is priceless and worth any money we had.

After 20 minutes of giving the kids their new medicine, Will went from playing cheerfully with his brother to being ready to pass out from exhaustion, his face became pale and he felt like he had a fever. As I held him in my arms I noticed his breathing was weird. He sounded like he had been running a marathon and was breathing very rapidly. I started to get scared at the sudden change in behavior. After a little while had passed, I felt fear begin to take hold. He had a temp of 102, his breathing would not slow down and he kept moaning, "Mama".

So often as I sit and watch my kids play together or I catch a wink from my husband from across the dinner table, I think, "Does life get any better than this? I am not worthy of the life He has blessed me with." And then I remind myself to soak up every minute because life can change in an instance. It only takes one car wreck, one slippery road, one missed stop sign, one rain storm, one etc...and life as we know it, will forever be altered. I am not trying to be a pessimistic, just remind myself how every moment is precious and not to be taken for granted. I once heard that you are either walking out of a storm, standing, soaking wet in a storm right now or you are about to enter one. It has been a long while since I've had any really stormy weather.

Sitting on that couch, listening to my sons shallow, rapid breathing, I started to wonder, "Was this it, the moment that big, fat raindrops were about to fall?" Tears began to form and trickle down my cheeks as I felt so helpless and afraid. My child was calling my name to help him, but I didn't know how. I began to do the only thing I knew how to do. Pray. God was the only One who could help my child. I realized just how much faith and assurance I had put into a bunch of man-made medication. I had forgotten to trust the One who could really heal him.

After calling the doctor and finding out that a lot of children have that same reaction to the medicine, I still did not feel any better until his breathing returned to normal (6 hours after I'd given him the medicine!) and his fever went down. We decided that was the last time we'd ever give him that medicine!

So often we live our lives putting our faith in things other than God. We place our faith in people, who no matter how much they love us-will always let us down at some point. We put our faith in our jobs and our paychecks and what we can buy, yet no job is 100% secure and all the things we buy, will be left behind once we are gone. We place our faith in technology and science, yet even those can fail us too. Every been typing an important paper, only to have your hard drive crash? What are you putting your trust in today? I so often put my trust in myself; I can do it, I can handle it, I can fix it. Not because I think I'm super special or super human, it's just my nature to "do, do, do" that I often forget until I'm all burned out, to ask for help.

The same God who parted the Red Sea so Moses and the Israelites could walk across on dry ground and the same God who raised Jesus from the dead three days after He was buried-is the same God who loves you and desperately wants you to trust Him with all the tiny details of your life. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow-He WILL NOT FAIL YOU!!!

EVER.

Think about that.

Why are we so stubborn to trust in what we can see, instead of having the faith to trust in the One who made us and who even has power over the oceans and the lightening bolts?

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,

which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,

so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.

Psalm 125:1-2

Not Me Monday

Every week my friend Shannon does Not Me Monday. She's hilarious-you should check it out at http://butterflies-and-daisies.blogspot.com/ It is basically a comedic summary of all the things that you would never do over the past week. She is much funnier and smarter than I, but I thought I'd give it a try.

So..what did I not do again the last seven days...lets see...I did not almost postpone starting school, last Monday, just so I could sleep in another ten minutes. I did not want to jump up and down with excitement when I got to return to my Ladies Bible study after being on break for two months. And I did not tell my friend Victoria, "This is my only break from my children~that's the main reason I'm always early!"

I did not lose my patience when in the five minutes it took me to brush my teeth, I found my 19 month old with a chair pushed up to the washer, pulling soaking wet clothes out and dropping them to the floor. And I did not raise my voice, when I saw that he looked like I had I given him a bath. With His Clothes On. No Not Me!

I did not remind myself "that your body is supposed to get bigger," 4,000 times as I pulled on maternity jeans for the first time only to find-They Actually Fit. I knew the day would come when I could only fit into maternity clothes-I just wasn't prepared when Today IS THAT Day.

I did not go home and want to spank my child after his speech therapist told me he crawled under the table and said, "No!" when she asked him to say a bunch of "P" words. And I did not lose my temper in Sam's when my children pointed to anything and everything saying, "Mama, Mama, buy that!" and then cry when I turned the aisle without it in our cart. Later that night, I did not smile as we ate dinner by candle light because my poor husband had a migraine (the smile was for the candle, NOT the migraine).

I did not want to pitch a fit like a three year old, when my husband had to work all afternoon on Saturday while I tried as best I could, to keep the children quiet. My heart did not melt when my 3 year old brought me a dandelion and then stood there long enough for me to take his picture. Later that night, I did not ask God to "Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies" before taking a big fat bite of my Burger King cheeseburger; then thanked Him for not having to cook dinner.

I did not almost cry when I made our new 2009 Budget and saw that despite cutting back On Everything, not even Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover could get us out of $140,000 worth of school loans, Any Time Soon. And I did not laugh when I saw the look in my daughters eyes when I told her "No more Cheetos's for A Long, Long time!"

I did not almost call De Fax on my husband when him and our boys got riled up in a game that involved hitting each other-As Hard As They Could-all while laughing hysterically the whole time. And I did not scowl as he told me, "Marion, that's how boys play!"

And lastly, on Sunday night while enjoying a great dinner with Wesley's parents at Jason's Deli, Foster had to go potty. Wesley kindly took him. Then He Had To Go Again. My Turn. I did not use my Supersonic vision to see all the germs crawling around on his hands as he held on to the public toilet for dear life, in a effort not to fall in. After standing there for twenty minutes, I did not think of my yummy Chicken Alfredo getting ice cold, as I stood there talking about light fixtures with a three year old. I did not proceed to scrub his little hands until they were almost red to make sure all the germs were gone and I did not want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment as he shouted Across The Whole Restaurant, "DADDY, I WENT POOP!" for all to hear.

And I did not just spend the only time I had to take a nap today, writing this post...

Ahh...I truly love my life and all the blessings children bring! I know a day will come when they are all grown up and I'll miss these days and all the adventures they bring! This was a great reminder to laugh in the midst of my daily struggles. It's all about perspective right?!?

What's in a Name Anyway?

"What's in a name?

That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Lately my husband and I have been discussing baby names. To name a child is no easy task, especially when you and your spouse don't have many names you both like! What a responsibility! You are choosing the word that will become that person's identity forever. It will be the word that will be on a birth certificate, possibly a passport; maybe it will be in the local paper for some great achievement. It will be written in genealogy records for the end of time. More importantly, I pray that they will one day accept Christ as their personal Saviour and that name will be written in the Book of Life for all eternity.

I started thinking of all of God's names. He has so many in the Bible that He gives us to remind us of an event or of a characteristic of Him. In the Bible, people were named something, based off of what the name meant. I often wonder what name He would give me, based off of its meaning. Would my name mean "Giving of Self" or "Selfish"; "Loving" or "Prideful"? When the Lord looks down from the heavens, searching for those whose hearts are fully committed to Him-am I found worthy enough, committed enough for Him to choose my heart to strengthen?( 2 Chronicles 16:9a) I would love for my heavenly name to mean "Strengthened by the Lord" or "The Lord's Servant".

When God looks down from the heavens, He doesn't see your new haircut and your pretty red shirt. He doesn't see a face covered in makeup with glossy lips. He sees you, to the core, no covering it up...and He loves you anyway, despite yourself. I encourage you to take a look inside your heart and see what you find. The best way I know what all is going on in there, is by what comes out in my daily routine. Am I angry or bitter or jealous about something? Am I losing my temper or getting frustrated too easily? Those are the days and the moments I wish He wasn't looking! Those are the times I know I need to stop and pray and get filled with Him, and not myself.

So what is in a name really? I try not to think of the big responsibility or it really is overwhelming. By April, I trust that we'll have at least one boy name and one girl name and hopefully we will still like those names when we meet this little one who likes to kick me every night!