Another Year Begins...

Well, it's that time again. Time to kiss summer goodbye and welcome in a new school year. Usually about this time of year I feel myself getting depressed, feeling guilty, wishing I hadn't wasted away my summer with my daughter. I would think about all the fun things I'd had planned, but never got around to do. I would feel her starting to slip through my fingers as her time with me was less and her time with her peers and her teacher was more.

I am pleased to say I don't feel ANY of those things at all. I feel excited, hopeful and optimistic. Two years ago I felt God calling me to homeschool. I say "calling" because that is exactly what it is. I always said I would NEVER homeschool, that we'd kill each other and that I'd be miserable. Then, the Lord told me different. Everyday Randol would get on that school bus, I knew it was wrong, I knew I was sinning by letting her go. Not that riding a school bus or going to school is a sin, please don't think I am saying that! I knew without a doubt God had called me to homeschool and I kept telling Him "no!" and THAT was a sin. I watched her everyday for a year, climbing into that yellow bus with guilt overwhelming me. It was such a power struggle for me.

Finally, I gave up, raised my white flag and sent in the paperwork I needed so that I could keep her at home with me. It was the biggest weight off my shoulders. I will never forget how I felt that day as I put that letter in the mailbox. It was also a huge step of faith. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was home schooled from 3rd-6th grade, but it is totally different when your the teacher! We ended up having a great school year. It would be a lie to say we didn't have our hard days, but those were few and far between. I was so overly blessed last school year.

When we got pregnant with Will so many people asked if we were going to put Randol back in school. So many asked how I could teach her with such a tiny baby and a toddler. My honest answer was, I have no idea, but I know God will get me through it and He will provide whatever I need. I know that I am in His will and to do anything else would not be right. He's not going to tell you to do something and then leave you hanging. He is the God Who Provides.

The past few weeks I know Satan has been tempting me to place her back in school. How? Through the actions of my child. Sunday afternoon we were at a children's meeting at church. When I went to pick up Randol from the nursery, what started out as something small I told her not to do, turned into this huge, red-in-the-face, yelling, screaming, crying, stomping out of the building whirlwind, in the form of my 8 year old. In that moment I wanted to break down and cry. I asked myself how my child could act so horribly. Hadn't I taught her better? Didn't I discipline her? Was it my fault? Was it something I had done, something I wasn't teaching her? For a brief second I thought, "How am I going to make it through this school year?"

I was luckily surrounded by my close friends who understand what its like to have sporadic children. My very good friend, who has five wonderful-almost-grown-children of her own, stopped me as I was loading the boys into the van and she calmly said, "It's not your fault when your kids act up like that. It is not a reflection of you." Oh how those words were a comfort to my soul. They were just what I needed to hear. Just as I was second guessing myself and beating myself up, the comfort of God came in the form of a woman. I know God gave her those words to tell me.

My husband was getting some much-needed-down-time, playing the famous Axis and Allies war game with my dad when all of this took place. When I walked in the door he could tell from the look on my face something was not right. After I told him what happened and desperately asked him what we were going to do, he engulfed me in his arms and held me like I needed to be held. Such a comfort to know I'm not alone in the decisions of raising our children. I don't know what I would do without him. He gives me comfort and strength and reassures me I am a good mother!

I know God must have something really special in mind for this school year, for Satan to be trying so hard to mess it up! Following God is a moment by moment thing. We must choose him in all the tiny moments of our day. We must choose Him over and over again all day long. I have to keep giving my children to Him. As hard as it is for my mind to comprehend, He loves them more than I do. I have to trust Him and lean on His guidance to show me how He wants me to raise my children. I must continue to trust and have faith that He will meet me in whatever situation I find myself in. How nice it is to know-when my children act like a possessed, crazy person-it's not my fault! I have to keep choosing Him in my parental decision making. If I keep doing that, I know I'll make it through! Like I said before, to do anything less would not be right.

So...in about an hour and a half my household will be fully awake...let the games begin. I will ring in a new school year with joy and anticipation for what God is going to do this year!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
~Proverbs 22:6
(I always forget the "when he's old" part!)