Direction of the Mind

If only I had known then, what I know now.

I wish I could go back and do it over.

I shouldn't have said those things.

Why did I do that?

If only I'd known....

Are you living your life in the past? Are you so busy looking back at past mistakes or regrets that you can't move forward? You keep replaying a situation over and over in your mind. You just can't let it go.

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past..."

Isaiah 43:18a

One day I'll buy that house I've always wanted.

When all my children are grown I'm going to....

Once I get promoted I'll be able to...

As soon as my house sells then we can...

In X amount of years I'm going to retire, then I'll...

Tomorrow I'm going to ....

I can't wait until...

What if....

Or are you so busy looking to the future with expectation that it consumes your thoughts, waiting for that one event that will make your life better and solve all your problems. Maybe you are looking at your future with dread. You worry and anticipate an event that is going to take place in the future and you live with a cloud of dread hanging over you.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"

(Proverbs 16:9)

"Many are the plans in a man's heart,

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

(Proverbs 19:21)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own."

(Matthew 6:34)

Now don't get me wrong, it's OK to look back, as long as you are doing it to remind yourself of something you learned or of where God has brought you from (Romans 15:4). It is also alright to look forward with expectation and excitement. But it's not OK to let either one consume you.

It is so easy to be constantly looking back at yesterday or always anticipating tomorrow, that we forget to count our blessings that God has given us today-in this moment. We can't go back and we certainly don't know what tomorrow will bring, even though we think we can plan it all out. Life is constantly changing. All we have is right now. Make the most of it!

"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.

He seldom reflects on the days of his life,

because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart."

(Ecclesiastes 5:19-20)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."

(Jeremiah 29:11)

Missed Opportunities

It seems like every time I hear our new preacher speak, he shares some bizarre story of a crazy situation he was placed in. The kind of situation that can only be explained by one thing-God put him there for a reason.

Recently he was riding his motorcycle, unloading his cares of the day, not really noticing where he was going, but just driving. After a while he stopped, looked around and had no idea where he was or how to get back home. He went to a fast food restaurant to ask for directions; outside sitting on the playground was a man. He was there all by himself, just hanging out on the playground. Thad felt the Lord telling him to go outside and share the gospel. After careful consideration and a few, "Are you sure Lord? He's going to think I'm nuts!" he went and did what God told him to do.

Another time at his old church in north Georgia, he pulled up to his office early in the morning. It was a still dark outside and there was a teenager sitting outside near the parking lot. This teenager and his buddies had been out drinking all night and his friends had dropped him off on the side of the road as a joke. He had no idea where he was or how to get back home. Thad gave him a ride, and in the process, told him about Jesus.

Many years ago, Thad and his two friends were driving to play music at an event. At 3 am they got a flat tire. They pulled over to the shoulder of the road and took the tire off, propped the car up on the jack and proceeded to change the tire. Well the car shifted forward and they were in no man's land-unable to put the new tire on because the car wasn't high enough off the ground and now with a broken jack that couldn't lift it any higher. They drove the car, with the flat tire a little farther down the road to a gas station. There were two guys sitting in the parking lot in their car; no telling what they were doing at 3 am in a gas station parking lot! After the owner of the store said he couldn't help, Thad and his friends decided to ask the two guys sitting in their car. Luckily the guys had a jack and could help. One of the guys saw Thad's guitar sitting in the trunk and asked if Thad would play him a song. There they are at 3 am, in a gas station parking lot with some men changing a tire, another playing a guitar and singing and two others listening. How bizarre can you get?! After Thad finished singing he told these two guys that God loved them and sent His one and only Son to die for their sins. One of the guys said he had been dating a preacher's daughter and given how bizarre the circumstances were-he could only explain it by saying that God had sent Thad. This young man gave his life to Jesus that cool morning in a gas station parking lot!

It seems that no matter where Thad goes, God places him in a situation to minister to the lost. It makes me think back on bizarre situations I've been in or even just people I've run into throughout my everyday life. Did God put me in that situation for a reason? Did I fail Him or did I obey?

Last week my cupboards were totally bare. I had run out of excuses for going to the store. I asked my mom if she could watch my children because I knew I could not buy all the things I needed and fit my two boys in the cart! After two hours of shopping at Walmart, I was finally in the check out line. I had so much stuff the cashier had to get another cart to put everything in. While I'm loading my stuff onto the belt, the cashier and I small talk. My mind was distracted by the climbing amount of money I am spending as she scans each item. The lady behind me was obviously in a hurry. She's tapping her foot, her arms are crossed and she has a glare in her eyes. (And I'm not exaggerating!) I start to feel frazzled as I rush to unload my cart and let this lady get through. The cashier was just talking away this whole time and I'd throw in a "uh huh" or "Oh really?" as she talked. When my huge pile of stuff was almost totally rang up, the cashier starts telling me about her friend who is pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. She's refusing to get a job, plans on keeping the baby and my cashier was totally frustrated, not knowing what she could do to help her friend. I had a momentary, "OK Lord, what do I say to that? Give me the words please!" But I couldn't hear Him telling me anything to say, maybe I was too distracted or too much of a hurry to let the lady behind me get through, but I left there not telling her anything about God's love. I left there feeling like a failure.

In the upcoming days I would think about my cashier and her friend. I would come up with all these things I wanted to share with her. Things like, I don't know why this has happened, but I do know that all babies-even babies created in sin, are from God. He has a hope and a future for this child. I don't know why people like that get pregnant while other couples who would be great parents, are unable to conceive. My humanly mind cannot comprehend why. But I do know that God does not wish to hurt us or harm us. He has a plan and though it may not seem like it, it is a better way if we would only have the faith to follow Him.

So unlike my pastor, I feel like I missed an opportunity to share with this woman about God's love. The next time I am in Walmart I am going to look for her and tell her how much I have earnestly prayed for her and her friend. And maybe, just maybe God will give me a second chance to say what I should have said the first time. That is the whole reason we are on earth right? To know Him and to make Him known.

Don't miss what opportunities He might put you in today. Nothing happens by mistake. Nothing. Instead of looking at life's inconveniences, look at them as God's opportunities. What will you do for Him today?

PS~I pray my retelling of Thad's stories does them justice and I didn't botch them up too bad. It's hard remembering all the tiny details, but I think you got the main point of them :-)

Memory Verse Monday

Week 4: July 21, 2008

"Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and His understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak."

Isaiah 40:28-29

A Change of Perspective

Last week in my quiet time I got a great idea to write about. I was so excited as my fingers flew across the keys, making my idea come to life.

Only now, I'm stuck. Since then, I have sat here at this computer everyday trying to write the ending. I have the worst case of writers block. I finally incorporated the help of my husband who also loves to write. Since it may be awhile until I complete my other writing piece, I thought instead of waiting until I finished it, I should keep writing to you all!

I want to ask you a simple, yet complex question. What does it take to be a faithful person? You may say it is someone who is loyal, consistent, has integrity or many other attributes. Would people look at your life and say you are faithful? Faithful to your husband, to your family, to your God? What does it mean to have faith? The Bible tells us that faith is "Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1).

In case you were curious, Webster's dictionary says it's "unquestioning belief, in God, religion; complete trust or confidence". It defines faithful as "loyal, accurate; reliable, conscientious". A little different than the Bible's definition, but in many ways the same too.


If you look in the great "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11, God gives us many examples of what it means to be faithful. These people were just ordinary like you or I, yet they proved themselves faithful by living a life pleasing to God. Hebrews 11:6 says that "Without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."


I love to look at the various things God asked of these people. He told Noah to build an ark because rain was coming...but Noah or any other person on earth had never seen rain before. And Noah did all that God told him-even though it didn't make logical sense. That's faith.


God told Abraham to go to the promise land and he went-even though he didn't know where he was going or what would happen when he got there. God told him to sacrifice his only son-the son who God had also promised his inheritance. I don't know many people who would have had the faith to climb that mountain-myself included. Not many people would trust a God who told them to kill their only son. Not many men would have the faith that their God would provide another way. It didn't make logical sense. But Abraham gathered the wood, climbed the mountain and raised the sword. He believed in the promises of God and knew that should Isaac die, God could raise him back to life (Hebrews 11:19). That's faith.


On and on the chapter goes, of God's people stepping out, risking their lives at times, to follow God's will. We know that they were a people of great faith, not by their words, but by their actions. So often God asks us to do the extraordinary, things that may not make logical sense in our minds. He often asks us to make sacrifices for His glory. It is so hard to forget that we can only see today, while God sees the next millennium. Our life is just a blip on the radar, but what we do with this short life could start a ripple that lasts well beyond our years.


The key to living a life of faith rests in the following passage: Hebrews 11:13a;16 says that "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own...Instead they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them".


They never saw all the things God promised, yet their faith never wavered-they were still found faithful when they died. It doesn't mean that God didn't fulfill His promises, He did, it just took longer than their lifetime to complete it. Their lives of faith started that trickling effect that lasted long after they were gone. The only way they could keep the faith was by not looking at their life with an earthly perspective, but looking through the eyes of an eternal perspective. The end of this passage says that God did indeed reward them for their faith.


So now I have to look at my own life, What have I done for eternity lately? What have I done to show that I am faithful? We are not saved by works, but by God's sweet grace. But as James points out, "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." (James 2:26). If you truly believe Him and take Him at His word, faith will come naturally. Oh I pray that it will be said of me, "She was still living by faith when she died." It really puts life in perspective doesn't it?

Memory Verse Monday

Week 3: July 14, 2008

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling

and to present you before His glorious presence

without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Savior

be glory, majesty, power and authority,

through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages,

now and forevermore, Amen."

Jude 1:24-25

Memory Verse Monday

This week, we will be adding to last week's verse. I pray you will be blessed!

Week 2: July 7, 2008

"For the word of God is living and active.

Stronger than any double-edged sword,

it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;

it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.

Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him

to whom we must give account...

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence,

so that we may receive mercy

and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Hebrews 4:12-13;16

Memory Verse Monday

I've really been wanting to memorize more scripture. This is an area of my life that I have struggled with. There are a million excuses in the book that I can use, but when I stop and think about all the things in my life that I have memorized and can quote by heart, it puts all those excuses to shame. I can tell you my ABC's and count way past a million. I can tell you what various traffic signals mean, (a green light means go, a red light means stop). I can tell you most of the capitals of all 50 states and where they are located. I know all 66 books of the Bible in order (though I need to review them from time to time). I could tell you how to make certain recipes. I know where most things are located in the grocery store. I can tell you how many cups of sugar are in a gallon of Koolaid. I can drive to many places in town without needing directions because I have memorized how to get there.


Webster defines the word "memorize" as "to commit to memory". It's that simple. What things can you recall without needing to go to another source? It is amazing to me how the Lord made our minds. It is like there is a small computer right on top of our head at our disposal whenever we need it. So if I can memorize, or "commit to memory" all kinds of birth dates and statistics of my children being born. If I can remember how to drive to the government building downtown or when my doctors visits are or a whole number of things...wouldn't you think I could remember a few scripture verses?

I have been discussing my desire and my need to know His word by heart and I got this great idea. What if I challenged you as well and we could be accountable to each other to memorize just one or two verses a week? It may be intimidating at first, but once you get the hang of it, you'll be amazed at how easy it is. Every Monday I will put up a new verse to memorize that week. If you will commit with me to learn it, email me or post a comment. You can remain anonymous if you'd rather, it doesn't matter to me. Just knowing I'm not alone and that there is someone else out there with an index card, studying the same verse as me, will keep me accountable! If there is a verse that has meant a lot to you or that you feel is important in learning, please share it with me.


James tell us that we are not to "merely listen to the word, and so deceive ourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does." (James 1:22-25)


God promises us that by learning His perfect law (the Bible) that we will be free and when we live out His Holy word, obeying it, we will be blessed. How cool is that? I encourage you to join me in this endeavor! I know it will be a blessing to us both!

Week 1: June 30, 2008

"For the word of God is living and active.

Sharper than any double-edged sword,

it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;

it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Hebrews 4:12

A Whole Year Gone By...

I realized yesterday that this blog has hit a milestone worth mentioning. One year ago, on June 25, 2007, I wrote my first post! My, how life has changed in just one year! I can look at the faces of my children and see the beginnings of those changes.

I had no idea when I first started writing, that so many other people would want to share in this adventure. In the last year, this site has had almost 140 published posts, almost 7,000 unique visitors and almost 11,000 page uploads! I know to some people, those numbers are small, but to me, they are so much more than I ever expected. To God be the glory!

I want to thank you for sharing in this journey with me. Thank you for your encouragement when I've needed it and for your prayers when I really needed them. You are such a blessing to my life and I feel honored that you would take time out of your busy day to come here.

I don't know what will come next, but I do know that I will keep on writing as long as the Lord gives me the words to say. Thank you again for sharing in this adventure of the unknown with me! You are such a blessing!

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ephesians 2:10

Out of the Mouth of Babes!

My mom, Kelsey and I had decided long ago that we wanted to throw my sister, Katie a baby shower before she left for Washington. We know just how much stuff it takes to have a new baby! We had all these ideas of how to make it a nice, yet inexpensive shower. We were going to bake a lot of food so that we wouldn't have to buy alot of stuff. Then, as most of you know, my family got the dreaded stomach bug. I decided that I could still make two Angel food cakes if my mom could bake the rest. On Friday she called me and said that she was starting to feel sick too! I decided that we had to change our plan and change it fast. We had two days until Sunday for the shower!


I called Walmart and found out that it would be close to $25 dollars to buy a cake. Mom and I decided that we could each swing $12.50 and just buy a cake and save ourselves from all those hours in the kitchen. I have bought many cakes from Walmart and I have always been very happy with them. The store closest to my house couldn't make a cake in time so I called another store, that I had never dealt with before. I should have known by the conversation on the phone that it wasn't going to turn out like we had pictured in our minds. Here is how the conversation went:


Me-"I need a cake for a baby shower and I would like it to be white and have pastel flowers on it."


Walmart lady-"A white cake with flowers on it? For a baby shower? Why don't we just do a 'Baby Shower Cake'?"


Me-"What is a 'Baby Shower Cake' exactly?"


WL- "Oh you know, we have those plastic things and we just stick 'em all over the cake. Like a pink stork and things."


Me-"Well, that's a good idea, but I think we really just want a pretty cake with flowers on it."


WL-"Alright then, What color flowers?"


Me-"Pastel colors, like pink, yellow and purple maybe. It's for a little girl, so don't put tons of blue on it, but we don't really want tons of pink either-if that makes any sense! And I'd like to put a bible verse for the writing, if that's ok."


WL-"A bible verse? On a cake?"


Me-"Yeah, it says, 'All good and perfect things come from up above.' James 1:17a"


Wl-"Whoa, that is way too much to write on a cake! What about just 'Congratulations' or 'It's a girl' or something like that?"


Me-"No, that's alright, if it's too much to write, just leave it blank and I can always have yall add something when I come to pick it up."


WL-"Ok, let me get this straight, you want a plain white cake with flowers on it and no writing...for a baby shower?"


Me-"Yep, that's right. A little less traditional I know! Thanks so much!"


So...come Sunday. I am running around my house trying to get dressed to leave. My dad, brother and friend have all come over to play Axis and Allies while all the women are at the baby shower. I'm about to leave when my son has a horrible dirty diaper where I have to change not just the diaper, but also his clothes. I finally make it out the door with all that I am supposed to bring. I'm a little behind schedule and I have to go pick up the cake from Walmart to bring to the church.


I walk up to the counter and tell them my name. I refrained from saying,"I'm the weird lady who wanted the white cake with flowers and no writing, for a baby shower!" The lady behind the counter's face lit up and she said, "Oh that is my favorite cake! I love what you wrote on it!"

I was taken back a little by what she said because as I recalled, it shouldn't have any writing on it! As I walked away carrying the cake, I noticed that it did indeed have words on it-only it was a bit off from what I had originally said. In bright, purple writing it said,"Every Good and Perfect Gift Come From God, For Little Girls."


I repeated it out loud hoping that if I said it enough times that it would sound like proper English. But it wasn't going to happen. So, here I am, in busy Walmart, running late with this ugly cake with hot pink, bright yellow and purple icing all over it and a botched up bible verse that didn't even make a correct sentence on it. I looked in the cake cases, hoping to see another cake I could use instead and all I saw were birthday cakes. I didn't have the heart to make a big fuss after the lady glowingly told me that it was her favorite cake! I called my mom and I was just fuming. Here we are, paid for a cake and I couldn't even put it out because I was so embarrassed to let anyone else see it.


My daughter was with me this whole time. After I got off the phone with my mom and I sat gripping the steering wheel as I drove, in a quiet voice she says, "Mom, I don't understand what is so wrong with the cake-the cake is for a little girl-it's for Katie's little girl. People aren't coming to the shower to eat cake, the are coming to see Katie and give her presents for her little girl."


Out of the mouths of babes comes the truth! I could justify my anger all day long, but in the end, she was right. I realized that I was more upset over people thinking I didn't know my bible verse and that I had messed up something so simple. I was more worried over what people were going to think about me, when this whole shower had nothing to do with me at all-it was all about the celebration of my soon-to-be new niece.

I am so blessed to have a Heavenly Father that will stop me in my tracks and help me see the bigger picture. So often we get all wrapped up in the tiny, meaningless details of life that we forget to keep "the main thing, the main thing"! I challenge you today to look at your life and figure out what your "main thing" is...now go focus on that!

Made Perfect

Last Tuesday, I had all these plans on my calendar for what I was going to do last week. I was going to spend some girl time at my moms with her and my two sisters. I was going to spend some more girl time at the pool with my sister-in-law and her two children. Later in the week she was going to come to the house for our kids to play. I had grocery lists and ideas of going to the library. Nothing important, but I definitely had my week pretty much planned out.


Then I woke up on Tuesday morning. My energy was so drained I had to lay back in bed for 30 minutes after taking a shower. I could barely hold my arm up to blow dry my hair. My husband and my mom/sisters were concerned. Maybe I had mono, or some other illness that required a doctors care. I called Ask-A-Nurse and they told me to seek medical attention. So I gave in and went to the doctor the next day. He told me, he was pretty sure I had a gastrointestinal virus. A gastro what? A virus could make me feel so tired, like I was in the final days of pregnancy? A virus? Are you sure?


That night just after midnight, my daughter woke up and she was sick, sick, sick. And I knew-that doctor did know what he was talking about! As I stood in the bathroom with her, rubbing her back, I started praying. The Lord knows how queasy I get watching someone sick like that. I prayed that I could be a good mama and take good care of her...and I prayed that no one else in my house would get it and that she would get better very soon. I can tell you that He truly showed up for me in that bathroom! All grossness was gone and He gave me the strength I needed, time after time.


But that second part of my prayer, no matter how much I bleached and used Lysol-He chose to say no! Just when we thought we were in the clear, my two boys got that stomach bug. I can tell you, I thanked the Lord repeatedly for my washing machine and bleach cleaner. In the midst of my sick children, and praying for repeated strength, the Lord made me realize something. I have been taking for granted my families good health. I have been making plans without consulting Him and asking Him what He'd like me to do this summer. I felt like Paul when he said, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of satan, to torment me." (2 Corinthians 12:7). Let me tell you- that stomach flu was no joke and it felt like a thorn in my flesh, tormenting me and my family!


I also remembered something else from that passage of scripture. God told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12:8b) He gave me what I needed to make it through. In the end, I even found myself praising Him for this stomach bug-not because I wanted my family sick, but because it was after all just the stomach flu. It wasn't cancer or a brain tumor or so many other life long illnesses. I knew that no matter how bad it got-in a few days, God willing, we'd be back to normal again. The pool would still be there waiting for us, the cousins would still want to play and I could go to my moms anytime.


So often we think our lives are our own to plan out and do whatever we wish. Then something happens and we don't have the strength to make it and reminds us that His strength is made perfect in weakness. Made perfect. Think about that. There have been many times in my life where I've felt the Spirit calling and I'll answer, "But Lord, I'm not strong enough...or I can't sing well enough...or I'm not smart enough..or I'm not_________fill in the blank."


He tells us that it's OK that we aren't all those things, often that is why He calls us. It causes people to not look at me-instead they are looking at the power of God in my life. I am so humbled to think of how He turns my weaknesses into something beautiful, into something perfect!

Sweet Goodbye's and New Beginnings

I've been laying awake in bed writing you this post in my head. I finally decided to just get up and share it with you-I've been thinking that and that I am pretty sure that coffee I drank at my parent's house was not decaf! (Please forgive me if this post is jumbled or doesn't make much sense!)

I know that lately, I have been incognito as far as this blog thing goes. My life has been on hold these past four weeks. My sister Katie returned home from many months in Oklahoma where her hubby, Theo was doing training for the Air Force. I knew my time with her was limited so I made sure to incorporate whatever she was doing, into my weekly plans. I was afraid to commit to anything without checking with her first. You see, she leaves us tomorrow for Washington state for the next four years. Now, I know that we'll see her between now and then, but the chance to spend time with her, won't come around very often!

These past few weeks, some of my favorite moments with my sister wasn't where we were doing anything big or special. It was the times she'd come spend the afternoon at my house, sitting on my couch talking about everything and nothing at all. It was the times she'd just ride in the car, running errands with me and entertaining my boys while I'd run into the store to grab something. All those nights where she'd stay for dinner and we'd cook together. It was all that "normal" living that we were able to share together that I'll miss the most.

I am almost five years older than Katie. I don't remember the moment so many years ago, where I went from being the older sibling to us both being equals, I just know I'm glad it happened that way! The Lord has blessed me with an amazing, close-knit family. Whenever I have told people about her moving so far away, many people have commented, "How are yall going to do that? Your family is so close to each other!" It always makes me smile when the outside world sees what I feel in my heart.

When I found out they were moving to Washington state...and then a few weeks later when they found out they were expecting their first child, I asked the Lord "Why?" Why take her so far away? Why now, when she is about to have a baby? I looked at all the things I was going to miss, instead of all the opportunities they would have by moving there. The Lord reminded me in His soft, calm way, that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8) and most importantly, that He has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us and to also give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). He has a plan for them in Washington, just as He has a plan for me in Georgia. What a sin to want something out of His will! He also reminded me that it is because we are so close, that distance will not change anything. It is because of our love for one another, that we'll be OK.

I think one reason I'm so sad about her leaving, is that I know how hard it is to have children and not be able to share them with the ones you love the most. When I had my first child, I lived very far away from home. I can remember so many things I wanted to share with them, but wasn't able to. Her first steps, her first word, the cute look in her eye when she was about to do something she knew she wasn't supposed to do. I can remember how much it hurt not to be able to share all those tiny moments with them. One year for Christmas, my parents and my brothers and sisters made a cassette tape. They recorded themselves reading various stories. Randol would listen along and turn the page when my mom hit the piano key on the tape! Just letting her listen to their voices made them come alive in a way that photographs cannot do. I can remember being in the living room and hearing that tape play from down the hallway. It made it feel like they were there, in my house with me. At that time, I never thought that one day I'd live within a hop, skip and a jump from not only my own parents, but my husbands parents too. I never thought that one day-it might be my voice on the tape recorder, reading to my little nieces and nephews who are very far away. I am so glad we have things like email, cell phones, web cameras and airplanes. How did all those families do it in the olden days when they would say goodbye forever and ride off in the wagon train across the wild west? I cannot even imagine!

So tomorrow morning, I will head on over to my mom's house and hug Katie's neck for the last time until Christmas. The next time I see her, she will be a mommy-how hard that is to believe! And as I wave to them, as they turn the corner out of sight, I will count my blessings that the Lord has given me such a sister...such a friend.

Will You?

Total darkness.

You-can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face kind of darkness. You fiddle with your hard hat to turn on your head lamp. Suddenly you can see the magnificent stalagmites inside the cave that you have been crawling around in. Your heart starts to slow down as you are no longer crawling around in the unknown, feeling with your hands to find your way. Now you can see.

"In Him was life, and that light was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." (John 1:4-5)

Sitting outside listening to the crickets chirp, the only light you can see is the slight glow from the city. You sip your cold sweet tea and squash a mosquito on your arm. Something catches your eye and you turn your head. There, way across the yard is a small flicker of a lighting bug (or a fire fly, whichever you choose to call them). Before you know it, your yard is full of excitement as you watch these tiny lights dance around.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)

There's a storm and the winds and the rain beat against your house. You can hear the tree in your front yard banging its limbs against your window. It is howling like a ghost. You sit and watch the weather channel and pray that it will stop. Darkness. The power goes out and the only light you have is from the flashes of lightening from outside. Your heart is beating fast and you scrounge around trying to locate your flashlight by feeling in the cabinet. Finally your hand grabs it and you turn it on. Now you can see and it doesn't feel so scary anymore.

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105)

You can't find your shoe. You know you placed it somewhere in your room, but it has since gone missing. You search frantically in your bedroom because you are now late for church and it's your turn to bring breakfast for your Sunday School class. You walk back into your closet to look one more time. You turn the light on and there it is, sitting on your husband's side of the closet. You must have glanced in there a 100 times and didn't see it. Then you realize, you never turned on the light before now and the darkness was hiding it.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light." (1 Peter 2:9)

You're laying on a blanket waiting for the fireworks to start. It's hot, but there is a cool breeze brushing your shoulders. You sip on an ice cold Dr. Pepper and look up at the stars. Your family decided to go across the river, away from the crowds, away from the city lights, to watch. The only light is the twinkling stars up above you. You lay there and watch them come out, one by one. Suddenly you hear a big bang and the stars are joined by red, blue and green fireworks.

"...God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin." (1 John 1:5-7)

You walk outside to your car on an early, fall morning. The breeze blows your hair and wraps itself around you. There are no birds chirping or any other noises besides the tapping of your shoes on the concrete. The only light is the faint glow from the beginning of dawn. The sun starts to peek its head above the horizon and greet the day.

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble." (Proverbs 4:18-19)

Light.

It brings us comfort when it's dark. It makes it possible to see things that we may have missed in the darkness. It becomes our friend when we are afraid of the unknown. It helps us to see in our homes when the sun goes out. It helps us to drive late at night. It brightens up even the darkest night.

Light, without it, we would forever be in darkness. Think of how different the world would be if the sun didn't shine or if there were no stars. Think of how hard it would be to read by your bedside or find your shoes in your closet, if you didn't have it. The Lord knew how important light was, for He made the light in only the first day of creation (Genesis 1:3).

In Revelation 21:22-23 is says, "I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light and the Lamb is its lamp." If you are a child of God, a very small piece of that light lives within YOU! Whether your light is as bright as a huge spot light or as small as a firefly, light is still light and no matter how big or small, it still brightens even the darkest of nights. You can be that light to help others find their way; you can be that light, full of excitement and beauty as the firecracker. You can be the light that helps someone start a new beginning as the sun begins a new day. You can shine your light on the darkness in people's lives and help them to overcome their fears and their worries.

YOU can be that. But will YOU?

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

Be Inspired: Nick Vujicic's Story

Too Much R 'n R

So often we think of summer as a time to take a break. We take a break from school, from studying, and from work to go on vacation. It's a time to forget about the clock and just relax.

In the midst of all this relaxing, I seem to have started slacking on other things in my life; not just the laundry or the dusting, but my Bible study. I find myself staying up later and sleeping in longer. Instead of getting up when its still dark to read my Bible while my house still slumbers, I'd catch a little extra shut eye. My patience was thinning, my temper was just under the surface and I'd ask myself, "What is wrong with me?" I would pray all throughout my day, but I never take the time to listen. It became a one way conversation. I'd ask the Lord for answers, yet never sit still long enough to get it.

Luckily the Lord never gives up on me! I love when the He tells me something over and over again through different avenues in my life. After about the second or third or fourth or... (however long it takes!) I go, "OH! I think He's trying to tell me something! DUH!" and the light bulb goes off. A few days ago, I got it. The Lord has shown me that despite the seasons and the weather changing, there is one thing that should always main constant in my life. (How easy it is to forget the smallest of principles!)

It doesn't matter if its raining or shining outside. It doesn't matter if it's 100 degrees or only 35 degrees outside. It doesn't matter if I have 50 things to do or nothing to do. I should always, always make time to read His word.

Always.

There is no "time off" or "summer break" from our relationship with Christ. So often we make excuses to why we don't do the things we should. I'm tired, I have small children and can't find time, I have to work late, I'm behind on laundry, I need to call so and so back; on and on our excuses go.

In Luke 12:35, 39, 40 it says,"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like men waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him...But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect Him."

We are supposed to live in anticipation and expectation of His glorious return...ALL THE TIME! We are not to be idle, not to be bored or so busy that we forget to take time out for Him. One day all the things of this world will pass away. The pictures you take today will be the only thing left of this moment. Before you know it, summer will be gone.

But He will still be on the throne.

As Beth Moore put it so plainly recently on her blog, "Three months without bible study is two and a half months in the pit!" Don't take a break from your Savior. It's the most important relationship you have.

Remember, He is coming back one day. And He will take His own with Him. Will you be ready or are you so busy "doing" that you've forgotten?

Sweet Summertime

It's summertime. That means long days at the pool, the anticipation of going to the beach and sinking your toes in that cool sand. It's smooth legs and tank tops, Barbeque's and cold lemonade, spending all day with your children who are now out of school. It means ice cream and Popsicle's and staying up late to watch fire flies. It means finally getting to read a book as you sunbathe and add a little color to your skin. It means later bedtimes as the sun keeps us awake a little longer. The smell of freshly cut grass and hearing birds chirping and dogs barking. Summertime means getting to buy colorful flowers and planting them in your garden. It means getting to watch the butterflies and ladybugs up close in your yard. Summertime means fun and relaxation...right?

It can also mean cranky kids who never cease to tell you how bored they are. It means taking them to this summer camp or this church function. It becomes too hot to let your kids outside to play in the yard. It means giving baths every night because they are so sweaty from just walking to get the mail. It means higher gas prices and eating out because its too hot to run your oven. It means over exhausted air conditioners that can't ever seem to make your house cool enough. It means frozen food that is all thawed out by the time you get home from the grocery store. Your time alone is cut short, as your kids wake up earlier and stay awake later. You can't go a day without frizzy hair and feeling sweaty. It means gnats, mosquito's and roaches. 'Nuff said.

How do you look at summer? Life really is all about attitude isn't it? I am amazed at how two different people can look at the same situation with completly different outlooks. As you reflect on this season, always keep your eyes open to how He is tryng to show you Himself. I love how the Lord is constant, yet He's always changing our environment. There has always been a summertime since the beginning of time. And you can probably bet that unless He comes to take us all home with Him-there will be a summertime next year too! I love seeing His creativity in the way the world changes just in my own backyard. He never really gives us a chance to get bored does He?

Embrace these next two months. The pictures you take today will be the only thing left of this moment. Before you know it, school will be starting again and the weather will be getting cooler. The flowers will fade away and the days will become shorter. Seize the day and remember to smile!

The Rollercoaster of Female Emotions

I wanted to apologize to all of those who saw that woman standing at the end of the walkway outside the Children's Church room, with her head down and tears streaming down her face. You saw her and wondered who she was, in the midst of her red face and puffy eyes. You might have said a small prayer for her as you passed her by. You knew she looked familiar, but couldn't quite place her. Then she lifted her head from talking on the phone and saw that...it was me.

Wednesday was rough. No other way to explain it. I spent my WHOLE DAY trying to decide if I could fly out to Massachusetts to go to my grandfathers funeral. I was up, I was down, I was going, I was not going. Oh, my goodness my poor husband! I'd talk to him on the phone and say I definitely wanted to go and then five minutes later I'd be saying I didn't want to go. My children picked up on my vulnerability and cried all day, fighting and complaining and they continued to break me down even more. I was in constant prayer, asking the Lord to give me an answer, to show me if it was His will or not, that I go. Finally at 6:45 pm, sitting in the car in the Publix parking lot, I called to make my reservation.

Within 5 minutes, I had arranged to take myself and my 12 month old son on a 10 hour day to Detroit and then on to New Hampshire. The moment I was off the phone with the Northwest Airlines agent, I knew my answer-it was a mistake. My whole day had been a battle of wills-God's will versus mine. I was trying to figure things out in my own human capacity to where I could go. I got childcare and groceries for when I'd be gone. I had meals set up for their dinners so Wesley wouldn't have to worry about cooking. I had everything set to go, but my heart wasn't in it. I knew that it wasn't God's will for me to go. All day it had been staring me in the face and I failed to see it-because I didn't want too. My eyes filled with tears and started to pour down my face. I called my sister who I was supposed to fly with and I told her I just couldn't do it. I surrendered my will and gave it over to God. I trusted Him with my heart and my pain and I released it all. I quickly called and canceled my flight and felt the burden relieved from my shoulders for the first time all day.

Shortly after this, I had to go pick up my 9 year old from Wednesday night church and my mother called while I was sitting in the parking lot. Suddenly, I was crying again at the sound of her voice on the other end. I told her I couldn't figure out why I was so emotional. She laughed and said, "Your not pregnant are you?" as I smiled in return, I told her I had wondered the same thing! After getting off the phone with her, I saw a few of my close sisters in Christ. These are the kind of women you want to see when you feel your heart exploding inside your chest, and tears are running down your face. I felt like an idiot, but I knew they loved me just the way I was. After getting much needed hugs and being prayed over, I felt much better.

After I made it home (and after I made sure to take a pregnancy test, to which I cried "Hallelujah" then I saw it was negative!) My poor husband was trying to see the logic of it all. He was trying to figure out how I went from saying I wanted to go, to canceling tickets and knowing I definitely wasn't supposed to go. I smiled up at him and reminded him that female emotions have no logic involved at all! Then he looked at me and smiled and said, "Well Marion, you just lost your Grampa two days ago and he was a huge link to your Gramma. No wonder you're so emotional," and it hit me, that's what it was. Grampa always reminded me of Gramma and I could feel her smile when he was in the room. It was as if a part of her was there. Now that part is gone, and I was mourning not just his death, but also her death, all over again.

You never know how you'll feel and what emotions will come your way when you lose someone you love. The Lord has blessed me these past two days with peace of mind. I feel like a whole new person! I was reminded in my bible study this morning that the Lord even knows when a sparrow falls-He definitely knows what is going on in my life! How blessed I am to have a Savior who loves me so much.

My Grampa

One of my last memories of my grandfather was from a month ago. I had finally completed my first writing piece to submit to a publisher and I had brought it over to my moms house for her to proof read. My grandfather was there and he picked it up and started reading. I was suddenly very nervous, I was afraid of what he'd say. I sent up a silent prayer as he read it.

A few minutes later, I looked at him and he was all choked up, a tear in his eye as he handed it back to me. He looked at me with such pride in his eyes and said, "Wow Marion Rowe, you really know your Bible! That is so impressive." Before he left that day, he gave me a hug and kissed me on my forehead like he always did and said, "I'm so proud of you!"

My grandfather, John Howard Foster passed away last night around 10:20pm. My family all gathered together and did what you always do when someone leaves you for the last time-reminisce over old memories. We talked about how he grew up and where he went to college. We talked about stories he had told us from when he served in the Korean war; how he met my Gramma and what adventures he went on. We talked about funny things he'd said and how he touched each of our lives. I am always amazed at how families all gather together after a loved one dies. It's like you want to take every memory you can and share it, in hopes that you'll never forget it. Talking about them keeps them alive in your heart. It makes it feel as though that person will walk in the door at any moment and tell you another story you had never heard before.

Then you go home and try to sleep only to wake up the next morning wondering if it was all a dream or if he is really gone. As my husband left for work this morning there was a chance he may have a trial. I thought, "I should call Grampa and let him know." Grampa was always fascinated with Wesley's work and wanted to know about what different cases he had. He went down to the courtroom last time and got to see Wesley before the judge. Then I realized, I couldn't do that ever again. I didn't realize what a treasure it was, last time that he actually made it to the courthouse to watch.

Isn't that how life is though-you record every "first" that your children do as babies, but we never realize what will be the last. I take life for granted that tomorrow I will wake up and have another chance to do what is right and to make good decisions that will glorify my Lord. But what if I don't? No one is promised tomorrow. I never in a million years would have thought when my grandfather left for his 60th high school reunion, that he would never come home again. I took for granted all those mornings where I would go visit my mom and he was living next door. I am grateful that he always came to see me. He loved to watch my children grow. He would laugh when they would get into something they weren't supposed to. He loved to kiss on them and hold them. I remember asking him when one of my boys was real small, if he wanted to hold him. I didn't think he would since most men don't enjoy holding newborn babies. He looked at me and said, "Well of course I do!" and reached out his arms to cradle this tiny infant.

I will miss his smile and all those kisses on my forehead. I will miss the way he would call me "Rowe" just like he did my Gramma (Gramma and I share the same middle name). I will miss his good cooking, no one could ever cook ribs to perfection like he could. I will miss his jolly laugh that would always carry to the next room. I will miss the way he would get choked up and sentimental over the tiniest thing. I will miss the way he always made sure to buy us a gift for our birthday or for Christmas because he knew Gramma wouldn't have wanted him to forget. I will miss his stories-what adventures he went on! I'll miss hearing him talk about golf and seeing him sit on my aunts front porch and read his pile of news magazines. I'll miss...well, I'll miss alot of things about him. But, I know he loved me and was proud of me and I know that I will carry that with me wherever I go.

So, thank you Grampa for all the love and all the joy you brought to my life. You were such a blessing to me. I'll see you on the other side. I love you, high as the sky and double dooties...xxxooo

Details on the Pictures:

1. 1929, 2 years old

2. 1954, 25 years old, Korean War

3. Venice, Italy 1956, 27 years old

4. December 1959, looking at my mom and her twin sister at 2 months of age

5.Easter 1962, Casper, Wyoming, with my Gramma Nance, my mom, Uncle John and Aunt Marion

6. 2003, this picture will always remain on my mantle. It is the last good picture I have of him and my Gramma together before my Gramma got really sick with cancer. This is just a few of their grandchildren.

Daddy's Here

"Excuse me ma'am, I need you to hold his arms for me." I looked down at my 12 month old son with dread. He was laying on the table, squirming around, red faced with tears rolling down his fat cheeks. I knew-it was that time again-time to get shots. Oh how I dread those doctors visits.

Standing there, holding my sons arms, he looks up at me with fear. Two strangers stood at his feet, needles on the table and one of them says, "OK, here we go!" I lean over my son and whisper soothingly into his ear, "It's OK sweetheart. Mama's here." I say a prayer that it will be done quickly and that the Tylenol I gave him before leaving home would stop some of the pain. I feel his tears on my face and I brush his soft, curly hair with my hand. All of a sudden I thought, "Wow-this must be how God feels when we have to go through something that hurts so bad."
Have you ever gone through something and to put it simply-it just hurt. No way around it. It could have been a broken relationship, a fight with a loved one, or moving to a far away place. It could've been a death, an accident, or an illness. We look up to Him with eyes raised, red faced and tears running down our cheeks. He softly leans over us and whispers in our ear, "It's OK, Daddy's here. Everything is going to be alright."

Do you believe that He does that? One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Zephaniah 3:17. Instead of writing out the whole verse, I want to take it apart, line by line.

"The Lord your God IS WITH YOU!!!"

Right now, wherever you sit or stand, no matter how much chaos is going on around you-He is with you!

"He is mighty to save."

He will save you from whatever is plaguing your mind or troubling your heart.

"He will take great delight in YOU."

What do you delight in? What brings you pleasure? Is it writing, reading a book or watching your favorite TV show? Is it being outside in your garden or climbing a mountain top? Is it trying on clothes at your favorite store? It could be spending time with your family or listening to your little children's precious prayers. What do you delight in? It says right here, in black and white, that the God of the universe- DELIGHTS IN YOU! I must admit, that is too hard for my tiny mind to wrap itself around sometimes!

"He will quiet you with His love."

I LOVE this part! Just as I leaned over and whispered softly in my sons ears, God does the same thing to us. Picture a mother or a father rocking her sweet child back and forth, back and forth, patting them on the back and speaking softly in love. That is what your Heavenly Father wants to do for you. No problem is too big and nothing you can do can separate you from the love of Christ Jesus! NOTHING!!! Crawl up in His lap today and let Him love on you.

"He will rejoice over you with singing."

Back to the vision of a loving parent singing lullaby's to their hurting child. He does that for you too.

I may be getting side tracked, but another type of singing is rejoicing. Can you picture Him singing and jumping up and down because He is so excited over watching you grow in Him and following His will? I challenge you today to do something to make Him jump and down. Something that may be small in your eyes, but to the kingdom of God-it could be HUGE! Reach out to that neighbor, hug your child, pray in front of your children, smile at the grocery store clerk, leave a big tip for your waitress, invite someone to church. Donate clothes to a shelter, bring a meal to a needy family, lift up a prayer, send a card. It may not matter to the world's eyes-but to Him, who is watching and waiting to see if you will obey and trust Him with all the things in your life (big or small), it's not that small an act at all.

Remember, no matter where you are or what is going on, Daddy's here.

PS: The top picture, as I'm sure you guessed, is me and my now 9 year old daughter when she was 4 months old. The second, is me and my middle son who is now 2 1/2. The third picture was taken about a month ago of our youngest son. The last picture, of all the men in my life, I took earlier this week.

A lot Like Me

I'm such a slacker in my blogging lately! To be honest-I have been holding on with a thread to try and get through these last few homeschooling weeks that I have not had much time for anything else. Why is it, the last few weeks of school are so hard? I am happy to say that I finally made it. With the exception of needing to finish writing a Geography final and grading a few papers, I have successfully finished teaching the 3rd grade! This week, my mother is doing our daughter's standardized testing (thanks SO much mom!). That has been a blessing to me, not to have to try and figure out how to do that without getting distracted by her two brothers!

This year was much harder than last year, but I think that is due to having a new baby and two boys who needed me as much as my student needed my attention! I think next year will be much easier. Wesley and I will keep homeschooling until the Lord releases us from the responsibility. For my parents who homeschooled my four siblings and I, the Lord told them to put us back in public school in middle school. I don't know if we'll do that or not. It is truly a year by year basis where we will decide. Sometimes, its a day by day thing where I have visions of sticking my children in the van and driving over to enroll her in the nearest school I find! (Thankfully the Lord always gives me strength in those moments to keep pressing on!) All that being said, I really hope I will have more time and inspiration to write more this summer.

Anyway, let me get to why I logged on to write to you in the first place! I thought I would share with you what happened at church on Sunday. I cannot quit thinking about it and I pray you can be in awe of our Heavenly Father like I was. We had a guest singer/speaker to lead our worship service. He was a member of the 1990's country band, Confederate Railroad. I wasn't amazed so much by that, because in my naivety I didn't really know much about that band. It wasn't until he said that Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney were his opening act that I realized just how famous a guy he was. (Am I showing my young age or what?) Anyway, he shared his testimony of being on the road and living the famous life filled with lots of money, lots of women and later lots of drugs. He had everything the world could offer, but he was absolutely miserable and empty. He told us how God swept him from the depths and saved him.

It wasn't his testimony so much that spoke to me, as much as what happened as a result of it. During the invitation time, many people came down and prayed, one rededicated her life, another said he wanted to be baptized. There was no question that God was at work amongst His people. It came down to the end of the invitation time and the Holy Spirit must have spoken to our pastor. Instead of closing and dismissing everyone to go home, he said that he really felt like there was someone else out there who was hanging on to that pew as hard as he could. He wanted to sing one more verse to give others a chance to come. I was sitting in the middle section of the church and the pastor was directly in front of me. Suddenly I saw him-red faced, tears pouring down his face, coming from the side. I wanted to shout, "Look-there he is, the one you were talking about!" He engulfed our pastor in a bear hug and I could hear his sobs. I lost it, I couldn't hold back my tears. I knew why he came and I knew that he had found what he needed most in all this world. To make this story even sweeter, this wasn't a man who went to church regularly, but God grabbed him while he was there for a short while. It was also Baptism Sunday. This man had come to watch a family member get baptized and that was why he was there. Isn't that such a beautiful picture of His love? He longs for us to come to Him and to reach out to Him and so many times we don't. And when we don't go looking for Him-He's always looking at us, trying to grab our attention.

The last few days I have thought about that man. I don't know his story, where he came from or what he's been through, but I do know that we are a lot alike. I can still remember my own face looking much like his did and my sobs sounding just as loud as his were. I remember the moment my eyes were opened and I saw God's love for me. It didn't matter what I had done or where my sinful life had taken me-He loved me anyway and He was longing to bring me home to where I belonged. I am so grateful that He didn't give up on me like so many people would have. He pursues our hearts and longs for us to make Him our Lord and Savior. He has blessed my life so much.

When I look at the Bible, I don't see perfect people that God used and that Jesus healed. I see murders, adulterers, prostitutes, the greedy, the faithless, the selfish and the stubborn. I see men and women who well...are a lot like me. Thankfully Jesus saved them anyway and God still did amazing things through their lives. He forgave them and just like the Prodigal son's father- He rejoices and grabs us in His arms and loves on us. The angels in heaven rejoice over our tears and our brokenness that brings us closer to God. Never think you have gone too far where He cannot reach you. Never think that a relationship with Him is meant for the perfect people who do no wrong. (For there is no such thing).

You are dearly loved and strongly pursued by the One who gave everything just so you could be together for eternity. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is make perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9, 10b

What a Nightmare

I woke up to the doorbell ringing. I rolled over and glanced at the clock. It was after midnight. Suddenly my eyes widened as I knew without ever answering the door, who was there. My husband got up and said he'd handle it. I got out of bed and started pacing my bedroom floor. I was waiting. I didn't know what for, but I knew something was about to happen and it wasn't going to be good. My two year old son was asleep in the corner of the room. I tried to watch his steady breathing to calm my anxious heart that had suddenly lept into my throat.

The door to my room burst opened. There stood a big man with tanned skin and an evil look in his eye. He grabbed my arm and tried to fling me down the hallway, separating me from my son. I yanked my arm away and picked up my child who had started to wake from his slumber. The man looked at me and said, "Fine, have it your way," and pushed me down the hallway. He shoved me into a room that was only lit by one dim light. My husband was sitting at the end of a long table. He was surrounded by men three times his size. I was surprised to see blood trickling down his mouth and a his left eye, severely swollen. He caught my eye as I walked in the room and I could see the fear in his eyes; not fear for himself, but fear that his wife and child were in danger. You could feel the evil in that place like I had never felt before.

Another man, grabbed my son out of my arms. His small body just dangled there as the large man held my child by just his arm. "Momma," he kept crying over and over again. This giant Goliath looked at me and said, "Who do you call Lord?" I looked him in the eye and said, "Jesus" He took out a shiny, silver revolver and shoved it to my son's temple. My son screamed out in fear. The man looked at me and asked again, "Who do you call Lord?"

I silently prayed,"Must I really choose between You and my child, Father? Is this really happening?" I looked at my precious child, with his big blue eyes and tears running down his sweet cheeks. He looked at my husband and I with confusion-weren't we supposed to protect him from the bad guys? I tried to buy myself more time, but the man yelled, "Who do you call Lord?"

With tears running down my cheeks and my heart pounding I cried out, "Jesus". I never heard the revolver go off, I only saw my child's body go limp and his eyes close. The agony I felt in that moment was too great to put into words. I looked at my husband who had his head bowed, looking at the floor as though he were praying.

Goliath threw my sons body to the corner of the room and came up behind me. He grabbed my neck to steady my head, took out the revolver that just killed my son and looked at my husband. "Who do you call Lord?" I could feel his large hand about to cover my mouth and I screamed out the only words that popped into my head-"Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world...Store up your treasures in heaven where moth and rust cannot destroy." My husband looked me in the eye and in anguish cried out, "Jesus". I heard a small boom in my right ear, but it sounded more like an echo. I saw my husband cry out and reach for me as my body fell. And all I saw was darkness...

Then I woke up.

My heart was pounding and all I could see in my head was that last look on my husband's face. I rolled over and there he was, sound asleep laying next to me. I sat up and thanked the Lord that it was all a dream. Needless to say, going back to sleep after that, was not going to happen. I laid in bed and felt such a burden to pray for the missionaries in the world. They live with things like this actually happening. I remember reading somewhere years ago about a modern day Job. There was a missionary living in a third world country who had seven children. Men came to his house and lined his kids up in a row. They asked the missionary who he worshipped, one by one pointing a gun at each child's temple. Every time he answered Jesus, they killed one of his children. He lost his whole family that day, including his wife. When you read about something like that, its hard not to ask yourself, what would I have done in that situation?

We live in America where we worry about hurting someones feelings and offending people. They live in third world countries where they worry about being killed or losing their families. We worship in large churches and can sing our praises to God anytime we want. They worship in underground caves and in hiding. Their prayers are mere whispers in order for authorities not to overhear and forfeit their lives. The risks don't quite compare do they? I am ashamed of myself when I think of these brave men and women. Here I am, wondering what a sacrifice it will be if I help out with Vacation Bible School or the kids summer program at church, while they are giving not just their time-but their lives.

Last night at church, a friend of mine said she'd been thinking-what if the Bible was still being written today, what stories would go in there from our day? Would there be any stories about faith, here in America? Would you be in there? It really got me thinking. Am I living my life worthy of the cross? Jesus never said following Him would be easy, in fact if you look at the lives of his disciples, most died a gruesome death. But they didn't die in vain.

Paul said to live is Christ, to die is gain, either way you win because you are with Him (Philippians 1:21). If my dream were to have actually happened, I would have woken up in heaven and would have been rejoined with my son-to live is Christ, to die is gain.

What is it you are doing for Christ today? I guarantee you, He has a mission for you-a purpose. So often we get bogged down with the things of this world that we forget that we are supposed to be living for the things in the next world. Set your eyes on what is unseen. There is a reason and a purpose you were born in this lifetime. What is it? Will you accomplish His mission? Will He say, "Well done my good and faithful servant," when you reach those pearly gates? My friend, the sacrifices and risks you take today-will be worth it.

The Painted Lady

I witnessed a miracle last week. It wasn't earth shattering or important to all of society, but to my daughter and I, it was special. Two weeks ago we got a package in the mail labeled, "Open immediately, live butterflies inside!" My sister had gotten Randol a butterfly kit for her birthday. Over the last two weeks, we watched these tiny, black caterpillars double in size everyday. They were quite ugly, little things and they sure didn't look very special or exciting.

Then it happened, one morning we woke up and they were in their cocoon, now all we could do was wait. The outside of their shell slowly turned from a grayish color to bright gold. It looked as though someone had painted gold specks on them. I had never seen anything like it before. It was so pretty.

On Friday, out emerged this beautiful butterfly with bright orange and black spots. When I see it spread its wings and fly, my eyes can't help but widen with amazement. How does this happen? How can something go from being so ugly and wriggling on the ground to having wings and being so beautiful? I sat and looked at those butterflies and I realized-it was alot like like me.

I was ugly and full of sin in my life. Jesus came along and refined me like gold and turned me into a beautiful creature. It was nothing I did, but what He did for me that caused that change. It is a miracle how He changes lives. When we become saved, our transformation is just as profound as those black, fuzzy caterpillars turning into magnificent, beautiful butterflies. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

How comforting those words are! Never forget, you have been redeemed and all of that ugliness from your past is gone. He has made you beautiful, now soar on the wings of His love and be who He wants you to be!

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The homeschool teacher in me has to share a few neat facts that we have learned about the Painted Lady butterfly.

*Her typical lifespan is 2-4 weeks.

*She can lay up to 500 eggs.

*She may travel 1,000 miles in her lifetime.

*She tastes with her feet.

*She has 10,000 eyes.

Our Two Mom's

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! My heart is heavy that I won't be able to see you today. Even though I am a mother and I still get to celebrate with my own children, there is just something special about being with your mom on a day like today.

When I think about my childhood I think about how fun it was. I remember homeschooling and having our big get-togethers where we all got to dress up like cowboys and Indians and dad made a huge bon fire. I remember all those elaborate Halloween costumes you would spend hours making by hand. More importantly, thank you for having the patience enduring my crying and complaining and changing my mind about wearing it. I remember all of our fun vacations in Myrtle Beach with Gramma and Grandpa. I remember those hot softball games you went to and cheered me on. You were my GA leader at church on Wednesday nights and most importantly, you taught me of God's love and led me to Christ as a small child. You've always encouraged me to find a passion and to stick with it, even now, you help me with my writing.

Thank you for loving me with an unconditional love. You truly live out 1 Corinthians 13 in how you love us. Thank you for all the patience and sacrifice you have given us. I know that you will always be there whether I'm having a bad day and just need a hug or whether I'm going into preterm labor and I'm really scared! You always help me keep my perspective of how temporary this stage of my life is. You offer wisdom when I need it and you are always there to support my decisions. I am so grateful that you live only a few miles away. Thank you for all your help with my children. Thank you for unexpected visits to my house when I haven't seen you in a while and for all those long phone conversations we have. You are more than just a mother, you truly are one of my best friends. I never have to worry about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, I know you love me just the way I am. Thank you so much for all you do and for who you are. I couldn't ask for a better example of how a mother should be.

Happy Mothers Day to my mother-in law, Kim. Thank you for loving me and accepting me into your family as your daughter-in-law. Thank you for adoring your grandchildren so much and for being so sweet with them. You always make a point to let them know how much you love them. One of my favorite things about you is your laugh. You have such a sweet and joyful laugh that is so contagious. It makes your eyes light up and you look so beautiful.

Thank you for raising Wesley to be such a Godly man. You taught him how to prioritize and how to keep perspective. You gave him a fun childhood full of memories with cousins and playing outside. You encouraged him in his schooling and in pursuing a law degree. You supported him financially and emotionally through every stage of his life. Thank you for all those bowls of chicken noodle soup when he was sick. Thank you for all your sweat sitting outside at his cross country meets and for all those long summer days at the Windsor Park pool. Thank you for all the time you put into teaching AWANA at church and for instilling in him a love of God's word.

I am so blessed to have found a man like Wesley. Thank you for all your hard work and all your sacrifice. I know that without all that-he wouldn't be the man that I love today. It is because of you that he is, who he is. Thank you!

Get Your Prayer On!

Today is the National Day of Prayer. People from all over the country are coming together either in body or spirit to pray for our government, our military, the media, businesses, our schools, our churches and our families. Please try and pray at 7 am, noon and 7 pm, wherever you are, no matter what you are doing. My family is up and getting ready, right now to go meet at our church. My husband was asked to pray for our government and he is taking our daughter with him.

On Sunday our pastor asked for a commitment for those to come and pray at the church at those times and then to fast during lunch. I stood in that pew as people all around me got out of their seats and went to the front of the church to sign their name on a card saying they'd come. I felt so "left out"-I wanted to be able to go and I can't. I bowed my head and told God how much I wanted to be there, but couldn't because of my two boys. All of a sudden I felt such a peace as the Holy Spirit reminded me that He knows right where I am and He knows my heart. I realized-I don't have to be in body, standing at that flag pole to pray- I could pray at home and it would be ok! God has placed me where I am for such a time as this, and God will honor my heart. What a blessing to know that.

I encourage you to pray today for our nation. I pray that our hearts will be broken and that God will heal our land. What a neat thing to think that as you sit at your desk at lunch time and you send up a prayer-you are whispering those words at the same time as thousands across this great country-all united by the Holy Spirit! Isn't prayer just the neatest thing!

"Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere Him. For He spoke, and it came to be, He commanded,and it stood firm. The Lord foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people He chose for His inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth-He forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do...But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield, In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You."

~Psalms 33:8-15; 18-22