My Little Soldier

I have to admit, lately all I feel is tired. Tired of laundry, tired of changing diapers, tired of cooking dinner and picking up toys. I could keep going, but you catch my drift. Once 8 o'clock hits, I'm tired of being "Mommy". All I want is to sit, in peace and quiet and do what I want to do. It's hard for me to admit this because of how unbelievably selfish it sounds, but if I'm honest, its truly how I've been feeling. This afternoon, an unusual thing happenned-both my boys took naps at the same time. It was actually quiet in my living room. My tiredness was rewarded in such a way that I am not worthy.

Today, the Lord reminded me just how important it is to be a mother. The angels sang and God smiled as my sweet Randol asked Jesus into her heart, on our couch, holding my hands. There were tears in both our eyes as I squashed the urge to cry out in excitement. I knew when I looked in those eyes that this was for real. I knew that one day, no matter what our futures held, I'd see my baby girl in heaven one day. Ahh, blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

I have been praying for her for so long. We have had so many good talks. She asks questions, Wesley and I answer. She's been so close, for so long. I have prayed, I have worried and I have agonized over her salvation. For God to let me be there, holding her hand, looking into her sweet face and sharing in her joy, it was better than I could have ever asked for, better than I deserve. I thank Him so much for such a gift.

This was a huge decision that she must make on her own, with no pressure. As Wesley said today, it is the biggest decision she will ever make in her whole life; bigger than what you want to be when you grow up or who you're going to marry. To follow Christ is a life long decision.

Today God reminded me that it doesn't matter if I did laundry all day and I'm still not finished or that my living room looks like a daycare. It doesn't matter if I'm still in my pajamas from this morning and its after 9 pm. All that does matter, is that I am building soldiers for Christ. Day by day, prayer by prayer, I'll stay the course and I'll keep praying I am the mother I am supposed to be. This is more important than any job, any deadline or any appointment. We can't leave it up to the Sunday School teacher or the preacher to tell our children about Christ. It is our job. We are the constant light our young children see that will either draw them closer to Christ-or farther away from Him. Stay vigilant, stay the course and keep praying for your children. No prayer goes unnoticed or unheard.

I know that this is only the beginning. Randol has a long road ahead of her, but now I know He'll be there to carry her along no matter what comes her way. My body may still feel tired, but my spirit is strong and re-focused on the "main thing" of raising children. Today...my cup runneth over.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
~Deuteronomy 6:5-7

A Tribute To All Mom's!

These both come from different emails other moms sent to me. They encouraged me, made me laugh and I thought every mom out there should see them. I DID NOT write the following piece. I'm not sure who did, but I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

God Bless, Marion

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To My Friend, with Admiration for the Greatness of what you are Building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there!"

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Duh!

Yesterday I wrote about fear (see post below). Last night I sat down to read my Bible Study and do you want to know what one of the last questions in my study guide said?

Underneath our sin is a deep fear. What are you most afraid of?

I didn't know when I started yesterday's post, where it was going to go and I certainly didn't think this weeks chapters in Captivating were going to even touch on fear. I love when God does that. He aligns what I am studying in the Bible, or in Sunday School with something else. Have you ever run across a verse in your quiet time, only to discuss it in worship and then it gets trickled into a book you may be reading or a friend tells it to you to comfort you? That's God. He works like that. Telling us over and over again until we finally get it.

Yesterday the Lord kept bringing a sweet friend of mine to my mind. I thought a lot about her most of the day. I finally asked myself, "Why do I keep thinking about her?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks-"HELLO MARION!!!! You are supposed to be praying for her!" I have no idea what is going on in her life, but I did know, that God wanted me to pray for her.

He speaks to us in so many ways. I am so thankful that He did not give up on me yesterday or any day for that matter! What a pleasure it is to serve Him! So...now I need to go and find out what My Father is trying to teach me about my fears!

Don't Change History!

Have you ever been afraid? I mean gut wrenching afraid. My son has started having night terrors. He goes to sleep only to wake up an hour or so later screaming a blood curling scream, standing in the far corner of his bed holding onto his blanket and stuffed dog for dear life. He is disoriented and doesn't really know what is going on. All he knows and understands is that mommy or daddy are here now and everything is OK. Last night he would not go to bed. Every time we'd put him in bed he would scream and point to the shadows of his room. What could a 23 month old be so scared about? After placing an extra night light at the foot of his bed, I had no choice but to close the door and wish him sweet dreams. He cried for a few minutes and then went right to sleep. (Of course it was after 10pm so I know he was exhausted!)

There are all different kinds of fear. My first fearful memory happened when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was going to have a lemonade stand to try and earn money to buy myself a bike. I had spent the night with a friend and we stayed up all night making every kind of Kool-aid and homemade crafts to try and sell the next day. I'm sure we left her kitchen in a horrible mess! That morning, my friends mother told her she couldn't have a lemonade stand with me and she got in trouble for all the mess we had made.

I was in my parents front yard dragging up a table to the top of the driveway, when I saw a car. My parents live at the bottom of a court so you can see any car that drives by the top of the road. I saw a long Cadillac-ish looking car drive by the top of the court only to slam on its breaks and screech in reverse. It really caught my attention. The man drove down the court and smiled and waved at me. "Oh my first customer!" I thought. He pulled his car around in front of my neighbors bushes so you wouldn't be able to see him from my parents house. He got out of his car, opened the back door, left the engine running and drivers side door opened. He had long brown hair, tight blue jeans and big cowboy boots...he looked like he was tiptoeing in his boots on the road and he kept looking over his shoulder at my neighbors house. All of a sudden I thought,"Wait a minute, he can't know I'm having a lemonade stand. I don't have a sign or anything, all I have is a table." When he was about 2-3 feet away, he reached out to me and my instinct kicked in, I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me. I knew-he wasn't there to get lemonade, he was there to get me! I stood in my parents carport with my heart beating so fast. My dad came outside a minute later and told me how proud he was of me working so hard to get money. Then he looked at my face and he knew, something was wrong. He kept asking me what was wrong and all I could say was, "That man! That man!" and point to the top of the driveway. My dad put his arm around me and walked me up the driveway. The man was hiding in the bushes waiting for me to come back. He heard my dad's voice and jumped in his car and sped off. My dad ran to the top of the driveway and tried to get the license number, but couldn't. We had to call the police and my dad went out looking for his car (my dad is a police officer too). About two weeks later at the local elementary school up the road, a man with the same description and car I gave, had a child in his car and a teacher had to pull the child out of the passenger window! He never "got" anyone to my memory, but he was never caught either.

Its amazing what you remember. I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I can remember what that man looked like and what I felt like, after all these years. I used to have nightmares and dream of what could have happened. I remember the scariest thought to me was, "What if Katie or Jeb would have been out there, what would I have done?" My younger sister and brother were about 2 and 4 years old. They loved to walk up and talk to anybody. What if he would have taken them instead of me? As I grew older into an adult, I had vivid dreams of being abducted and thrown in the back of a trunk. One dream is so vivid it feels like it really happened. It's been a while since I've had one of those, but the fear of being kidnapped has trickled to my children now. I am so careful to not let Randol ride her bike while there are construction workers outside. I don't want her to go in a public bathroom by herself and she's 8! Can I be with her every second of the day? Of course not. That's when I have to tell myself, "Let go and let God. He loves her more than you ever could, Marion. He has her best interests at heart." The fear of that man taking me, was a healthy fear, it quite possibly could have saved my life. It's worrying over something that hasn't even happened yet, that fear, I have to let go of.

Another time that stands out in my mind of when I was truly afraid was when I was 21 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain. I knew I should have gone to the doctor, but refused and told myself it was nothing. The pain subsided, but never really went away. The next day I went on as normal, but by the afternoon I couldn't hide the fact that something was truly wrong. My stomach had started to expand and all of my clothes were tight. I couldn't walk or move. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced (worse than birthing my 3 children!) By the afternoon when I finally agreed to go to the doctor, the nurses asked me, "Oh honey, when is your due date?" because they thought I was there to have a baby because my stomach was so big. They did an ultra sound and saw blood was filling up my belly, but they didn't know why or what was wrong. I was poked and prodded and had so many tests done. They kept saying that they may have to do a hysterectomy.They were trying to warn me that my daughter may be the only child I ever had. Finally in sheer agony, laying in a hospital bed with doctors all around me looking at my chart, I started convulsing to the point I almost fell off the bed from shaking so hard. It was like a scene from ER, only it was real. They ran me down the hall and into surgery immediately, telling my loved ones they had no idea what was wrong or when I'd be out. I can still remember the relief I felt when they told me to breathe in so that I could go to sleep-finally. All afternoon I had been asking for pain medication, but they couldn't give it to me because they needed to know what hurt to help diagnose the problem.

I remember waking up seeing a bright, fuzzy light. For a moment, I thought I'd died and was about to wake up in heaven. There was a nurse beside me and I looked at her and asked, "Can I still have babies?" She kindly smiled and said, "Yes Dear, now go back to sleep." I fell into the deepest sleep knowing my future babies were safe and that I was finally not hurting anymore. I had an ovarian cyst that had burst and it was like a hose, flowing blood into my belly. They took out a liter of blood from my stomach and almost had to give me a blood transfusion to get blood back where it was supposed to be. They told me that if I would have come to the hospital just a few hours later, I would have internally bled to death.

That was a different kind of fear. Fear of never seeing my family again and fear of not being able to have more children. I didn't have nightmares after that episode of fear, but I could not watch ER for about two years without having flashbacks and wondering what had gone on while I was on the operating table.

There are all kinds of fear, fear of losing a loved one, fear of heights, fear of spiders (or roaches!), fear of the unknown; on and on they go. What are you afraid of? Is there anything that haunts your dreams or controls your actions? Often the things we fear, never even happen. Where does that fear come from? Does God make us afraid to climb a tall building or to let our children ride their bikes in the road? No...only the Father of Lies does that. The Bible says,"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7).

Satan uses our fears to control us. Have you ever felt God's calling, but were too afraid to do what He asked? There have a been a few times where I felt God telling me to tell someone something, but the words would not come out of my mouth. What if they reject me or think I'm crazy? What if I make a fool out of myself? And God gently whispers in my ear, "They rejected me and paraded me naked down the side of the street, but I did it all for you. Will you do this small task for me?" Sometimes I do, and sometimes before I get the chance, (from procrastination), the moment is gone and so is the opportunity. Things happen in our lives for a reason. God uses the situations in our lives to further His kingdom. Satan takes these life experiences and makes us dwell on them and live in fear, instead we should offer them up to Him and ask Him what He wishes us to do with them.

Fear. Such a small word, but such a huge impact it can have on our lives. When God gives us a mission, no matter how crazy it sounds, we will not fail. He did not give us the spirit of fear-it states that so clearly in the Bible. Don't let your fears hold you back from being who God wants you to be and from accomplishing His purposes for your life. You will miss out on so many blessings if you listen to Satan's lies. Imagine what would have happened if Noah would have been too afraid to build the ark, or Moses too afraid to free his people? What if he would have run for his life when he saw that burning bush instead of staying and getting the 10 commandments? What if Abraham was too afraid to set out up that mountain with Issac and questioned God to the point of disobeying? What if Mary would have said, "I'm too afraid to be your Son's mother. What will my family think of me if I'm pregnant?" What if the disciples were too afraid to follow Jesus? So many stories, I could go on and on. Just like these courageous men and women didn't let fear control their lives, we must do the same. You could change history if you don't follow through with God's mission for your life. What is God asking you to do for Him? Will you step out in fear...or in faith?

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"
Psalm 56:3-4

Don't Replace-Supplement!

I am a big lover of ladies Bible Study. I love to get a new book and hear it crack as I open it to clean, smooth pages. All the while I know that in a few weeks the pages will be crinkled and paragraph's will be underlined and notes will be in the margins. I love to write what I hope to get out of the study or what is troubling my heart at that moment and then go back after many weeks of study and growing closer to the Lord to see how my heart has been changed. This Sunday, the ladies in my Sunday School class will start our study of Captivating by John and Stasi Elderedge. It is a book my husband got me for Christmas last year. I fell in love with it! About a month or so ago, sitting at Jason's Deli with a few of the women in my SS, the topic of ladies bible study came up. We had done a study last Fall and it really drew our class together. We started discussing how there was a need to do another one. I went home thinking about Captivating and how I'd love to study it again. Later, I brushed it off and thought I didn't have enough time to do something like that right now.


A few weeks ago a close friend of mine called and told me how much she really needed to be in the Word and learning and studying with other believers. She works in the nursery and doesn't have the opportunity to be in a SS class. I could feel the longing in her soul and it grabbed a hold of me. I prayed about it after I got off the phone with her and I knew-it was time. God opened the door and told me to go ahead and start putting it together. After alot of prayer and planning and help from so many other people, we start meeting this Sunday!


While we were at the beach I re-read some of the book and started planning our first meeting. This week I have been talking to a few of the ladies and decided to re-structure how I was going to lead it. I started getting nervous, second guessing myself. Yesterday as I sat down to go over everything one more time I felt such a need to get on my knees and pray for these women and for our study. I stopped what I was doing and knelt beside my couch and let all my doubts and worries over my ability to lead, go. Afterwards I knew-God had something awesome in mind. I prayed that we would accomplish His agenda and His purposes.


I also read another book while we were at the beach, called Uncharted by Angela Hunt. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is a fiction story that has spiritual symbolism that will leave you thinking about it long after you read it. It really makes you step back and take a look at how you are living your life. It reminded me that even if I don't commit a sin, thinking about it is just as bad. It moved me so much that I had Wesley read it. It is a very fast and easy read. He finished it last night and we had a long talk about alot of the spiritual things it talks about. I was happy to find that he enjoyed it just as much as I did.


Anything that you read that brings you closer to the Lord-is a good thing, whether that is a bible study book or a fiction book, but it cannot replace our time in reading the Word. It is so easy (due mainly to limited time), to replace reading the Bible with these types of books. The other night Wesley and I were talking about this and he said, "Those books are good Marion, but in order to have that relationship with Christ, we must read the Word. If there was another way God would have said, "Read the Bible and read this other book." He didn't-He said the Bible is a lamp unto our feet and the light unto our path. It is living and breathing, while those other books are not." I had never thought about it like that before. I have been trying to make more of an effort to dive into the Word and then supplement with these other types of books.

I encourage you to get involved in a bible study-whether you are man or woman. Even if it is with just one other person or buying a "Read the Bible in one year" series. I also found out that Beth Moore has a series that is a 90 day journal, one is about David and a new one is about Jesus. I have heard from others who have done it, that they are awesome! I am asking my husband for that this Christmas! Find something-anything that will get your spiritual wheels turning and that will bring you closer to Christ-but don't replace reading His Word with those other books. So often I will read a bible study book and then open my Bible and the words He gives me coincide with what I just read. I love the way God works like that! So...get out there, find something and dive into His Word all over again. You won't be sorry. He will rock your world!

Reflecting

Vacationing with small children...I don't know if it should still be called a "vacation" its more like "the-same-stress-just-at-the-beach" trip! Don't get me wrong-we had a wonderful time, but all the things you associate with a "vacation" just didn't happen. We are homebodies who would rather not take the chance of having crying kids in a restaurant or store so we avoid those situations. I left the condo four times in ten days-three times to go to the grocery store and one time to take Randol shopping. Sleeping in and catching up on much needed rest-didn't happen! Foster slept in a big bed (versus a crib) and therefore felt it was his duty to wake up the household (and probably those people on the floor below us) between 5 and 6 am! Our "family time" at the beach everyday lasted as long as Will slept in the sling and until Foster had had enough and was ready to go back upstairs (which was usually an hour or two).


Letting go of all those tiny details-so many good things did come out of our trip! Randol got alot of one-on-one time with Wesley and I-something our other children probably won't get on future vacations. Wesley would take her way out in the waves and help her build sand castles, while I was up in the condo with the boys. I would take her to the pool or looking for seashells while Wesley was with the boys napping upstairs. We told her silly stories of when we were kids at the beach. It's amazing how much your children will tell you when you really listen and focus just on them.

My husband and I drew even closer on this trip-NOT because we had a lot of “alone time” actually it’s because of quite the opposite. Wesley even said one afternoon, “What ever happened to us sitting on the beach, holding hands while we watch the waves come in?” I just laughed! We’ll get those days back, but not for a long time! Instead, we were in survival mode, trying to make it through the day amidst sandy hands and lots of baths and cranky kids-together. We were a team, trying to ensure that we all had a good time and that we didn’t lose our minds in the process! I once heard a speaker say that raising small children is all about survival. It is just making it through the day without broken bones or losing your sanity; one day at a time, moment by moment.

I was also blessed to have a little time to myself. I love to ask God when He's going to "show up". I know He is here, all around me, all the time, but I mean one of those "WOW" moments when you know-you are in His presence. It doesn't have to be something big-it can be small. Last year when we were there, I saw three starfish in the water. I was fascinated and I knew-God sent them for me to enjoy.

By the end of our trip I hadn't had a "Wow" moment yet and I was starting to get disappointed. I thought maybe it had come and gone and I'd missed it. I would search the beach for another starfish or sand dollar. I was trying to figure God out and create situations where He'd reach out to me. I was so wrong to do that! The day before we left, Foster woke us up early again. I walked out on the deck and I was blown away by the most beautiful sunrise. It was breathe taking, better than any painting I'd seen. I knew then-He'd saved the best for last. He knew I had been searching for Him; He was waiting to catch me off guard. Seeing that amazing sky made me wonder what it looked like on my Gramma's side of heaven. The Bible says the heavens will declare His glory and boy did they ever!

Going to Myrtle Beach is more than just a vacation spot to me, so many memories of my childhood rest there. My Gramma Nance's brother and his wife own the condo. When I was in elementary school, her brother went to live in Germany because of the military and for many years let my grandparents live there. I dug in the same sand and walked along the same beach my children now run and play in. I grew up having summer romances and going shopping and spending special times with my Gramma. I remember her putting on makeup and smiling at me saying, "One day when I get old, make sure I don't put on too much makeup because I can't see what I'm doing! Promise me you won't let me walk around looking like a clown!" It seems like only yesterday she was painting my fingernails, but in reality she's been gone for two and a half years now. My Grandpa used to cook us ribs and walk along the beach with a metal detector. We'd fight over who got to go with him because he'd let us keep the treasures he found. Going to the beach was more of a reunion than anything else. My moms sister always lived far away because my uncle was in the military. We would drive up to Myrtle Beach and she'd drive down from New York or Michigan with my three cousins and we'd meet there and spend a glorious week together. We would cram twelve or so people in that tiny two bedroom condo! I'm sure we drove my Grandpa crazy, but we didn't notice!

I never imagined then, that I'd get to return one day with my own children and without my Gramma. Time flies so fast. Now my children will have special memories of a place that will always live on in my mind. I can always feel my Gramma's spirit when I'm there. She loved that place so much. If the gate to heaven is made out of only one pearl, I wonder what the beaches look like! I can see her walking along those celestial shores with the wind blowing in her hair and the seagulls flying over her head. I bet her house is built right there along the shore. In moments like this I miss her so much.

Yeah, it was a wonderful trip and a wonderful break. I know Randol will never forget it, neither will I. We are so blessed that my great aunt and uncle let us go. There is no way we'd be able to afford a trip like that right now! The Lord blesses us so much. I will treasure those days in my heart forever. I know without a doubt Wesley and I will look back and laugh again over so many silly things that happened. For instance, our first day at the beach I envisioned Will sleeping under the umbrella and me and Wesley basking in the sun, holding hands, while Randol and Foster played. It was so windy that day, that before we knew it, we are chasing the umbrella down the beach and every time we'd almost get it, the wind would pull it a little further away. It was like playing chase with the wind. When we finally got it back and walked back to the rest of our stuff, the wind got a hold of one of our chairs and we are once again running down the beach chasing a hot pink beach chair! I wish I could've seen us from afar-I bet we looked so funny!

On the car trip home, just before our stopping point to eat lunch, the kids were all asleep. We decided to seize the moment and keep driving-bad idea! Just as soon as we got out of the big city and were in the middle of no where, the boys wake up and start crying and Randol keeps reminding me its past lunchtime and she's hungry. It was mad chaos in a matter of minutes. We were hoping to eat at Arby's, but at that moment-all that mattered was not what we ate, only that we stopped! Wesley looked at me and said, "At the next exit, lets stop no matter what food they have!" We sealed our fate with that statement. As I'm telling the kids we are about to stop, we see the "Food" sign on the highway...yep you guessed it. It said "US Truck stop 24 Hour Buffet"! We both died laughing and told roadkill jokes all the way to the next exit where God blessed our patience and provided an Arby's! Life is ironic like that sometimes! Man am I glad to have someone to share my life with. I cannot imagine taking this journey without my Wesley.

Well, it has taken me all day to write this because of all that is going on! Whew! I'm tired! I hope you enjoy hearing about our trip and I didn't bore you too much! Now...on to the next adventure!

Missing You!

Oh my goodness! I cannot tell you how much I have missed you all! You may not know, but my family was on vacation for ten days in Myrtle Beach, SC. I wrote some posts before we left and emailed them to my sister, Katie and told her how to post for me while I was gone. (Thanks so much Kate!) We just got back Saturday and I went to the computer to check my email and what would you know-my internet was down! I was so crushed! I just got it back about an hour ago. Thank goodness! You don't realize how much you depend on something until it's gone! Anyway...I just wanted to let you know we are back and I will try and post later tonight or tomorrow morning. If you emailed me while I was gone-I will be getting back to you as soon as I can! We had a blast (I'll tell you more soon), but I'm glad to be back!

A Look of Love

“Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
“One thing you lack,” he said “Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the mans face fell. He went away sad, because he knew he had great wealth.”
~Matthew 10:20-22

Jesus knew the man wouldn’t do what he said, but He looked at him and loved him anyway. He wanted the rich man to give up the one thing that was holding him back from having an intimate relationship with Him.

Jesus does that everyday to us. He looks at us with love and knows we will choose our own way, yet He still yearns for a loving relationship with us. What would Jesus tell you to give up? What is it that holds you back from being who God wants you to be? Is it fear or doubt? Maybe it’s no time and too much to do. It could be anger or resentment of something that happened in your past. It could be too much money, like the man in this story. Maybe you’re not ready to give up control, to be the follower and no longer in charge of your life.

Whatever it is-Jesus looks at you and loves you. He longs to be close to you and to have a loving, intimate relationship with you. He doesn’t want to be some “Being up in the sky,” who looks down with anger to judge every small thing you do. He wants to be your loving, caring, Father…if you’ll only let Him.

(I took this from my journal dated April 7, 2003. My issue then was letting go of fear and control of my future. I am so glad I did!)

Suit Up!

WOW, six years ago people were getting up, driving to work, sending their kids on the school bus, going about their normal lives. They had no idea what lay ahead for them, no idea that the whole world was about to change forever.

September 11, 2001.
It’s more of a statement, than a date isn’t it? I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to be in those tall towers, knowing you were never going to get out. I don’t know what it was like to get that phone call from your spouse telling you goodbye. There is so much tragedy in this world, so much evil all around us. It’s a wonder we can stand at all.

We are at war-right now and I’m not talking about the Middle East. Turn around; there he is-the enemy has come into your home, tempting you, your children and your spouse. He is in the airwaves and coming through the TV screen, infiltrating our minds. He tells us, we are not worthy enough-that God could never love a person like you. He makes us lust for what we cannot have, covet our neighbors belongings and makes us so downright busy that we don’t have time to put on our armor or gather our weapons. We are defenseless; Sheep led to the wolves for the slaughter. We are standing in an open battle field with nothing but the clothes on our backs to protect us.

So do you have what you need? If you knew the enemy was coming straight for you and your children, wouldn’t you do what was necessary to protect yourselves? You would make sure you had the right tools, the right weapons, the right training and the right protective gear to keep you safe.

Don’t hesitate; don’t wait…he’s there in your living room as you read this-are you armed and ready for battle?

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
~Ephesians 6:11-12

“Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
~1 Peter 5:8

(Here's a picture I took of our condo where we put out an American Flag to commemorate the day)

Integrity

I once read a quote that said, "Integrity is how you act when no one else is looking". We can put on a show for other people, but not with God. He sees us straight to our core. He knows our intentions, our reasoning's and our motives. I want to leave a lasting impression of His glory so that when others look at me, they don’t see me at all-they see His reflection in me. That's the whole purpose of this life isn't it?

“May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.”
~Psalm 25:21

Food for Thought

A few Sunday’s ago we had a guest pastor come and preach. At the very end of his sermon he told our congregation,

"I leave praying that you will obey God in some area of your life that makes no sense to anyone else and that scares you to death!"

WOW- if that doesn’t get your wheels turnin’ I don’t know what will! I can’t get it out of my mind-what area of my life am I doing that? Obeying without thought or regard for myself, following with no questions asked, having faith as small as a mustard seed to follow and obey my King-no matter what! That’s so tough to do, but boy is it worth it! I’ll have to keep praying that He will show me the way.

Like a Child

Last Wednesday I ran into some adorable first graders. These weren't just your typical kind of first graders. You could tell by first glance that life had already dealt them a tough hand. As I stood there and talked with them, my heart ached for them. I ached that their lives would be more simple, more "normal" (whatever normal means). I wished that they could just worry about playing on the playground and finishing up their homework that night, instead they had more "adult kind" of worries. I'm hungry, will there be something for me to eat when I leave here? Why does my mom cry all the time? Why is my daddy in jail and will I ever see him again? Things no child should ever have on their minds.


I wanted to stay with these children and make sure that the other kids in their AWANA class were nice to them and included them. Most of all, I wanted to shelter them and protect them from life's harshness. I cannot tell you what a physical ache I felt.


As I watched them go into their class and saw their eyes light up at the puppet show that was going on, I realized, that's how God feels about us. He wants us to run to His almighty arms and crawl up into His huge lap and let Him protect us from life's harshness. We tend to complicate things and forget that the God of the universe-loves US! He wants to take care of US! We are called His children! What an amazing God we serve! How unworthy we are, yet He continues to love us anyway.

You Never Know

I had to go to Wal-mart tonight for the second time this week (and its only Tuesday). I'm standing in an incredibly long line in the pharmacy and I can't help but watch people and listen to my surroundings. All around me there are people waiting like me, only they are on cell phones talking to someone to pass the time away. The lady in front of me was talking to her teenage child, asking him if he's made lunches for him and his sister for the morning. She described how to cut up onions and how much mayo to use to make tuna salad. She talked about how much more he's going to have to study this year and how things are going to be different from last year.

The lady behind me was telling her friend about how she had to take care of someone who was sick. She described what medicines she used and how late she was up til and what was on TV at 3 in the morning. She had a very country accent and drawled out her r's. The lady two people in front of me offered her cart for me to put my handful of stuff in so I didn't have to hold it while I wait and try to jiggle Will in the baby sling. I am just standing there, not meaning to be nosy, but when you are a foot away from others, its hard not to over hear!

Its fascinating to me to think of how many people we come into contact with and never really talk too. I have no doubt the lady talking to her son, is at home right now helping her children get ready for another day of school. The lady behind me, is hopefully having a better night now that she got prescription drugs to help her ailing one. I stood there and smiled, made small talk and then went home to my own family.

How many people do we pass in the grocery store? In the restaurant at lunch? Driving in the car on the way home? Or walking down the hallway? What kind of impression is left behind? Is it positive or negative? Did they catch you at a bad time as you're frustrated and yelling at your children? Or did you give a much needed smile to the poor overworked and underpaid cashier?
When you are a christian, you are being watched all the time. The world is watching and waiting to see how and when you're going to mess up. I always try to remember that it only takes one wrong word to throw your whole testimony out the window.

The Lord places us in situations for a reason. I remember the anticipation and excitement I used to feel on the first day of classes when I was in college. I knew without a doubt that there was a reason my class schedule worked out the way it did. It was no mistake that I happened to sit a few rows behind one who would become my dear friend and future sister-in-law. It wasn't a mistake that I had many classes with an older black woman who became my close friend and would later need to find comfort as she lost her granddaughter to a tragic accident. So many situations I could tell you of how God placed people in my path for a specific reason. I try to remember that and to not let Him down during the mundane times of my life. You never know who is watching and what seeds you could plant while you're standing in line at Wal-mart!

"Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else."
~2 Corinthians 9:13

I've Been Swervin'

I have this weird philosophy that a vacation is a cleansing trip. It's a time to go, regenerate, refresh yourself and come back relaxed and ready to tackle this world again. There are certain things I like to do before leaving on vacation, one of them is cleaning my house. I love to come home to a clean house, with clean towels in the bathrooms, toys put away, clean sheets on the beds and an empty dishwasher. I know-I'm weird! This morning I vacuumed everything-ceiling fans, lampshades, baseboards, and on and on. Our long awaited vacation is imminent and I am in my preparation mode! Watch out-here I come!

I have to tell you, I need some good 'ole relaxation time. I need to unwind and let so many things go. Lately, I have been letting so many things get to me. I have been letting certain people get under my skin. I replay conversations over and over in my mind and I get angrier and angrier. I go to sleep and dream about it and then wake up mad! I have to take a step back and think, "What is wrong with me!?" Why have I let others interrupt my peace? Why do I let them control my emotions?

Yesterday I was sitting in the church nursery, rocking my little man and I started to again replay a certain situation and I felt anger and resentment start to fill up my soul. All of a sudden, in an instant, God opened my eyes and I saw it-Spiritual war was all around me and not only was I was being defeated, I was not even fighting. I was letting the enemy attack me right there in God's house. I started to pray fervently, asking Him to forgive me and to take control of my heart again. Satan was hitting me where it hurt most. He wouldn't let me forgive and forget. I knew then that I had been letting him attack me in God's house all along-isn't my body His holy temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)? I saw that God was trying to prepare me for something and Satan knew it too-he was trying his hardest to mess it up. How could I fulfill God's purposes for my life when my heart was not in the right place? All things come back to the condition of the heart (Proverbs 4:23). I also saw another of my many flaws-I hadn't been putting on my armor, I hadn't been reading and studying the Word like I should (Ephesians 6:11). I hadn't talked to God about my feelings-only to my husband, who as much as I love him, can't fill me and change me like God can (and he's not supposed too!).

Sometimes we need to see ourselves for the insignificant people we are, to see how much we need such an almighty God. I am looking forward to regrouping and seeing what God has prepared for me. I need to clean out all my cobwebs and get rid of the dirt I have let the world leave behind. Just like cleaning my house -I need to do the same with my life. I need to shake off all that hinders me from being who God wants me to be. I am reminded that I cannot change other people, only myself. I cannot control what comes out of others mouths-only what comes out of mine. I cannot control a situation, but God can and I have to let go and let Him do it.

"Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet

and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

Keep your foot from evil."

~Proverbs 4:23-27

Let Go!!!

Yesterday I attempted to do something I've never done before -cut a little boys hair! Foster was in desperate need of a haircut. We have only taken him to a Barber shop one time-it was a nightmare. He was kicking and screaming until he couldn't scream anymore (all while sitting in his daddy's lap!) For his second haircut, I took him to my friend Victoria's house. It was amazing! He sat on the stool, watched part of Happy Feet, eating some cereal and barely moved while she cut his hair. I asked Victoria earlier this week if she'd have time to cut his hair again. We are going out of town soon and wanted it done before then. She said she would, for me to call and she'd "work us in". I could see how unbelievably busy she was so I decided, I had three choices-I could wait and see if Victoria had more time next week or (since I didn't think I'd have time to do it next week) he could go to the Barber shop with Wesley on Saturday or I could save myself $12 and the drama and just do it myself.

I decided to go with the last choice. I have to admit-you can definitely tell I cut it :-) but it doesn't look so horrible that I'm going to make him wear a hat when we go anywhere! Wesley keeps saying, "It looks fine Marion-he looks like a little boy!" which in my mind says, "Well, it's not too horrible, but boy can you tell a professional didn't cut it!" And I thought, "What was I thinking? I should have waited for Victoria!" It's...second best.

I got to thinking, isn't that what we settle for when we don't wait for God and go out trying to do it all on our own? We settle for second best, not His best, but the world's best. So many times I get impatient with God. I want it done right now, my way or no way and so I give up on Him and take matters into my own hands. How many blessings have I missed out on by doing that? I can just see Him shaking His head saying, "Here she goes again, if she'd only just wait, she'd see what I am doing!" There's an old poem that I love and that really hits home the whole "Letting Go and Letting God" issue.

It goes like this:

As children bring their broken toys,

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

because He is my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help,

with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back again

and cried, "How can you be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go."

If only it was as simple as getting a haircut! I'm learning, but I'll keep striving to JUST LET IT GO!!!

(Here are a few pic's of before and after Foster's first haircut back in May)

No Longer Divided

Teach me your way, O Lord and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ~ Psalm 86:11

How divided are our hearts? Life gives us so much to handle, so much to process, at times its hard to keep up. I feel at times like my life is divided between wife, teacher, mother, cook, taxi driver, maid, student and on and on I could go. So much to do, so little time. I need to sit and ask the Lord to "teach me His ways" so that I can continue to "walk in His truths".

Our hearts should never be divided. We can be many things to many people, but never all things to all people, only God can be that. We must ask Him to give us an undivided heart. A heart fully devoted to Him and to His agenda-not our own. The circumstances in my life may not change (nor do I really want them too), but my heart can change how I see those circumstances. I can praise my God while washing dishes or changing diapers. I can thank Him for the food He provides for my table and for the kitchen floor I have to mop. Do you live with an ongoing, reverence or fear for Your God? So often I think we ask Him why our lives cannot be different or "if you'd only give me a bigger house or a bigger paycheck..." and on and on our requests go. How often do we ever really stop and thank Him, stop and realize how abundantly blessed we are; stop and stand in awe of our God?

I'm a Little Princess

Last night when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner he said, "Something with cheese!"
...so I suggested Burger King cheeseburgers. I was excited with this arrangement-it meant I didn't have to cook dinner! Whenever I run up the road to Burger King (which isn't that often!) I always take my Foster man with me. He loves to just ride in the car. As long as someone is leaving and he gets to go-he doesn't care what the destination is! This time Randol asked to come along. We were sitting at the window waiting for our food in the drive thru when Randol says, "Do you think they'd let me have one of those crowns?" So, I asked the lady if we could have two crowns, which she smiled and went and got them. Randol put it on her head and said, "Look mommy-I'm your princess and Foster is your prince!" Once Foster saw Randol with her crown on, he put his on. I had to smile at how he looked, with his lopsided crown on his head while he looked out the window sucking his thumb with his blanket!

During and after dinner they played with those crowns. It's amazing how much fun a piece of cardboard can be!

It got me thinking though, don't we all want to be a "Princess for a day"? Don't we want to feel treasured and adored. To have our Prince charming ride his white horse (or run down black Geo Prism) and sweep us off into the sunset (or to Carrabbas for dinner)? Think of every fairy tale you've seen, there is always a damsel in distress and a handsome prince who comes and rescues her. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Maria in Sound of Music, Beauty and the Beast, Marion in Braveheart and on and on I could go. It is a desire ingrained in us we can't get rid of, nor should we want too!
Yall, we are that damsel in distress and Christ rides in on His white horse (which He really will do someday) and rescues us from our sin; from whatever enemy that has us held captive. We are loved, adored, found beautiful and found wanted, all in His eyes. We are His treasured possession (Malachi 3:17). Think about that. The God of the universe, the One who creates precious little babies and paints the sunsets....delights in YOU (Zephaniah 3:17)!!!

Let Him rescue you and sweep you off into the sunset. He wants so much to be your King of Kings, your Lord of Lords. All you have to do is ask...So go have a good day and never forget-YOU ARE A PRINCESS!!!

PS~Can you tell I have been re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge? :-) Good Stuff!!!

Too Much of a Good Thing

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of of rebirth and through renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Christ Jesus our Savior, so that having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life...I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good..."

~Titus 3:4-8

What does that mean to do devote ourselves to doing what is good? Is going to church good? Is volunteering for nursery duty and to teach Sunday School and to go to choir, good? How about how you raise your family or how you handle yourself in the grocery store.

How is your relationship with Christ? Are you too busy DOING to have time for the One who "poured out on us generously" and "saved us because of His mercy"? The world tells us to to DO, DO, DO, but are you just struggling to keep your head above water? If you are....you are DOING too much.

God doesn't want us to live gasping for air, He wants us to live in His shadow, doing good works that HE prepared in advance for us to do...not things we THINK we have to do just because others expects us to. There is a big difference. I think so often we see a need somewhere and think we are the ones who have to fill that need and we never once ask God if He wants us to or not. Maybe He planned for someone one else to do that good thing, but now we robbed them of it just because we figured we could do it.

Someone once told me to "Keep the main thing-the main thing". What is the "main thing" in your life right now? Mine is homeschooling and raising my small children. It won't always be my "main thing", but for right now that's it. To do anything that interferes with that, would be wrong.

Lately my husband and I have been, not arguing I'd say, but maybe disagreeing is a better word. I have a bad habit of trying to "fill those holes" when it seems no one else will. A few "hole filling" occasions have come up and when I ask Wesley's opinion of whether I should volunteer or not he says without hesitation, "No! Absolutely not!" and I get angry. Why? Because I know he's right and it makes me mad! He reminds me over and over what my "main thing is" and reminds me I have a full plate right now before I even step out the door. Now does that mean I can sit and be idle, using my children as an excuse to not do ANYTHING? No...it just means I need to pick and choose what I do and not try to do everything..

My good friend Victoria always reminds me to "get under my husbands umbrella!" What does that mean? God is over all of us, with a huge umbrella, then our husbands are under that, with a smaller umbrella protecting us. We are to follow their lead, their spiritual guidance and direction. They will have a lot more to answer to when they get to heaven. Whenever I am unsure of something, I ask Wesley and I'm learning to let go and to get under my husbands umbrella-under his hedge of protection from this world and often from myself!

I have to remind myself that anything-even volunteering for church things, can be a burden. I must constantly ask Him, Is this a good thing? Satan can so often use church to make us resentful and angry. Just remember, we are saved by grace-not because of anything we have done or are doing. So...keep the main thing, the main thing and learn to live under your husband's umbrella. If you are a husband-make sure you stay under God's umbrella! So next time you are asked to do something-before you jump in and fill that good thing, stop, step back and ask Him-is this what YOU want me to do?

A No-Brainer of a Day

Today, I lost my mind. I think I misplaced it somewhere between 2:30 and 4:30 am. Last night I was up with Randol as she fought off a fever and couldn't sleep. I had to wake up at 6am to take a shower. I have learned that if I don't take one before the boys wake up-it's not going to happen!

My husband does not drink coffee, he drinks tea. So every morning I walk down the hallway in a fog and start my coffee maker and boil some water to make Wesley's tea. Around 3am I decided I was REALLY going to need my coffee in the morning and figured I probably wouldn't have much energy to get the Foldgers out of the fridge so I went ahead and set up the coffee maker. I also got out my tea pot and set it on the stove ready for the morning.


Fast forward 3 hours...My coffee is going and I try and breathe in the aroma in hopes to wake myself up. I keep smelling something burning, but can't figure out what it is. About 5 minutes go by and I start to wonder if maybe something is wrong with the gas on my stove, then I realized...I started the burner with the pot and NO WATER!!! Luckily I realized this before burning down my house!


Now..fast forward to this afternoon. I had to take the boys to get their ears re-checked from their recent ear infections. I'm checking out, paying with my debit card while holding Will on one shoulder and Foster on the other. I threw my card in the diaper bag thinking I needed to get it before it fell out and I lost it. I leave the doctors office, on my way to the bank to pull money out of the ATM. I'm searching through the diaper bag, taking things out, checking and re-checking and I realize-my debit card is not there. It must have fallen out! I try to calm myself and not think of the stranger who could have found it laying in the parking lot with visions of money in their heads. I call the pediatrics and get my friend Becca who works there, to go look for me. After about 10 minutes she returns not finding the card. I'm just about to call my husband and tell him what a mess I made when I decide to recheck my back pocket...and what would you know... it was there the whole time! I guess I must have missed it somehow.


My mother always says that if she gets diagnosed with Alzheimer's to make sure we tell the doctors it started in her twenties...what can I say, I am my mothers daughter!


I wish I had some spiritual insight as to my mishaps. Something about how God loves us even when make stupid mistakes (which He does, thank goodness!), but I'm tired, the Braves are in the 12th inning and its 11pm. I'm all out of wisdom at the moment, I'll try again in the morning! Good-night yall..I'm going to bed!

Gettin' Our Praise On!

Last night was a "Guys night". The men in our SS class met for dinner while us wives, managed at home with the children. After eating a wonderful meal of leftover chicken and rice casserole (wonderful b/c I didn't have to cook it!) and giving baths, I walked in the living room and what would you know, one of my favorite songs was playing on the radio. I turned it up real loud and about two seconds later it was over. I had caught the very end of it. I hate when that happens!

I unfortunately don't have the song on a CD or else I would've popped it in. I went on a mission. I went to Google and thought maybe someone would have a posting of it. I typed in "I'll Fly Away"-yes the old gospel, country song, that's the one. I love the new one on the radio it's a contemporary, hip version. I finally found a video from a church where a man played it on the violin and it was accompanied with piano and drums. There were no words and since Randol and I aren't too confident after the second stanza, I looked up the words.
I had Foster in my lap and I turned that music up so loud and Randol and I sang at the top of our voices and Foster clapped and swayed along with us. Randol said, "That's the song you want us to sing at your funeral right mommy?" She has heard me tell my husband that many times. Sounds morbid I know, but it's true! A few months ago our music minister, Justin played that song with a violin and it was infectious. You could feel it go through your whole body, the rejoicing, the happiness of being in heaven with our Heavenly Father. And I told Wesley, "One day in about 60 years hopefully, I want someone to play that song at my funeral, the upbeat version!"

I was reminded last night of one of Beth Moore's posts. She talked about singing her praise and dancing with her grandson. How happy it makes the Lord when we praise Him! I know that last night He had a smile on His face!

We so often associate death with sadness or fear, but that song reminds me of the joy in death. The joy in leaving this life behind and living with "no shackles on my feet", no weariness in my body, and "where joy will never end". Is there really such a place? If only we could always have that eternal perspective, that eternal promise, things in this life would be so much more bearable.

I once heard someone say that to a christian, earth is as close as we will ever get to hell and to a non-christian, earth is the closest they will ever get to heaven. Heaven on earth? Yall, there is just no such thing! We may have our "heavenly moments" I call them, but they are fleeting and do not last. We have to hold on to that promise that we will live in paradise and walk along those streets of gold and actually see those huge pearly gates that are made out of only ONE pearl! And even better, we will get to bask in the glow of the real Son, the Light that will never fade.

Keep your eyes straight ahead, focused on the One true leader. Don't look beside you or behind you, keep your eyes on Him and He will lead you out of whatever pit you are in. He longs to "gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing."(Matthew 23:37). Oh my dear friend- BE WILLING!!! He has set eternity in our hearts (Ecc.3:11) now go live your life knowing that one day, you will fly away to "God's celestial shores..."
Ahhh...some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away...

A Soul Bath

I sit here with an open page, drinking my coffee in the stillness of my living room listening to Chris Tomlin's version of Stand Amazed and How Marvelous. Ahhh, if only I could have more moments like this!

This song reminds me of how good it feels to be cleaned-soul cleaned. On Saturday my son, Foster kept trying to get me to go down the hallway. I couldn't understand why. Finally I figured out he wanted to go in the bathroom (which was locked so he couldn't get in!). He walked into the bathroom and started trying to climb into the tub with his clothes on. I realized-he wants to take a bath, in the middle of the afternoon! My husband-who is a bigger sucker than I am :-) undressed him and put him in the tub where he played gloriously for an hour and a half! Who knew!

Friday night we caught Randol doing something forbidden in our house-sucking her thumb (she's 8 and we have now invested $350 to her mouth to fix 8 years of sucking her thumb). Her punishment was to do yard work outside on a Saturday morning instead of watching cartoons and playing in her room. It took her 3 hours and she was COVERED in dirt-head to toe. I don't think she has EVER been that dirty in her whole 8 years!

As I helped her take a shower and wash all that dirt away, I was amazed at how different she looked when she was clean. It made me think of how different we look when we have a good long, forgiveness party. When we wash away all the sin that hinders us from being who the Lord wants us to be. How good that feels, how different we look to other people! How many times I have pictured the blood of the Lamb washing over me forgiving all the stupid things I have done in my life. How often I have wanted to climb up into the bathtub of forgiveness, throwing off all that drags me down to who I'm not supposed to be.

A friend of mine has been struggling with who she WAS before she was redeemed by the blood of Christ. How often Satan makes us look back, makes us feel guilt for years and years to come after we have been forgiven. Christ said our sins are scattered as far as the east is from the west. Do you know how far that is? If you got in your car and drove east, you would go all the way around the globe and NEVER meet west...EVER. Once forgiven our sins are GONE. That's not to say we don't have repercussions from the things we've done, but the sin itself is gone. It is covered in His great love....it is FORGOTTEN!!!

The next time you start thinking about the past or of some regret, remember, you are redeemed, you are clean, and you have been saved by grace and HE LOVES YOU!!!...even when we don't love ourselves.

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."
~Ephesians 1:7-8

(I love that word "lavished"! It really hits home how much He loves me. He lavished, smothered, poured out His love and grace on me. What an amazing God we serve!)

Sweet Jessica

Here is a picture of 4 year old Jessica. She's playing on heavens playground, basking in the Light of His glory as her sunshine.

He said to them,"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not recieve the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them."

~Mark 10:14-15

Preparation

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you Jessica died sometime yesterday afternoon. Please keep her family in your prayers. They just lost their baby girl.

My friend, Victoria who originally asked me to pray for Jessica, went to the Beth Moore conference in Atlanta last weekend. When I first heard she was going I was so excited (and a little jealous:-) Little did we know then what God was preparing her for. She received the tickets as a gift and her and her daughter went. At the end of a Beth Moore event she gives a commissioning. You hold hands with one close to you and look each other in the eye and repeat the words. I read the Beth Moore blog on a regular basis. I especially was checking it after the ATL conference to see what Beth would say about it. A few days ago she posted the ATL Commissioning.

Yall, when I read the words it was SO clear to see how God was preparing her for what was to come. We had no idea, she had no idea, but God did. I couldn't wait to tell her. I love to see His hand at work before tragedy even strikes. It reminds me that God is in control and that NOTHING-even something like this-happens by accident.

Atlanta Commissioning
My Dear Sister,
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Has His hand on you.
Don't trade what He has for you
For the comforts of this world.
Let the love of Christ compel you
And infuse you with courage.
God, even God, who created the heavens
Is the One who comforts you.
Whatever you do, Don't refuse it!
His grace will guard you from bitterness
And Christ will turn your pain
Into Holy Passion.
Pour your life lavishly into others.
Humble yourself and share your hardships
That others may also share your comfort.
Live till you die!
Then live like there's no tomorrow!
For the King enthroned in
Heaven Is worthy of your all.
Now, go, Girl!
For the Father of Mercies
And the God of all comfort
Goes with you.
Bless be God
And bless be you!

Please Pray

Every once in a while there is a story that you hear about that gets under your skin and into your heart. Earlier this week a dear friend of mine sent me an email asking me to pray for her neighbor. Here is the story:

Lori was doing their nightly ritual of washing her 4 year old's hair in the bathroom. Her daughter Jessica likes to lather up the soap real good on top of her hair. Lori hears her 18 month old son, Tommy in the other room. Jessica was scrubbing her hair as Lori stepped out the door to the living room, just out the door, to check on him. When she stepped back in, about 30sec. later Jess was under the water. She grabbed her up and ran to the living room to find the phone and dialed 911 and immediately started CPR. The paramedics arrived and took over, they were able to get a pulse. They were unsure as to how long she went without oxygen. They rushed her to the medical center where they had her on a ventilator, although she was breathing on her own. They later medivaced her to Scottish rite hospital in Atlanta. This morning they found out from further testing that she is brain dead. Now the family has to make decisions of what to do.

Can you imagine such hopelessness of going through such a situation without the hope of our Lord and Savior? I have a book called "America Looking Up" by Max Lucado. It is a small book, but it is HUGE in knowledge and comfort. Whenever I hear of a horrible situation or I am struggling to bring comfort to someone in what looks like a hopeless situation, I read through it. Here is something that jumped out at me:

"When all that is good falls apart, what can good people do?
The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord sits on his throne in heaven."
~ Psalm 11:3-4
David answers his question not with an answer, but with a declaration. God is unaltered by our storms. He is undeterred by our problems. He is in his holy temple. He is still on his throne in heaven. God can turn tragedy into triumph.

Only He can bring healing in a situation like this. Please be in prayer that the God of comfort and healing will heal these broken hearts. What a horrible situation-but God is still in control, He is still on His throne and He wasn't surprised by what happened.

Here are the families names:
Tom and Lori Marstins, Parents
Jessica and Tommy the Children,
Karen and Lance Grandparents
Tom's parent live up north and I don't know their names
Also a brother and sister of Lori's

Thank you and God Bless, Marion

Snugglin' with my Savior

Last night I had the privilege of watching my friend Shannon's three year old son Eli. Shannon's grandfather passed away and they needed someone to watch Eli and sit at her mothers house while they were at the funeral home. When I got there, Eli was running around the house pushing a toy and being a boy. Once everyone left it seemed eerily quiet. It feels weird sitting in someone else's house while they aren't there!

Within minutes of everyone leaving, Eli came and sat next to me on the love seat and gently put his hand on my arm. We sat and watched Cars on the TV for a few minutes and he snuggled up next to me. Baby Will was also in my lap and Eli would stretch his arms across and give Will a hug. Will sat there and smiled up at him. I asked Eli about how school went that day and he told me all about playing with a ball and how he took a nap that afternoon. (Later when I told Shannon, she was surprised because all afternoon people had been asking how his first day of school went and he wouldn't tell anybody anything.)

As we sat there watching the movie, my heart was so touched...I felt, special. He chose me and felt comfortable enough to crawl up next to me and tell me about his day. It is such a special thing to be loved by a child. I know that children don't do that with just anyone. It is a privilege when they "choose" you. I realized that I had never sat with just Eli and I. Usually him and Foster and Randol are running around the house or playing outside together. Children are so precious and so sweet and all that is good in this world is wrapped up in their little smiles.

As I sat there feeling so treasured, I wondered if that's how God feels when we take time out of our day to "snuggle" with Him. The world runs us ragged and we go 90 miles an hour just trying to keep up. I know He's standing there waiting for us to just stop and crawl into His everlasting arms.

As I sat there with the two boys, I remembered my prayer on my way over to the house. In addition to praying for my friends family as they went through this time, I also prayed for peace. When I left my house it was so chaotic. I had just finished cooking a gourmet meal of macaroni and cheese for Wesley and the kids to eat. Wesley had just walked in the door from a very stressful day at work. Randol's friend from up the street was over and I had told her it was time to go home. Randol was wanting to ride her bike up to her house, but I wouldn't let her because then Wesley wouldn't know where she was. Foster was screaming, pitching a fit because he knew I was leaving and I wasn't putting on his shoes to bring him with me. It was crazy. I felt guilty driving away in my quiet van as I realized what a sacrifice this was for Wesley. I prayed God would bless him while I was gone. As I sat there with Eli snuggled up to me I knew, I had been so blessed. I only hoped that he had too.

If only we could be like the little children who wanted nothing more than to crawl into Jesus lap and listen to His stories; to be able to let everything go and to simply trust Him with our lives. How simple life would be. There would be no burden to carry around because it would be on the Fathers shoulders-not ours. We'd know, He was going to take care of it and He has our best interests at heart. Oh, to sit in the lap of my Savior. Is there any sweeter place to be?

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!..."
~ 1 John 3:1

Sacrifice

Wow, what a great Sunday! I love sitting in Sunday School or church and hearing a new message, a small breath of fresh air on my soul. It is so important to be filled again and not to just keep giving and giving, you'll only dry up eventually. God wants so much to pour out His spirit into us so that we can pour it out onto others. Without being filled with that Spirit, our well runs dry.

This morning we talked about sacrifice. In Malachi, God was angry at the priests for accepting lame, blind and crippled animals for sacrifices. He deserves our best, not our leftovers. How do we live our lives? Do others see Him in us or are we all dried up with nothing left to be poured out? Are we resentful of the sacrifices we are making? God doesn't want your sacrifice if you are.

When Wesley and I were first married our one constant, circular argument was about tithing. He believed you tithed before taxes, I believed after taxes. I went so far as to bring it up in Sunday school one day to see what others thought (hoping to get some leverage in my argument). Lots of people agreed with me, but he didn't care. Nothing would change his mind. Every two weeks when I would write that check I was so resentful. I knew I was supposed to tithe, but couldn't we do it after we paid off all of Wesley's school loans in thirty years? My attitude was bitterness. I saw it as our money-not God's.

One day when I was sitting at my kitchen table writing out that check and God said, "You can keep it Marion, I don't want your money." I was angry. Didn't He know how much we needed that money? Didn't He know what a huge sacrifice that was for us? And I realized-yeah He did know, that's why He was so upset with me. I wasn't willing to sacrifice for Him. I wasn't willing to give back to Him what He had given us. I saw our income as just that-Ours. Now I know that every penny we make is God's money. It is up to us to find out how He wants us to spend it. I was also reminded that Wesley was the head of our household. His decision to tithe before taxes was based on scripture, mine was based on opinion. I am so blessed to have a Godly man lead me in my areas of weakness.

My how time has changed my heart! Now tithing is a privilege. I no longer see it as something we have to do, but rather something I want to do. I want to please my King, I want to do what He commands. I am so glad He stopped me that day and showed me how my heart was more important than my money. On the outside no one would know if I was bitter with my sacrifice-but He did. He knows the condition of the heart.

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise-the fruit of lips that confess His name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."
~Hebrews 13:15-16

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
~1 Samuel 16:7

Our 2 am Guest

Knock, knock, knock...
Wesley sits up and says Randol's at our bedroom door.
I get up thinking she had a bad dream, rub my eyes, glancing at the clock which reads 2:14am and tell him to go back to bed, I'd get it.

I open my door and there's Randol, wide-eyed and she says, "Mommy there's a roach in my bedroom. I can hear it and I can't sleep anymore!"

A ROACH? In MY house? At 2:14 in the morning?
....This was not my idea of fun....Why did I tell Wesley I'd get up again?
We turn on her light, look around and there it is...along the wall of her princess tent, staring at me.

We started to plan strategy, Randol's suggestion was to bump the side of the tent and when it crawls, trap it in a cup.
My strategy...get the Raid spray and not touch it or cause ANYTHING that will cause it to move.

In the midsts to talking hunting strategies,we also talked about other things. She told me all about the dream she'd just had and about how when she fell off her bike her, "leg felt like it was broken, even though I've never had a broken leg before so I guess I really don't know what it feels like!" We laughed and enjoyed our time together, buying our time to get the Raid and be done with the whole roach mess.


The whole time we talked, I sat in Randol's doorway where through the window of the tent I could see the roach and make sure it didn't go anywhere.
I finally went, got the Raid and sprayed it and it died an very undramatic death.

Then, what would you know...I started hearing scratching sounds on the OUTSIDE of the tent...another one?
No way, NEVER in all my life of killing roaches has there EVER been more than one in my house at a time (that I knew about!). Usually there was a good 2-4 months between roach sightings. Wasn't there a law somewhere that said they can only enter houses one at a time?

I go investigate, sure enough, my fears were realized. This one wasn't inside the tent, it was outside it, free to move where ever and whenever it pleased. I hear crying in my bedroom...Will's up...my son reminding me I can get reinforcements this time....Wesley! He can kill the roach...why didn't I think about this strategy earlier? I go get him, take the crying baby, trying to hush him before he wakes up his brother.

There we all are, at o'dark thirty, standing in my daughters room with the light on, going roach hunting on a Friday night. I tell you, I haven't had this much excitement in years!

Wesley takes cares of the situation in a matter of minutes and Randol says, "Roaches sure are fast, but thank goodness Daddy is faster!"

After all the excitement, I got to sit, flipping channels and feeding Will, by this time its after 3 o'clock. I sat there with nothing to watch but paid programming of people exercising on the beach so I let my mind wander.


Why on earth did God create roaches? Or ants or gnats or snakes for that matter? What is there purpose here on earth. There has to be one, He didn't create them by mistake or by accident. I wonder what Adam thought about these creatures compared to beautiful horses or roaring lions and bears as he got to name them all. Where did Noah keep two gnats on an ark? You know he must have asked God, "Can't we just leave these? We don't really need two roaches do we?" OK...maybe that's what I would've asked!


As tired as I am from last nights experience, I am so grateful for it. I know in the end, we created a fun memory. I don't think Randol will ever forget the fun time we had in the middle of the night. I know I won't!


PS~ The only reason I am sharing this funny story is because I know most of you have been to my house and you know I don't live in a mansion by any means...but I sure don't live in a roach infested shack either! I thought you could use a good laugh, I know I could!

Today's mission: To take down the tent and to make sure there is no food in Randol's room or anything to attract anymore unwanted 2 am guests!