Stop and Smell The Roses

I took a small walk down memory lane today. It amazes me how small, little things can bring back such fresh memories. Yesterday we started putting up our Christmas tree. Today we finished by putting the lights and ornaments on the tree. My little walk started when I opened the ornament boxes. My family has this weird tradition of saving things that to any other person would appear to be trash, but to us-is small treasures. It is a running joke in my family that when you have something that you don't know what to do with, but you don't want to throw it away you-put it on your Christmas tree! We say it jokingly, but we all know we really mean it!

Now, I'll admit, a lot of this stuff doesn't actually make it on the tree, but there it is waiting in the ornament box! There was the ticket stub from Wesley and I's first "official date". There's the ring box that my engagement ring came in, the small card from when he sent me flowers for Valentines Day only to have them arrive three days later, but moments after my Gramma passed away (it was no coincidence, that was divine intervention :-) There is the whistle from Wesley's life guarding days, his ID card from when he took his Bar Exam. There are petals from his Grandma's casket when she died and then from a much happier event-my wedding bouquet. There are a few little cards my Gramma had written me on the outside of our presents through the years. One said, "Happy 1/2 birthday Randol!" from when she sent me a package in the mail when Randol was only 6 months old. There are the Elvis glasses that my Uncle Tommy loved. There is another little card from my sister Katie that she had sneaked into my suitcase when I went on my honeymoon. A favorite of Randol's is the note the tooth fairy left me for my first tooth-then there is the note she left Randol. Today Randol looked at them both and said, "I think she got a lot older because her writing is harder to read on my card than on yours!" I just laughed!

All of these things appear to be trash, old notes and photographs to anyone else walking by, but to me...they are little treasures of my heart that I look forward to seeing again year after year. As many times as I have opened that box, I'm amazed at the joy it brings me as though I'm receiving them for the first time.

This morning I read in Exodus about the Passover. The Jews were to put the lambs blood on their doorways so the angel of death would pass over their house. As many of you know, there is a long ritual that Jews still celebrate today. God said they were to do this every year to remind them of what He did. It reminds them of God's blessings and His mercy.

As I looked at all my silly treasures, they reminded me of God's blessings. Every word, every card or photograph reminds me of a happy time in my life. A time where God blessed me with love and comfort and mercy. As hard as it was to read my Gramma's handwriting on one card that said, "I love you super dooper much!xoxo" and the one she gave to Randol signed "Patches and Lucky" (my aunts cats), I was reminded of her love, of the way she always made me laugh and look to the brighter things in life. I was reminded that even though almost three years have passed since I heard her sweet voice, she is still here, right beside me. That I am thankful for.

In Saturday's paper, there was a black and white comic that said,
"We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way".
I can't get it out of my mind. I have no idea what blessings await my future. It is so hard to see past this day and this moment sometimes. We get so wrapped up in the day to day things that we miss His blessings and His purposes in between all that other stuff. Last week Wesley and I watched The Pursuit of Happyness. That man was as low as one can get. He had to sleep in a public bathroom-in a subway station-in NY City! He had no idea in that moment, that 26 years later he would become a multi millionaire. Talk about moving up the food chain!

This week as I look around me and plan out my day, I will try and remember to thank Him for the things I don't even know He is going to do; things He may already be doing, but I will not see for many years down the road. How blessed we are to be loved so much by One whom we aren't even worthy enough to kiss His sandals. I know that in the midst of my life will come heartache, but blessings can still come in those times as well. Looking back over my life, I have been through some rough stuff. I don't regret any of it because it was in the midst of the storm that I was able to praise Him and feel His Almighty presence.

As you start your day today, look around you and be thankful for all the things He has blessed you with. Then stop and thank Him for all the things He is doing right now, for such a time as this, things you cannot see, but are still there. It is having a truly thankful heart that will keep us grounded in what really matters this Christmas season.

Happy Thanksgiving To You and Your Family!

Lessons Learned in the Midst of Sickness

I confess, I am a horrible blogger this week! Thank you to everyone who keeps checking and having faith that eventually-I'll write again! My excuse for slacking off is two sick children. Any time I have away from them has been spent playing catch up. Catching up on laundry, cleaning, paying bills...you get the idea.

It was one week and two days ago that my oldest son first woke up with a small fever. I thought nothing of it because it went away after a few hours. Over the next few days we found out he had a double ear infection...Monday we found out that my 6 month old has the infamous RSV virus...and its gone on from there. Doctors appointments everyday, breathing machine every 4 hours, long, congested, sleepless nights and on and on.

Despite all the chaos, there are a few life lessons I have learned these last few days that I can apply to all areas of my life.

1. The world keeps on going even though your world is currently on pause. If it doesn't have to do with runny noses and chest congestion-I don't know anything about what has been going on in the news these last few days. I will talk to people and hear about where they are going for Thanksgiving, what they bought their child for Christmas...and I think-Thanksgiving...is THIS week? How can that be? I can't imagine getting to go shopping right now! You mean aside from the Wal-Mart pharmacy, everything else is opened...and on sale? And I'm missing it!?!

2. Enjoy the little time you do get by yourself. Like for instance, sitting at the Wal-Mart pharmacy for 45 minutes waiting for prescriptions. I decided to go grab a magazine and catch up on my celebrity news (real productive right?!?). Despite feeling a little guilty sitting there while my husband was at home with our sick children, I learned a lot of useless knowledge that I came home and shared with him. I enjoyed those 45 minutes instead of getting frustrated and wishing they would hurry up. I found myself almost a little disappointed when they finally called my name!

3. Don't wish your time away. In the wee hours of the morning as I sat on my bathroom floor, holding a mask with medicine steaming out of it, up to my sons face, I found myself thinking, "I will be so glad when this is all over and we can get back to normal!" As soon as the thought formed in my mind I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine earlier that day. She was telling me how 17 years ago, her 3 month old niece died from the RSV virus. She was born in November, premature and died in January. Whenever I hear a story like that it stays with me and burdens my heart. I'm not worried about that happening to my son, but it sure made me realize how precious time is with my children-even at 4 o'clock in the morning. Instead of wishing this time away, I should be thankful for it. I need to hold my children close and love that they need me so desperately instead of wishing they'd sit by themselves. As the old saying goes-when you're sick, there's no one like your mama to make you feel you better! They instinctively know this-even at 6 months of age!

4. Coffee and peanut m&m's were made for such a time as this! I believe they are God's gift to help awake my senses and keep functioning. More importantly, to help with my patience and sanity!

5. Don't be ashamed to ask for help when you need it. Randol has been looking forward to not having school so she can play with her friends who usually have homework to do in the afternoons when they come home from school. She went to three different kids houses and none of them could play. They were either leaving for vacation or not at home. She came inside and started crying telling me how upset she was. I was in the middle of paying bills and trying to hurry because Will had started screaming. Foster starts pulling on my pants leg, screaming at the top of his lungs and before I knew it-I was in tears. I couldn't take it any longer-the crying, the runny noses, the cranky attitudes. And I was having a "guilty mom "moment. I knew I should have enough love and selflessness inside of me to grab up my children and hug them and kiss their tears away.

But I couldn't do that.

Not then.

I did the only thing I knew to do-I picked up the phone, called my husband-no answer. I called my mom-answering machine. I actually said out loud, "Please Lord, let someone answer!" I called Wesley back and he answered. By that time, I was in tears and couldn't talk. All I could make out was-"Are you going to get to come home from work early today?" I felt stupid. I should be able to handle my own children. But all I knew in that moment was-I needed reinforcements! It worked out where Wesley did get to come home early and go to the doctors office with me and the kids-what a blessing!

6. Just when you think you can't handle it anymore-you get a break. After hanging up the phone with my husband, the kids were still crying, but I felt a little better. I decided that it would be a good time to finish the movie we had started the night before. What would you know-in about 10 minutes the crying stopped and I was sitting in my living room watching a movie. I think the Lord knew-I'd had all I could handle! All I needed was a little peace and quiet-if only for a moment!

7. God is here with me and has never left my side. I have been slacking in my morning Bible reading. After going a few days without reading I picked it back up and what would you know, I could pick up where I left off and it was like no time had passed at all. His Word is there, unchanging and true whether we are reading it or not. He is here, whether we acknowledge Him or not. We have the power of the Holy Spirit at our fingertips, all we have to do is cry out to Him!

It has been a wild ride and according to the doctor yesterday, it may still be a while before my children are 100% better. The next time I feel like I can't stand it any longer-I may have to come back and read this post! I know that Lord has a reason for all things under heaven and I have to trust that He is in control. I am so glad I have reinforcements anytime-all I have to do is cry out to Him and He'll be there!

The Season for Giving

So...I applied for a job this week, a paying job I should say.

Why am I doing this? Wesley keeps telling me I don't need to get a job unless I want too. Here is my logical brain...we are SO in debt because of school loans, we are struggling to pay off a measly $4000 credit card debt, how will we ever manage $150,000 in school loans? And that's not including our mortgage. Surely I can help us get ahead somehow. Plus, aside from our tithe, there is nothing left to give back.

...OK, I'm digressing, thinking out loud and giving too much information. I am always trying to keep my eyes and ears opened for new job possibilities; anyway I can juggle homeschooling, raising three children at home...and make some extra income. I have thought about selling baked goods or crafts, selling stuff on eBay, maybe even selling Rainbow vacuum cleaners. I always read the classifieds thinking maybe something will catch my eye and I'll know-this is the job opportunity for me.

My aunt used to work for Hallmark when she had small children and she would restock their cards, set up displays etc. in the local stores. I went to Hallmark.com and what would you know-they are hiring a part-time card merchandiser. I thought-perfect! You make your own hours and work independently. I figured that I could go after Wesley gets home from work and on the weekends. So I revised my resume and tried to send it in-the whole time praying that God would close the door and let me know if this wasn't His will.

I go to complete my application/resume and the computer closes out the web page so it doesn't send. The next day I go back and the web site says "Sorry, we are having technical difficulties please try back later!" It said this for two days. I knew-this was God's sign. Every time I tried to complete my application, I was thwarted, an obstacle came within me and my chance to apply for this job.

...But I was still determined, still convincing myself that this could be what I've been looking for. Finally, two days later I tried again and my application went through.

Isn't that how we are? We pray, asking God's answer, then He gives it and it's not the answer we want, so we do our own thing anyway! When will we ever learn? I kept thinking, "Maybe I'm reading into it. If He doesn't want me to have the job then He'll make sure they don't call me or they will find a better candidate. I'll keep trying!" I am such a mess sometimes!

The Lord has always provided for me and my family. We live in a pretty nice house, have a closet with clothes and food in our pantry. We are far from destitute. Why am I so obsessed with these loans? Wesley isn't. He says that they will get paid off in time, not to worry about it. Maybe its because I'm in charge of paying the bills and I'm reminded every month of what a long way we have to go. Quite possibly its because I am a control freak and having to send our money into some loan company who constantly ups its rates without any warning, makes me feel very NOT in control. I want to send our money in to whom we choose-not these gold-digger-take-the-shirt-off-your-back-as-long-as-you-keep-paying-their-interest-rates, loan companies.

Over the last several weeks we have gotten many nonprofit companies asking for money to help with the holidays; The Valley Rescue Mission, Red Cross, United Way, Goodwill, Angel Tree. All good companies, doing good work and all needing help desperately. My heart is burdened to help them, but my checkbook says otherwise. I keep thinking-if I had a job, I'd have the money to give. I have prayed about this and you know what God told me?

Give what you can.

"What do I have, that I can give?" I asked Him. So, He showed me.

If you come to my house, you will see only one car parked in our garage because the other side is full of stuff. While we could have a killer yard sale, Wesley says he'd rather give it away than sell it. It was then that I realized, this is what we can give. I can load up my van with probably two or three trips and donate it to Mission Columbus. Mission Columbus is a local place people can go who have no food or clothing and get it for free. More importantly, it is run by a man who is the interim pastor at my church and who is doing his best to share the Gospel with those he comes into contact with.

My donation this year won't come in the form of a check or cash, it will be in the form of bags of clothes and toys. And that's OK. He has given me a way that I can still give. Isn't giving what Christmas is all about? God gave His Son to be the Savior of the world. That is the true meaning of Christmas, right? Is He asking too much for me to give of my time and stuff to try and give back just a little of the blessings He has given me? Absolutely not!

So, I'm not holding my breath about working for Hallmark. I'm pretty sure He has already given me my answer to how He feels about that. I want His best for my life-not my best. So often I forget that. I see an opportunity and think it will help fix whatever situation I am in, while really I'm only getting in the way. Wesley is confident and assured that there will come a day that we will no longer owe our souls to school loans. I have to believe that as well.

Letting go and trusting my future to the One I cannot see, but whom I KNOW is there. Why is that so hard to do sometimes?

As you approach this Christmas season, ask Him, what does He want you to give? To be used by God is such a powerful thing. I know without a doubt that He has a little girl about Randol's height, that is going to love the clothes she will be getting. I'm quite certain there is a small child who will love to play with some of our stuffed animals and blocks. My mind was so focused on what I didn't have to give, that I had forgotten what I could give. His ways are not our ways. All along, I have had a garage full of blessings that could be used for His kingdom.

Every one's situation is different, but our mission is the same. Go out into the world and make more disciples, whether that is donating money to a worthy cause, being an example to your neighbors or donating your belongings to those who are more in need than you are. Anything you do or say that shows others Christ's love-is fulfilling the Great Commission! This time of year, its hard not to look around and see how much God has blessed us. Good family, good friends, good food and good fellowship. Could I really ask for anything more?

PLEASE WATCH THIS!!!

My sister-in-law just emailed me this.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE watch this video until the very end.
It is only a minute or two long.
I promise you, it will stay with you for days to come...

Singin' in the Storm

I have come to the conclusion that sleep is no longer an option in my house. Last night I slept for 45 minutes straight before one of my boys woke me up. It was all down hill from there until 5:30 am when we were up for the day. As soon as one would get to sleep, the other immediately would wake up. This has been going on for a week now. Today at lunch Wesley said, "I can't even remember what a full 6 hours of sleep feels like-let alone 8 hours! We are doing good to get 2 hours of continuous sleep!"

It got me thinking, when was my last night of good rest? Isn't that how life is? You get in a rut and its hard to see out of it or remember what life was like before you got there. You start to wonder, is it ever going to end!

I jokingly talk about a "no-sleep rut", but on a serious note, it may be a financial rut or a relationship rut or an emotional rut...so many things that drag us down and threaten our peace. What do we do when we get down in that small valley? What happens when you feel all the light is gone and you are left in a cover of darkness? Then what?

Is it easier to praise Him when your life is going great or when its in the valley? Do you reach out to Him or shun Him, blaming Him for your problems? We all have a choice, and we all make one either way. Do you think He knows right where you are, at this given moment, as you read this? Does He know what is running through your brain RIGHT NOW?

I promise you He does. His word says He does, so it must be true. If He knows that, don't you think He knows what valley you're in right now? Better yet-He knows how you can get out of it. He can take that darkness and turn it into light. No matter how big or small-He knows and He has a purpose for it, even though you can't see it right now.

Last Sunday, a good friend of mine sang a Casting Crowns song called "Praise you in this Storm". I got chill bumps and had to fight back tears as I sang along. I went to YouTube and found the song with pictures from the war we are fighting right now. It reminded me of my Sept 11th post, talking about wearing the full armour of God. I have attached the video at the end of this post. As you watch it, think of your own battle. That's you in those pictures. You may not be wearing full camo and desert gear with a gun in your hand, but you have your belt of truth around your waist, your breastplate of righteousness and your shield of faith, "which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one" (Eph 6:16) and most important, that is no gun in your hand, it is the Word of God, which is more powerful than any weapon.

As we are almost in the middle of November, I am constantly reminded of being Thankful. Holidays are special times for me and I really try my best to get my heart and mind into the reason for why we celebrate. I find myself being thankful for the storms in my day. We are to praise Him in the best of times...and the worst of times. How awesome it is to extinguish those flying arrows together, fighting side by side. You are not alone and He has not left you. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and He'll help you win any battle.

How thankful I am to serve such a powerful God who loves me enough to send His Son to die for me.




Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Wordless Wednesday: This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made

Watching the ducks yesterday at Cooper Creek.

A Few Mere Words...

On Saturday, Wesley and I went to the wedding of a dear friend who has waited a long time for her prince. As I sat there watching the two of them say their vows and then the minister pronounce them husband and wife, I was struck by how short and simple it is to become married. What changed in those few minutes to bind these people to each other for life? The beautiful bride walked down that long aisle as a single lady. A few moments later, she walked down the same aisle on the arm of her beloved, now as a married woman.

They spoke a few words in front of a few witnesses and now they are joined, in the eyes of God forever...Just a few mere words...that's all it took...

Last night at bible study we talked about how powerful God's Word is. It is God's Word's that we use to fight our battle against this dark world that we live in. It is our only weapon...a few words will drive Satan away....

We need to learn to use that sword to prepare us for battle. Jesus combated temptation with quoting scripture...with using a few words.

When Jesus hung on the cross He looked around Him and said, "Father, forgive them for they no not what they are doing."
A few words and He forgave them...He forgave us.

A few words can change your life forever when you ask Him to come into your heart to be your Lord and Savior. Your whole eternal future lies in just a few simple words.

A few words can rip apart a relationship, tear up trust and faith in a person.
They can shred your whole life long testimony in a matter of minutes.

On the other hand, a few words can heal a broken wound. Forgiveness is such a soothing balm over a ones soul, but how hard it is to say those few words.

A few words can make all the difference in every aspect of your life;
what you say at the cash register, how you greet your secretary, your tone of voice when you talk to your spouse.

Words are so powerful, a huge part of our fate lies in the things we say.

Can you believe she did that? I can't believe he said that!

Look at what she's wearing! What was she thinking?

Would you just hush your mouth?

What is your problem?

Did you hear what they did?

I would never do something like that!

She is so stupid!

Boy did she deserve what she got!

You are so beautiful! Thank you so much!

I don't know what I'd do without you.

You mean so much to me. You are special to me.

I am so thankful for you.

I love you. I hate you. I forgive you. I'm mad at you. I'm hurting. I'm sorry.

What words will you say today?

"But I tell you that men will have to give an account

on the day of judgement for every careless

word that they have spoken.

For by your words you will be acquitted,

and by your words you will be condemned."

Matthew 12:36-37

What a Blessed Sunday!

Before...

Talking with Pastor RoyceFeeling the Water

After
Daddy's Girl
The Two Girls

A Few Simple Treasures

When a few days have past since I last blogged, I start to get "blogger's overload"! I have too many things I want to write about that its hard for me to "choose"!

Today the Lord reminded me of a few very important promises He gives us in His word. The passages I read today in my Bible and unsurprisingly my daughters Bible study book she is doing for school, went together and the Lord hit me square in the face with some good stuff!

"...yet because of the man's boldness (persistence) he will get up and give him as much as he needs. So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Luke 11:8b-10

So often I pray for something, then check it off my list and keep worrying about it or letting it fester in my mind. We aren't supposed to do that, we are to pray persistently, boldly and keep knocking at heavens door. We are to keep asking until He gives us an answer. Now, just because you ask over and over, doesn't mean He'll say yes. It is important to note that! I have found that when He doesn't give me the answer I seek, its because His answer is better than I ever could have asked for. He knows and sees the whole picture, which I can only see today, this moment I'm in. I don't know what lies ahead tomorrow or in a year from now or in 30 years from now...but He does! He knows what bothers my heart, what disrupts my peace and I must keep praying about it. I am not to bear my burdens alone. How often I forget to do that!

"Let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you,

Make level paths for your feet

and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

keep your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4:25-27

I know I talked about this verse not that long ago, but it crept up again this morning. In an earlier verse He says, "Above all else, Guard your heart..."(4:23). I must guard my heart and keep looking straight ahead. I can't look at my neighbor or what he is doing. I cannot compare my situation with anyone else. I must look ahead, keeping my eyes on Him because He has a plan, greater than I can ever imagine. If I guard my heart and daily, moment by moment turn it over to Him, He will show me what I am to be praying for, He will show me the treasures I seek. When you give your heart to Him, He helps you pray according to His will-not your own. That is so important, but so hard to do. It is also hard to take the "me" or the "I" out of my prayers and replace it with "Your will, not my own". Anything given outside of His will is second best, and who wants that?

"May He give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed...

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of

the Lord our God."

Psalm 20:4 and 7

I remember learning this verse in Bible drill as a child. I fell in love with it. How many material things do I trust in, things I can see and feel. How often do I try and figure out a situation by looking at what is in front of me. Instead, I should be trusting in what I cannot see...in the God I cannot see, but know is there. I should trust in a name, a simple name that has more power than anything else here on earth.

I absolutely love the way He takes verses and passages of the Bible that I have read over and over since a child and He uses them in a whole new way. He unlocks secrets and treasures that I need in that moment. He is a moment by moment God, all we have to do is choose Him in those tiny moments! How blessed we are that He will speak so clearly to us if we earnestly seek Him and pray according to His will.

Wordless Wednesday: My Little Pumpkin

I Just Had to Share...

I woke up Sunday morning with expectation. It was Mission Sunday. What is Mission Sunday you ask? It was a Sunday devoted completely to the Great Commission. Our church didn't have Sunday school or split services. Our whole congregation sat together and then enjoyed a pot luck lunch afterwards. We had guest speakers from Uruguay and Montana. We have had a few mission teams go and help these missionaries. It was neat to see the faces of these brave men and women that I have heard about for so long.

My husband had to go to church early because he was in a short skit as a bum. It is never easy getting three children ready for church, but its even harder by yourself. Well I was proud of myself, not only were we all ready, we were ready with minutes to kill! Well of course my picture-mania brain kicked in as I saw my two boys wearing matching sweater vests for the first time and I thought, "I have time to take some pictures!"

As you can see, Foster was not up for sitting still, he never is, but especially when he knows we are about to go "bye-bye". That boy loves to leave our house and then he gets just as excited to some back home! He will clap as we pull out of the driveway and then clap as we pull back in! It makes me feel good to see how happy is about coming back to our home. Hopefully I'll be more successful at picture taking for Halloween!

It was a great Sunday. I needed to see my church family getting together and simply enjoying one another's company. So often we forget that we are a family, meant to love and serve one another. What an important role in the church! I was also reminded that we are all called to go and make disciples, preaching the gospel. So often we think that foreign missionaries are the only ones who have to do that. We also have that same calling, we are do to do the same right here in our own homes, with our neighbors and with the people we see at the grocery store. He has placed that calling in all of us.

I had another sweet surprise this morning. My sister-in-law called asking if I wanted to come over to see her new house and to let the kids play. Her family just moved here last weekend and are now within a 12 minute drive from my house (versus an hour and a half). Wesley had helped them move over the weekend, but I had still not seen the new house yet. Our children are very close in age with the exception of Randol.

Right now, she is still so young that she can still play and have fun with the younger children.

One day Randol will be like I was-too old to play, but not old enough to be a grown up, but still getting more privilages than the younger kids. I got to stay up late with the grown ups and eat ice cream. I got to get paid to babysit my little brothers and sisters and cousins. There will come a time where she will be "too old" to play. For now, I will savor her desire to read to them and play with them and show them new things. I will enjoy her childhood! We grow up too soon and time goes by too fast.

Today...I enjoyed Keri's company and my children simply being children. It is so hard to get wrapped up in the day-to-day things that we miss the little gifts in between. When Keri called this morning, asking if I wanted to come over, my first thought was, "I can't, we have to do school!" Then I remembered-I have no time limit and flexibility is a must! So...we put school on hold for the morning and worked until the late afternoon to make up for it...but it was worth it! How blessed I am that Randol was home and not in school so she didn't have to miss out on playtime with her cousins!

A New Focus

Saturday morning I went to an estate sale with my mom, sister and aunt. Though I didn't leave with anything I could hold in my hands, I sure came home with a lot of thoughts.

There was so much stuff there. In addition to furniture and pots and pans, there were books given at Christmas time dated in the 1930's. There were diplomas to Medical School and books given from a relative who attended Berry College in the late 1920's. There was a photograph of a graduating high school class from over 70 years ago. There were journals, piano music and Catholic prayer books. There was a local newspaper dated 1939, talking about some team who won a championship. There were baby booties that had clearly been worn. There were homemade crocheted pillow cushions and a gorgeous bedspread that was handmade.

So many things...all being auctioned off to a bunch of strangers who were foaming at the mouth to get the best price. They didn't look at this stuff with love, it was just material, something to grace their own home or to sell in an antique shop.

I could see my own life in the lady of the house, named Sarah. She had old, worn out cook books with an old obituary marking her place. There were gardening books telling her how to grow apple trees. There was an old parenting book. This woman was a mother and a wife just like me, only seventy plus years ago.

I can't help but come home and look around my own house. I have a lot of the same things she had, only much newer and updated. The things I hold close to me will one day be left behind, as I go on ahead. How many times have I wished for a new dress or a new car or a new whatever? How many minutes have I wasted in a store deciding on what to buy? So much wasted time when I could be doing something more useful. How many times have I gotten upset over something my chlidren broke?

As the old saying goes, there are only two certainties in life-death and taxes. One day I will die and all of my stuff will still be here. What will happen to it all? Will it be treasured and loved by a grandchild of mine or will it be auctioned off to strangers? If I really think about it, it doesn't matter what happens to it. I'm quite sure that the last thing on my mind as I sit at my Saviors feet and bask in His magnificent glow, is "I wonder what happened to all of my stuff!"

Eternity is what our real focus should be on; not on what we have or don't have. Who are you taking with you to eternity? Is there someone you aren't sure is a christian? Is there a close friend or family member who isn't saved by grace? Start praying that the Lord will open the door and you can plant some seeds. The fact is, one day we will all be gone and our stuff will still be here. What will your focus be today?

"As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and in its place remembers no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord's love is with those who fear him,

and His righteousness with their children's children-

with those who keep His covenant

and remember to obey His precepts.

Psalm 105:15-18

Risks of the Heart

We all have hopes and dreams. There are times we lay awake at night or stare off into space at the red light dreaming...thinking about something we've always wanted to do or places we've always wanted to go. Maybe its something that doesn't seem possible or probable....dream it anyway...God placed those longings and desires in your heart for a reason.

Don't be afraid to take the risks of your heart. Write that letter, make that phone call, book that plane ticket, mail off that manuscript. We only get one shot, one chance at this thing called life. Don't waste it because you're afraid! Remember, He didn't give us a spirit of fear,but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

With Him ALL things are possible. Stay in His will, tell Him about your dreams, about what you "want to be when you grow up" (no matter how old you are!). He loves to listen to your heart.

Never stop hopin'...never stop dreamin'..and never stop prayin'...I promise you He is listening!

(look below the video for the words)




Anyway
Martina McBride/Brad Warren/Brett Warren (BMI)

You can spend your whole life buildin’
Somethin’ from nothin’
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

(Chorus)
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
When I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ‘em anyway

(Repeat Chorus)

You can pour your soul out singin’
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

His Sweet Smile

Yesterday felt like winter...not fall, but winter. Now, us Southerners LOVE the fall air. We shout with joy over feeling the wind blow against our faces and having a much needed reprieve from all the heat. But feeling so cold in your house you don't want to get out of bed or having to bundle your children up in jackets just to go to church-that we don't enjoy. (I know my Colorado relatives are laughing at me, as they prepare for a much colder winter, full of lots of snow! Love you guys!)

Last night, I had to find long sleeved shirts and jackets for my children and load them up in the mini van and set out for a night at church. As we drive out of the garage I notice the cold, misty rain falling down. I glance in the back seat and look at my boys as they are on the verge of battling another round of ear infections. At the stop light, the rain falls hard enough for me to turn on my windshield wipers. I started praying without even realizing it. Here was my conversation, "Lord, my boys have been in and out of the pediatrician's office every other week. It's cold and wet outside. (Like He doesn't already know this!) Please stop the rain so we don't have to get wet and then they get ..."

All of a sudden I stopped and realized what I was asking. As my husband says, I was being a "finicky female". For the last two weeks we have been praying for rain. Our lakes are drying up and the water supply in Atlanta only has 90 days left. My mother was telling me about somewhere in Tennessee, where the drought is so bad, they can only turn on their water for 3 hours a day and flush their toilets once a day...and here I am, asking Him to stop the rain so my already frizzy hair-doesn't get wet! Am I a spoiled little princess or what?

So, I backtracked, "Lord forgive me. How selfish I am to even ask you to stop the rain when we need it so desperately. Please send the rain! Send it long and hard and cold if you must, but send the rain and please forgive me for being so selfish!"

We are about to turn on the street that leads to our church...
Randol says, "Wow Mama, it's really starting to rain! I think we might have to get wet!"

Five seconds later...
I park my car, Randol and I both open the door and she says,"Mama look-it stopped raining! How did that happen so fast?"
I laughed right there, out loud. I knew He was smiling down on me!

I unloaded all my children-with the help of a friend...walked inside...looked out the window five minutes later...and there is a family, all with umbrellas over their heads, as the rain fell!

Now you may say it was a coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidences! I say it was a small gift from the One whom even the rain and clouds obey! Even the smallest of requests...no, even the stupidest of requests-He listens too!

The men were amazed and asked,

"What kind of man is this?

Even the winds and waves obey Him!"

~Matthew 8:27

Wordless Wednesday

Randol, amidst the clothes she recieved

from our cousins Tavi and Carly. Me and Will (5 months old)Foster (my little Superman)
watching the blessed rain yesterday!

No Empty Promises

Last week was a hard week. That's the only way I know how to describe it. By Friday, my heart had had it. One small event set me off and before I knew it, I was bawling, puffy eyes and everything (and I am not a crier!). My poor husband tried as he could to console me, but what I really needed was some good 'ole girl talk. Wesley finally looked at me and said, "Maybe you should go call Shannon and she can make you feel better." And that's just what I did.

And I felt better. Much better.

Wesley and I are sitting in a small valley right now, not in a valley of our marriage (thank goodness!), but in the valley of life and circumstances. I am amazed at how the Lord is using this time to bring Wesley and I so much closer than we have ever been. I love the way He continues to evolve our relationships into something greater than we ever hoped for.

We are waiting on the Lord, sitting, praying and soaking up the Word daily to see what He has next for us. A new job possibility has come up and we are waiting to hear back from someone. We both feel that God has amazing things in store for our future, we just have to wait on Him and on His timing. Why is that so hard to do sometimes?

This morning I was thinking about the whole situation and God asked me, "Will you love me any less if my answer is no?" I realized in that moment that I had been thinking of things as a done deal, I hadn't truly left them up to Him. I have to always remind myself that His ways are not our ways and that His timing is not our timing. He sees the whole picture, I can only see the moment I am in. And to be honest-I don't know if I'd want to see the whole future and know how it all turns out. What's the excitement and suspense in that?

In this waiting time, I have come to realize a few things I do know and that I can count on.

1.He has plans for our lives, plans to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future.
(Jeremiah 29:11)

2. His ways may not be my ways, but they are so much better than my ways! (Isaiah 55:8-9)

3. I am deeply loved and deeply adored by Him and He truly has my best interests at heart. (Psalm 103)

4. He knows the desires of Wesley and I's hearts. (Psalm 37:4)

5. He knows where we are financially and He is greater than our checkbook! (Job 23: 8-10)

6. We all have a mission here on earth, a role to play in this big adventure, we are just waiting on our next assignment. (Ephesians 1:11)

How blessed we are that we can continue to count on His promises. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. His Word will continue to be a source of comfort and relief. I am so glad I don't know the outcome-but that He does. I am so glad I can give my life over to Him and let Him worry about it!

Anytime, Anywhere

The other night Wesley and I were sitting on the couch talking about our day. Somehow a recent political situation came up. I started telling him all my plans to make sure a certain individual doesn't get re-elected next year. He laughed at how hard I had thought about it. Then he told me that he had thought about it too and he had his own plan, but that it was much different than mine. I tried to figure out what he could do that I hadn't thought of. I asked him, "What is your plan?"

"P-R-A-Y"

That was his response! That was his big plan. He was going to pray about it and leave the end result up to God! I laughed at how stupid I had been. I felt a little ashamed to admit- I hadn't even thought of that or incorporated it into my plan!

How many times does life hit us where it hurts and we go about trying to fix it in our human capacity? And how many times do we fail? I tend to forget that I can approach the throne of God with confidence, anytime I want. I can unload my busy days and leave it all to Him to work out as He wills. Part of my humanly mind says," I have to do more than just pray." Then I think about it-who is it I am praying too? Is it some idol sitting on a shelf? Is it some human that will surely fail me? NO, it is my Heavenly Father, the creator of Heaven and Earth. The One who has my best interests at heart. How can I not approach His throne and then completely walk away-leaving it all to Him?

This morning I read in Matthew about the woman who was healed just by touching the edge of Jesus' cloak (Matthew 9:20-22). She knew that was all she needed to do. She didn't need Him to touch her or to even talk to her. He was so powerful that just by touching a piece of His clothing, healed her.

Then there was the the centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant. Jesus offered to go to his home and heal the man. The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word and my servant will be healed." (Matthew 8:8)

Think about what power that is-Jesus said the word and in a house a few miles away, a servant was being healed. He didn't touch him, He didn't even see this man, but the centurion knew how powerful Jesus was. He had faith that Jesus could do it.

Just as these men and women had faith to go to Jesus when they needed Him, we must also have the faith to go to Him in prayer and trust that He knows what is best for us. All our doing just gets in the way of His Almighty plans for our lives. How blessed we are that we can go to Him anytime-anywhere!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace

with confidence, so that we may

receive mercy and find grace to help us

in our time of need."

~Hebrews 4:16

Wordless Wednesday: Foster is 2!

Then...
The New Big Sister...

A Year Ago...


Now...

My, how fast they grow!

Letting Go

Two years ago, I woke up on a morning such as this, only I was pregnant with my son Foster and due any day. I sat on my couch and wrote in my journal. I was so anxious and a little afraid of the whole labor process. I was scared of how a new baby was going to effect Randol after being an "only child" for so long. I was afraid for myself and this new responsibility. I questioned my mothering skills, wondering if I had what it took to have another child. I was worried about the timing, would my mom and my mother-in-law get to be at the hospital like they both wanted? Would Wesley be able to get out of work or what if he was in the courtroom and no one could tell him I was in labor? So many things running through my head. That morning, I gave them all to my Heavenly Father. I poured out my heart to Him and asked Him to forgive my silly thoughts and to relieve me of my anxiousness. I can still remember how relieved I felt after unloading my (silly) burden.

That night around midnight my contractions were so intense that we went to the hospital. Foster was born the next morning and he was by far my easiest labor! Everything I worried about-He took care of, better than I ever could have hoped for. I knew the Lord was with me. He was faithful. I took Him at His Word to hear my prayer and He did.

This morning I also feel discouraged-not over having a baby, but over life in general. A few things have happened lately that's hard for me to let go of. I tend to think of things and let them fester in my mind. I need to let go and realize-I cannot please everyone and there will always be some people who will not like me-no matter how hard I try.

And that's ok.

I have to realize that there are some situations that only God can fix. I need to let go and let Him work and quit running myself ragged to try and do it all myself. So, I come this morning with a heavy, but hopeful heart. I know my Redeemer lives and I know that it is what He thinks that matters more than any person here on earth. Just as He comforted and relieved my heavy heart two years ago, I know He can do the same this morning, I just have to let it go...

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful;

but heartache crushes the spirit."

~Proverbs 15:13

Just The Way I Am

Last night I was able to put on my husbands favorite black dress with the spaghetti straps and my open toed high heels. I walked into the living room and he actually whistled! He looked at me and said, "Marion, you are so beautiful!" and he said it not just with his words, but also with his eyes. In that moment that's exactly how I felt-beautiful. It didn't matter what anyone else thought, I knew he adored me. I am blessed to be married to a man who tries on a regular basis to tell me how much he loves me. I hear other husbands tell their wives they are fat or they wished their wife looked more like some celebrity or they want them to dye their hair a certain color, on and on I could go. If you are one of these types of men-please stop next time you even come close to saying something like that. You have no idea what it will do to a woman's heart and self esteem.

I have noticed that no matter how young or old we women get, we all want to be found beautiful. My daughter started very young and still asks my husband, "Daddy, do you think I look pretty?" or "Do you like my outfit?" which I keep telling him, means the same thing. She is seeking his approval. When my Gramma was alive she'd always say, "Make sure you have lipstick on or you'll look like you're dead!" and she always made sure she had her lipstick on! It made her feel beautiful. My (great-grandmother) Granny was in her 80's when she passed away. When she was alive, I always made a point to comment on her outfit, telling her she looked beautiful. Her eyes would light up and she'd tell me where she bought it, getting as excited as a teenager talking about a recent shopping trip to the mall. The other week, I was at church and there were two women, one in her twenties and one in her fifties who were talking about what they were wearing for church. Both wishing they were skinnier and both complained of having to find something they felt good in to wear to church. Though many years apart, they were the same in how they felt.

I have this philosophy, if you feel bad in what you are wearing-change you're clothes. You're whole mannerisms show up in how you feel on the inside. Last night I felt beautiful. I felt confident (but not overly confident-I was still checking my lipstick every five minutes in the car before we got to our destination!) and so I was more at ease with my surroundings. There are other days (like this morning) where its cold outside and I have nothing to wear and I know whatever I do wear, I'm going to feel crummy in.

We live in such a materialistic world. There are thousands of different wrinkle creams and self tanners. People dye their hair and walk around with perfectly manicured fingernails and toe nails. We spend a fortune on our clothes and shoes making sure we look right. I'm not saying any of this is wrong. I use self tanners every once in a while, I'd go get a manicure/pedicure of I had the time and money and I know one day-I will dye my hair to get rid of the grey and I will use wrinkle cream! :-)

Last night as I basked in the adoration of my husband, I thought, "How any times do I bask in the glow of my Lord?" How many times do I seek His approval over the approval of man? If my heart is right with Him-He finds me beautiful all the time, no matter what clothes I'm wearing or if I have a pimple on my face or if I'm having a bad hair day. He looks down from heaven and says, "Wow, You sure are beautiful!"

Think about that for a moment, the God of the universe, the maker of heaven and earth finds you beautiful. It's almost hard to let that one sink in or to even try to comprehend it. Whenever I get hard on myself looking and wishing there was something I could change about the way I am made, I remind myself- I was created in His image. He made me the way I am for a purpose. Whenever I wish I was skinnier or prettier or whatever-I am insulting Him. I am insulting the time and effort He put in to create me just the way I am. There is a reason we are not all built the same. We are each unique. If He puts as much time and effort into making each and every snowflake different-think of the time and effort He put into making you! Each of our hairs are numbered, our fingerprints are unlike anyone elses, He knows you better than you know yourself.

Don't ever forget-you are dearly loved and you are deeply adored by your Heavenly Father. And He made you perfect-just the way you are!

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."

~Jeremiah 1:5a

F-A-L-L Is In The Air!

Can I just say, I L-O-V-E this cool, fall weather! Yesterday I turned off the air and opened all the windows. My children played in the backyard most of the afternoon. I even cooked in my kitchen and didn't get hot because of the cool breeze flowing in my kitchen windows. Granted, the weatherman says this cool weather may be gone by tomorrow, but what can you expect living in the South!

There is something exciting about the weather changing, no matter what season it is. When I start to feel the cool air, I know that Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming soon. I know that there will be many days of sipping hot chocolate and snuggling under heavy blankets. I know that coffee will smell even better in the mornings. I know that hot, beef stew and pot roast with carrots and potatoes will be added to my weekly menu. I don't have to worry about sweating or going outside and smelling like "yard" (as my friend Shannon says) when I come back inside. Saturday mornings feel so much sweeter, getting to stay in the warm bed for a few minutes longer than normal. My husband won't have to spend his day off, cutting our grass (that's why he loves this time of year!) I know cute pictures of kids in hats and rosy cheeks with big smiles is a given. I know I'll get to enjoy watching my Lords beautiful color palette as the colors change from green to red and orange to brown. I know Fantasy in Lights at Callaway Gardens might be in our future. I think of big fires in my fireplace as my family and I sit around playing cards or Sorry or Life with Randol. In a way it feels like the end of an era and the start of a new one. You can start to feel the excitement in the air of knowing the holidays are coming soon. It is such a great time to be alive!

Have you ever thought about why the weather changes and the sun goes down sooner at night time? Why the grass all dies and most animals are missing from your yard? Is it a coincidence? Does it happen by chance? Is it apart of some weird ecological goof?

It is all apart of His big plan. The seasons have been changing since Noah in Genesis.

"As long as the earth endures,

seed time and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease."

Genesis 8:22

God is still on the throne. He is still in control of not just the weather, but of the happenings of our lives. The next time you feel that cool breeze on your face or watch the golden leaves trickle down from the tree tops, remember-He is in control. All of those things are happening because He wills it. He loves to show off His glory! I just pray I don't miss it!

This Little Light of Mine

Last night my hubby and I watched our new favorite show-Hero's. It is one of those kinds of shows that has just enough surprises to make you watch the next week. It sometimes ends a little creepy (I guess is the word). I am not one to be afraid of the dark, but whenever I watch something (creepy) right before I go to bed, I have a hard time falling asleep in my dark room!

Last night as I lay there, listening to my husbands soft breathing and staring at the ceiling, I thought about how different my room looks in the dark. Shadows are cast along the walls and its hard to see where everything is. You start to hear noises and wonder what they are. Things don't appear the same way they do in the light.

Remember when you were a child and you had to get up to go to the bathroom? You'd run to get there (making sure the boogie man under your bed didn't get you first!) and you'd turn on the light. All of a sudden it wasn't so scary anymore.

I realized last night, that is how the world is all the time. People are suffering from addiction, depression, anger, frustration, on and on I could go. They live in fear. They can't just run to the bathroom and turn on the light because the light they need must come from within. They can't dodge the boogie man under their bed because surely satan has already attached himself to their backs and they just can't shake him.

We are their only hope. We are here to bring them closer to the One True Light-the only One who can defeat their enemy.

So often I don't hide my light under a bush (as the song goes), but under busyness, under lack of patience or under anything else that makes me forget-I am light. You can lose your whole testimony by a single word, standing in the pharmacy line, being impatient. The world is watching and waiting for you to mess up. Satan is on the prowl hanging on for dear life to the necks of those around you, whispering in their ear, "Look at her-and she says she's a christian! She's no different than you!" We must not forget to let our light shine. Our role is so vital to this important adventure we are in.

Can they see it? Can they see your light as you pump your gas or as you pay for your groceries? Is it shining as you wait at the red light or get handed another long assignment? It is your light that will draw them closer to shaking the devil on their back. It is your light that will bring them closer to the One who can save them from the depths of hell. Your light...so go...let your light shine!

"You are the salt of the earth.
But if the salt loses its saltiness,
how can it be made salty again?
It is no longer good for anything,
except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
You are the light of the world.
A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp

and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand
and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way,

let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good deeds
and praise your Father in heaven."
~Matthew 5:13-16

Did You See Him?

I have this weird habit of writing on my calendar what all I did each day; what errands I ran, what I cooked for dinner, what we watched on TV that night etc. Sometimes I don't have time or I forget and when I look back, I see a blank spot for that day. I feel like I lost a day, like it didn't count. The days go by so fast, its hard to remember how I fill them! Our lives are not made up of vacations and weekends. We spend the majority of our lives in the mundane, Monday thru Friday, everyday errands of life.

Do you try and wait until everything is quiet and there is nothing to do-to talk to God? Do you find that you never find that quiet time to seek Him? I've got news for you my friend-if that's the only time you're looking for God...you'll be looking for a lifetime. There will always be one more thing to finish, one more phone call to make.

You don't have to wait for that perfect, quiet moment to find Him. God is in everything and is everywhere.

He's in that hot cup of coffee you drank as you sat and tried to relax before your roller coaster of a day began. He was right behind you as you took out your trash. He's in the car that got you to work this morning and that kept your children safe on their way to school. He's in the gas line as you wait to fill up your tank.

God was in the board meeting where you were upset over the outcome of your conference call. He was at the stop light that made you wait three times for it to turn green for it to be your turn to go. He was at McDonald's as you picked up your lunch. God's in the grocery store as you anxiously wait for some teenage cashier to hurry up and ring up your items.

God is in the pick up line as you get your children from school. He is in the pictures your child colored at school. He is in your child's smile as he or she tells you about their day. He's with you as you run off to football practice or ballet or whatever new activity your child is into. He is there at your kitchen table as you eat dinner with your family.

God is in the soft, creamy ice cream you eat as a treat after your long day. He's there at bath time and for wet kisses as you put your children down for bed. He is in your husbands embrace as you cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.

Did you see Him...did you feel His touch today? Or were you too busy and you missed it? All day long, from sunrise to sunset He's been watching and waiting to show you how special you are to Him....how loved you are.

He'll be there tomorrow when your alarm clock goes off and you start another day...don't miss Him. I promise you He is there!

"You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord."

~ Psalm 139:2-5

God-Sized Prayers

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait in expectation."

~Psalm 5:3

This morning I came across this verse and it stood out to me. How many times do I pray...and then wait...expectantly? I usually pray...and then pause...and then go about trying to "fix" things myself. I once heard that you should pray-knowing and believing God will answer your requests. He doesn't always give you the answer that you want, but you should have faith that He can. I struggle with this a lot. Maybe it is my controlling nature, I don't know. I find myself praying all throughout my day over little things, but I often pray for small outcomes--not God sized outcomes. I will pray that God will get Wesley through his day, instead of praying for Him to open the window to a new job that is conformed to what Wesley wants. I will pray for symptoms (Help with the ache in her back) instead of complete healing (Remove this pain and heal her body completely). There is a BIG difference. How much faith do I have in my prayers and in my God?

God wants to bring about His glory through us. In order to do that, we must have the faith to pray for things only God can deliver. We must believe that He is who He says He is. He is the Alpha, the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Nothing can get to us until it goes through Him first-even Satan has to ask His permission to roam the earth. He raised people from the dead and calmed the worst of storms. He fed thousands of people out of a few loaves of bread and a few fish. He opened a donkey's mouth and spoke out of it. He parted the Red Sea and people walked on dry land. He opened the wombs of many women and gave them children after years of being barren. He took all of my sins and scattered them as far as the east is from the west. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Man...how can I not believe...and wait...expectantly?

My Little Soldier

I have to admit, lately all I feel is tired. Tired of laundry, tired of changing diapers, tired of cooking dinner and picking up toys. I could keep going, but you catch my drift. Once 8 o'clock hits, I'm tired of being "Mommy". All I want is to sit, in peace and quiet and do what I want to do. It's hard for me to admit this because of how unbelievably selfish it sounds, but if I'm honest, its truly how I've been feeling. This afternoon, an unusual thing happenned-both my boys took naps at the same time. It was actually quiet in my living room. My tiredness was rewarded in such a way that I am not worthy.

Today, the Lord reminded me just how important it is to be a mother. The angels sang and God smiled as my sweet Randol asked Jesus into her heart, on our couch, holding my hands. There were tears in both our eyes as I squashed the urge to cry out in excitement. I knew when I looked in those eyes that this was for real. I knew that one day, no matter what our futures held, I'd see my baby girl in heaven one day. Ahh, blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

I have been praying for her for so long. We have had so many good talks. She asks questions, Wesley and I answer. She's been so close, for so long. I have prayed, I have worried and I have agonized over her salvation. For God to let me be there, holding her hand, looking into her sweet face and sharing in her joy, it was better than I could have ever asked for, better than I deserve. I thank Him so much for such a gift.

This was a huge decision that she must make on her own, with no pressure. As Wesley said today, it is the biggest decision she will ever make in her whole life; bigger than what you want to be when you grow up or who you're going to marry. To follow Christ is a life long decision.

Today God reminded me that it doesn't matter if I did laundry all day and I'm still not finished or that my living room looks like a daycare. It doesn't matter if I'm still in my pajamas from this morning and its after 9 pm. All that does matter, is that I am building soldiers for Christ. Day by day, prayer by prayer, I'll stay the course and I'll keep praying I am the mother I am supposed to be. This is more important than any job, any deadline or any appointment. We can't leave it up to the Sunday School teacher or the preacher to tell our children about Christ. It is our job. We are the constant light our young children see that will either draw them closer to Christ-or farther away from Him. Stay vigilant, stay the course and keep praying for your children. No prayer goes unnoticed or unheard.

I know that this is only the beginning. Randol has a long road ahead of her, but now I know He'll be there to carry her along no matter what comes her way. My body may still feel tired, but my spirit is strong and re-focused on the "main thing" of raising children. Today...my cup runneth over.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
~Deuteronomy 6:5-7

A Tribute To All Mom's!

These both come from different emails other moms sent to me. They encouraged me, made me laugh and I thought every mom out there should see them. I DID NOT write the following piece. I'm not sure who did, but I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

God Bless, Marion

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To My Friend, with Admiration for the Greatness of what you are Building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there!"

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Duh!

Yesterday I wrote about fear (see post below). Last night I sat down to read my Bible Study and do you want to know what one of the last questions in my study guide said?

Underneath our sin is a deep fear. What are you most afraid of?

I didn't know when I started yesterday's post, where it was going to go and I certainly didn't think this weeks chapters in Captivating were going to even touch on fear. I love when God does that. He aligns what I am studying in the Bible, or in Sunday School with something else. Have you ever run across a verse in your quiet time, only to discuss it in worship and then it gets trickled into a book you may be reading or a friend tells it to you to comfort you? That's God. He works like that. Telling us over and over again until we finally get it.

Yesterday the Lord kept bringing a sweet friend of mine to my mind. I thought a lot about her most of the day. I finally asked myself, "Why do I keep thinking about her?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks-"HELLO MARION!!!! You are supposed to be praying for her!" I have no idea what is going on in her life, but I did know, that God wanted me to pray for her.

He speaks to us in so many ways. I am so thankful that He did not give up on me yesterday or any day for that matter! What a pleasure it is to serve Him! So...now I need to go and find out what My Father is trying to teach me about my fears!

Don't Change History!

Have you ever been afraid? I mean gut wrenching afraid. My son has started having night terrors. He goes to sleep only to wake up an hour or so later screaming a blood curling scream, standing in the far corner of his bed holding onto his blanket and stuffed dog for dear life. He is disoriented and doesn't really know what is going on. All he knows and understands is that mommy or daddy are here now and everything is OK. Last night he would not go to bed. Every time we'd put him in bed he would scream and point to the shadows of his room. What could a 23 month old be so scared about? After placing an extra night light at the foot of his bed, I had no choice but to close the door and wish him sweet dreams. He cried for a few minutes and then went right to sleep. (Of course it was after 10pm so I know he was exhausted!)

There are all different kinds of fear. My first fearful memory happened when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was going to have a lemonade stand to try and earn money to buy myself a bike. I had spent the night with a friend and we stayed up all night making every kind of Kool-aid and homemade crafts to try and sell the next day. I'm sure we left her kitchen in a horrible mess! That morning, my friends mother told her she couldn't have a lemonade stand with me and she got in trouble for all the mess we had made.

I was in my parents front yard dragging up a table to the top of the driveway, when I saw a car. My parents live at the bottom of a court so you can see any car that drives by the top of the road. I saw a long Cadillac-ish looking car drive by the top of the court only to slam on its breaks and screech in reverse. It really caught my attention. The man drove down the court and smiled and waved at me. "Oh my first customer!" I thought. He pulled his car around in front of my neighbors bushes so you wouldn't be able to see him from my parents house. He got out of his car, opened the back door, left the engine running and drivers side door opened. He had long brown hair, tight blue jeans and big cowboy boots...he looked like he was tiptoeing in his boots on the road and he kept looking over his shoulder at my neighbors house. All of a sudden I thought,"Wait a minute, he can't know I'm having a lemonade stand. I don't have a sign or anything, all I have is a table." When he was about 2-3 feet away, he reached out to me and my instinct kicked in, I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me. I knew-he wasn't there to get lemonade, he was there to get me! I stood in my parents carport with my heart beating so fast. My dad came outside a minute later and told me how proud he was of me working so hard to get money. Then he looked at my face and he knew, something was wrong. He kept asking me what was wrong and all I could say was, "That man! That man!" and point to the top of the driveway. My dad put his arm around me and walked me up the driveway. The man was hiding in the bushes waiting for me to come back. He heard my dad's voice and jumped in his car and sped off. My dad ran to the top of the driveway and tried to get the license number, but couldn't. We had to call the police and my dad went out looking for his car (my dad is a police officer too). About two weeks later at the local elementary school up the road, a man with the same description and car I gave, had a child in his car and a teacher had to pull the child out of the passenger window! He never "got" anyone to my memory, but he was never caught either.

Its amazing what you remember. I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I can remember what that man looked like and what I felt like, after all these years. I used to have nightmares and dream of what could have happened. I remember the scariest thought to me was, "What if Katie or Jeb would have been out there, what would I have done?" My younger sister and brother were about 2 and 4 years old. They loved to walk up and talk to anybody. What if he would have taken them instead of me? As I grew older into an adult, I had vivid dreams of being abducted and thrown in the back of a trunk. One dream is so vivid it feels like it really happened. It's been a while since I've had one of those, but the fear of being kidnapped has trickled to my children now. I am so careful to not let Randol ride her bike while there are construction workers outside. I don't want her to go in a public bathroom by herself and she's 8! Can I be with her every second of the day? Of course not. That's when I have to tell myself, "Let go and let God. He loves her more than you ever could, Marion. He has her best interests at heart." The fear of that man taking me, was a healthy fear, it quite possibly could have saved my life. It's worrying over something that hasn't even happened yet, that fear, I have to let go of.

Another time that stands out in my mind of when I was truly afraid was when I was 21 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain. I knew I should have gone to the doctor, but refused and told myself it was nothing. The pain subsided, but never really went away. The next day I went on as normal, but by the afternoon I couldn't hide the fact that something was truly wrong. My stomach had started to expand and all of my clothes were tight. I couldn't walk or move. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced (worse than birthing my 3 children!) By the afternoon when I finally agreed to go to the doctor, the nurses asked me, "Oh honey, when is your due date?" because they thought I was there to have a baby because my stomach was so big. They did an ultra sound and saw blood was filling up my belly, but they didn't know why or what was wrong. I was poked and prodded and had so many tests done. They kept saying that they may have to do a hysterectomy.They were trying to warn me that my daughter may be the only child I ever had. Finally in sheer agony, laying in a hospital bed with doctors all around me looking at my chart, I started convulsing to the point I almost fell off the bed from shaking so hard. It was like a scene from ER, only it was real. They ran me down the hall and into surgery immediately, telling my loved ones they had no idea what was wrong or when I'd be out. I can still remember the relief I felt when they told me to breathe in so that I could go to sleep-finally. All afternoon I had been asking for pain medication, but they couldn't give it to me because they needed to know what hurt to help diagnose the problem.

I remember waking up seeing a bright, fuzzy light. For a moment, I thought I'd died and was about to wake up in heaven. There was a nurse beside me and I looked at her and asked, "Can I still have babies?" She kindly smiled and said, "Yes Dear, now go back to sleep." I fell into the deepest sleep knowing my future babies were safe and that I was finally not hurting anymore. I had an ovarian cyst that had burst and it was like a hose, flowing blood into my belly. They took out a liter of blood from my stomach and almost had to give me a blood transfusion to get blood back where it was supposed to be. They told me that if I would have come to the hospital just a few hours later, I would have internally bled to death.

That was a different kind of fear. Fear of never seeing my family again and fear of not being able to have more children. I didn't have nightmares after that episode of fear, but I could not watch ER for about two years without having flashbacks and wondering what had gone on while I was on the operating table.

There are all kinds of fear, fear of losing a loved one, fear of heights, fear of spiders (or roaches!), fear of the unknown; on and on they go. What are you afraid of? Is there anything that haunts your dreams or controls your actions? Often the things we fear, never even happen. Where does that fear come from? Does God make us afraid to climb a tall building or to let our children ride their bikes in the road? No...only the Father of Lies does that. The Bible says,"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7).

Satan uses our fears to control us. Have you ever felt God's calling, but were too afraid to do what He asked? There have a been a few times where I felt God telling me to tell someone something, but the words would not come out of my mouth. What if they reject me or think I'm crazy? What if I make a fool out of myself? And God gently whispers in my ear, "They rejected me and paraded me naked down the side of the street, but I did it all for you. Will you do this small task for me?" Sometimes I do, and sometimes before I get the chance, (from procrastination), the moment is gone and so is the opportunity. Things happen in our lives for a reason. God uses the situations in our lives to further His kingdom. Satan takes these life experiences and makes us dwell on them and live in fear, instead we should offer them up to Him and ask Him what He wishes us to do with them.

Fear. Such a small word, but such a huge impact it can have on our lives. When God gives us a mission, no matter how crazy it sounds, we will not fail. He did not give us the spirit of fear-it states that so clearly in the Bible. Don't let your fears hold you back from being who God wants you to be and from accomplishing His purposes for your life. You will miss out on so many blessings if you listen to Satan's lies. Imagine what would have happened if Noah would have been too afraid to build the ark, or Moses too afraid to free his people? What if he would have run for his life when he saw that burning bush instead of staying and getting the 10 commandments? What if Abraham was too afraid to set out up that mountain with Issac and questioned God to the point of disobeying? What if Mary would have said, "I'm too afraid to be your Son's mother. What will my family think of me if I'm pregnant?" What if the disciples were too afraid to follow Jesus? So many stories, I could go on and on. Just like these courageous men and women didn't let fear control their lives, we must do the same. You could change history if you don't follow through with God's mission for your life. What is God asking you to do for Him? Will you step out in fear...or in faith?

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"
Psalm 56:3-4