Wordless Wednesday: Foster is 2!

Then...
The New Big Sister...

A Year Ago...


Now...

My, how fast they grow!

Letting Go

Two years ago, I woke up on a morning such as this, only I was pregnant with my son Foster and due any day. I sat on my couch and wrote in my journal. I was so anxious and a little afraid of the whole labor process. I was scared of how a new baby was going to effect Randol after being an "only child" for so long. I was afraid for myself and this new responsibility. I questioned my mothering skills, wondering if I had what it took to have another child. I was worried about the timing, would my mom and my mother-in-law get to be at the hospital like they both wanted? Would Wesley be able to get out of work or what if he was in the courtroom and no one could tell him I was in labor? So many things running through my head. That morning, I gave them all to my Heavenly Father. I poured out my heart to Him and asked Him to forgive my silly thoughts and to relieve me of my anxiousness. I can still remember how relieved I felt after unloading my (silly) burden.

That night around midnight my contractions were so intense that we went to the hospital. Foster was born the next morning and he was by far my easiest labor! Everything I worried about-He took care of, better than I ever could have hoped for. I knew the Lord was with me. He was faithful. I took Him at His Word to hear my prayer and He did.

This morning I also feel discouraged-not over having a baby, but over life in general. A few things have happened lately that's hard for me to let go of. I tend to think of things and let them fester in my mind. I need to let go and realize-I cannot please everyone and there will always be some people who will not like me-no matter how hard I try.

And that's ok.

I have to realize that there are some situations that only God can fix. I need to let go and let Him work and quit running myself ragged to try and do it all myself. So, I come this morning with a heavy, but hopeful heart. I know my Redeemer lives and I know that it is what He thinks that matters more than any person here on earth. Just as He comforted and relieved my heavy heart two years ago, I know He can do the same this morning, I just have to let it go...

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful;

but heartache crushes the spirit."

~Proverbs 15:13

Just The Way I Am

Last night I was able to put on my husbands favorite black dress with the spaghetti straps and my open toed high heels. I walked into the living room and he actually whistled! He looked at me and said, "Marion, you are so beautiful!" and he said it not just with his words, but also with his eyes. In that moment that's exactly how I felt-beautiful. It didn't matter what anyone else thought, I knew he adored me. I am blessed to be married to a man who tries on a regular basis to tell me how much he loves me. I hear other husbands tell their wives they are fat or they wished their wife looked more like some celebrity or they want them to dye their hair a certain color, on and on I could go. If you are one of these types of men-please stop next time you even come close to saying something like that. You have no idea what it will do to a woman's heart and self esteem.

I have noticed that no matter how young or old we women get, we all want to be found beautiful. My daughter started very young and still asks my husband, "Daddy, do you think I look pretty?" or "Do you like my outfit?" which I keep telling him, means the same thing. She is seeking his approval. When my Gramma was alive she'd always say, "Make sure you have lipstick on or you'll look like you're dead!" and she always made sure she had her lipstick on! It made her feel beautiful. My (great-grandmother) Granny was in her 80's when she passed away. When she was alive, I always made a point to comment on her outfit, telling her she looked beautiful. Her eyes would light up and she'd tell me where she bought it, getting as excited as a teenager talking about a recent shopping trip to the mall. The other week, I was at church and there were two women, one in her twenties and one in her fifties who were talking about what they were wearing for church. Both wishing they were skinnier and both complained of having to find something they felt good in to wear to church. Though many years apart, they were the same in how they felt.

I have this philosophy, if you feel bad in what you are wearing-change you're clothes. You're whole mannerisms show up in how you feel on the inside. Last night I felt beautiful. I felt confident (but not overly confident-I was still checking my lipstick every five minutes in the car before we got to our destination!) and so I was more at ease with my surroundings. There are other days (like this morning) where its cold outside and I have nothing to wear and I know whatever I do wear, I'm going to feel crummy in.

We live in such a materialistic world. There are thousands of different wrinkle creams and self tanners. People dye their hair and walk around with perfectly manicured fingernails and toe nails. We spend a fortune on our clothes and shoes making sure we look right. I'm not saying any of this is wrong. I use self tanners every once in a while, I'd go get a manicure/pedicure of I had the time and money and I know one day-I will dye my hair to get rid of the grey and I will use wrinkle cream! :-)

Last night as I basked in the adoration of my husband, I thought, "How any times do I bask in the glow of my Lord?" How many times do I seek His approval over the approval of man? If my heart is right with Him-He finds me beautiful all the time, no matter what clothes I'm wearing or if I have a pimple on my face or if I'm having a bad hair day. He looks down from heaven and says, "Wow, You sure are beautiful!"

Think about that for a moment, the God of the universe, the maker of heaven and earth finds you beautiful. It's almost hard to let that one sink in or to even try to comprehend it. Whenever I get hard on myself looking and wishing there was something I could change about the way I am made, I remind myself- I was created in His image. He made me the way I am for a purpose. Whenever I wish I was skinnier or prettier or whatever-I am insulting Him. I am insulting the time and effort He put in to create me just the way I am. There is a reason we are not all built the same. We are each unique. If He puts as much time and effort into making each and every snowflake different-think of the time and effort He put into making you! Each of our hairs are numbered, our fingerprints are unlike anyone elses, He knows you better than you know yourself.

Don't ever forget-you are dearly loved and you are deeply adored by your Heavenly Father. And He made you perfect-just the way you are!

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."

~Jeremiah 1:5a

F-A-L-L Is In The Air!

Can I just say, I L-O-V-E this cool, fall weather! Yesterday I turned off the air and opened all the windows. My children played in the backyard most of the afternoon. I even cooked in my kitchen and didn't get hot because of the cool breeze flowing in my kitchen windows. Granted, the weatherman says this cool weather may be gone by tomorrow, but what can you expect living in the South!

There is something exciting about the weather changing, no matter what season it is. When I start to feel the cool air, I know that Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming soon. I know that there will be many days of sipping hot chocolate and snuggling under heavy blankets. I know that coffee will smell even better in the mornings. I know that hot, beef stew and pot roast with carrots and potatoes will be added to my weekly menu. I don't have to worry about sweating or going outside and smelling like "yard" (as my friend Shannon says) when I come back inside. Saturday mornings feel so much sweeter, getting to stay in the warm bed for a few minutes longer than normal. My husband won't have to spend his day off, cutting our grass (that's why he loves this time of year!) I know cute pictures of kids in hats and rosy cheeks with big smiles is a given. I know I'll get to enjoy watching my Lords beautiful color palette as the colors change from green to red and orange to brown. I know Fantasy in Lights at Callaway Gardens might be in our future. I think of big fires in my fireplace as my family and I sit around playing cards or Sorry or Life with Randol. In a way it feels like the end of an era and the start of a new one. You can start to feel the excitement in the air of knowing the holidays are coming soon. It is such a great time to be alive!

Have you ever thought about why the weather changes and the sun goes down sooner at night time? Why the grass all dies and most animals are missing from your yard? Is it a coincidence? Does it happen by chance? Is it apart of some weird ecological goof?

It is all apart of His big plan. The seasons have been changing since Noah in Genesis.

"As long as the earth endures,

seed time and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease."

Genesis 8:22

God is still on the throne. He is still in control of not just the weather, but of the happenings of our lives. The next time you feel that cool breeze on your face or watch the golden leaves trickle down from the tree tops, remember-He is in control. All of those things are happening because He wills it. He loves to show off His glory! I just pray I don't miss it!

This Little Light of Mine

Last night my hubby and I watched our new favorite show-Hero's. It is one of those kinds of shows that has just enough surprises to make you watch the next week. It sometimes ends a little creepy (I guess is the word). I am not one to be afraid of the dark, but whenever I watch something (creepy) right before I go to bed, I have a hard time falling asleep in my dark room!

Last night as I lay there, listening to my husbands soft breathing and staring at the ceiling, I thought about how different my room looks in the dark. Shadows are cast along the walls and its hard to see where everything is. You start to hear noises and wonder what they are. Things don't appear the same way they do in the light.

Remember when you were a child and you had to get up to go to the bathroom? You'd run to get there (making sure the boogie man under your bed didn't get you first!) and you'd turn on the light. All of a sudden it wasn't so scary anymore.

I realized last night, that is how the world is all the time. People are suffering from addiction, depression, anger, frustration, on and on I could go. They live in fear. They can't just run to the bathroom and turn on the light because the light they need must come from within. They can't dodge the boogie man under their bed because surely satan has already attached himself to their backs and they just can't shake him.

We are their only hope. We are here to bring them closer to the One True Light-the only One who can defeat their enemy.

So often I don't hide my light under a bush (as the song goes), but under busyness, under lack of patience or under anything else that makes me forget-I am light. You can lose your whole testimony by a single word, standing in the pharmacy line, being impatient. The world is watching and waiting for you to mess up. Satan is on the prowl hanging on for dear life to the necks of those around you, whispering in their ear, "Look at her-and she says she's a christian! She's no different than you!" We must not forget to let our light shine. Our role is so vital to this important adventure we are in.

Can they see it? Can they see your light as you pump your gas or as you pay for your groceries? Is it shining as you wait at the red light or get handed another long assignment? It is your light that will draw them closer to shaking the devil on their back. It is your light that will bring them closer to the One who can save them from the depths of hell. Your light...so go...let your light shine!

"You are the salt of the earth.
But if the salt loses its saltiness,
how can it be made salty again?
It is no longer good for anything,
except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
You are the light of the world.
A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp

and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand
and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way,

let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good deeds
and praise your Father in heaven."
~Matthew 5:13-16

Did You See Him?

I have this weird habit of writing on my calendar what all I did each day; what errands I ran, what I cooked for dinner, what we watched on TV that night etc. Sometimes I don't have time or I forget and when I look back, I see a blank spot for that day. I feel like I lost a day, like it didn't count. The days go by so fast, its hard to remember how I fill them! Our lives are not made up of vacations and weekends. We spend the majority of our lives in the mundane, Monday thru Friday, everyday errands of life.

Do you try and wait until everything is quiet and there is nothing to do-to talk to God? Do you find that you never find that quiet time to seek Him? I've got news for you my friend-if that's the only time you're looking for God...you'll be looking for a lifetime. There will always be one more thing to finish, one more phone call to make.

You don't have to wait for that perfect, quiet moment to find Him. God is in everything and is everywhere.

He's in that hot cup of coffee you drank as you sat and tried to relax before your roller coaster of a day began. He was right behind you as you took out your trash. He's in the car that got you to work this morning and that kept your children safe on their way to school. He's in the gas line as you wait to fill up your tank.

God was in the board meeting where you were upset over the outcome of your conference call. He was at the stop light that made you wait three times for it to turn green for it to be your turn to go. He was at McDonald's as you picked up your lunch. God's in the grocery store as you anxiously wait for some teenage cashier to hurry up and ring up your items.

God is in the pick up line as you get your children from school. He is in the pictures your child colored at school. He is in your child's smile as he or she tells you about their day. He's with you as you run off to football practice or ballet or whatever new activity your child is into. He is there at your kitchen table as you eat dinner with your family.

God is in the soft, creamy ice cream you eat as a treat after your long day. He's there at bath time and for wet kisses as you put your children down for bed. He is in your husbands embrace as you cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.

Did you see Him...did you feel His touch today? Or were you too busy and you missed it? All day long, from sunrise to sunset He's been watching and waiting to show you how special you are to Him....how loved you are.

He'll be there tomorrow when your alarm clock goes off and you start another day...don't miss Him. I promise you He is there!

"You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord."

~ Psalm 139:2-5

God-Sized Prayers

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait in expectation."

~Psalm 5:3

This morning I came across this verse and it stood out to me. How many times do I pray...and then wait...expectantly? I usually pray...and then pause...and then go about trying to "fix" things myself. I once heard that you should pray-knowing and believing God will answer your requests. He doesn't always give you the answer that you want, but you should have faith that He can. I struggle with this a lot. Maybe it is my controlling nature, I don't know. I find myself praying all throughout my day over little things, but I often pray for small outcomes--not God sized outcomes. I will pray that God will get Wesley through his day, instead of praying for Him to open the window to a new job that is conformed to what Wesley wants. I will pray for symptoms (Help with the ache in her back) instead of complete healing (Remove this pain and heal her body completely). There is a BIG difference. How much faith do I have in my prayers and in my God?

God wants to bring about His glory through us. In order to do that, we must have the faith to pray for things only God can deliver. We must believe that He is who He says He is. He is the Alpha, the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Nothing can get to us until it goes through Him first-even Satan has to ask His permission to roam the earth. He raised people from the dead and calmed the worst of storms. He fed thousands of people out of a few loaves of bread and a few fish. He opened a donkey's mouth and spoke out of it. He parted the Red Sea and people walked on dry land. He opened the wombs of many women and gave them children after years of being barren. He took all of my sins and scattered them as far as the east is from the west. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Man...how can I not believe...and wait...expectantly?

My Little Soldier

I have to admit, lately all I feel is tired. Tired of laundry, tired of changing diapers, tired of cooking dinner and picking up toys. I could keep going, but you catch my drift. Once 8 o'clock hits, I'm tired of being "Mommy". All I want is to sit, in peace and quiet and do what I want to do. It's hard for me to admit this because of how unbelievably selfish it sounds, but if I'm honest, its truly how I've been feeling. This afternoon, an unusual thing happenned-both my boys took naps at the same time. It was actually quiet in my living room. My tiredness was rewarded in such a way that I am not worthy.

Today, the Lord reminded me just how important it is to be a mother. The angels sang and God smiled as my sweet Randol asked Jesus into her heart, on our couch, holding my hands. There were tears in both our eyes as I squashed the urge to cry out in excitement. I knew when I looked in those eyes that this was for real. I knew that one day, no matter what our futures held, I'd see my baby girl in heaven one day. Ahh, blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

I have been praying for her for so long. We have had so many good talks. She asks questions, Wesley and I answer. She's been so close, for so long. I have prayed, I have worried and I have agonized over her salvation. For God to let me be there, holding her hand, looking into her sweet face and sharing in her joy, it was better than I could have ever asked for, better than I deserve. I thank Him so much for such a gift.

This was a huge decision that she must make on her own, with no pressure. As Wesley said today, it is the biggest decision she will ever make in her whole life; bigger than what you want to be when you grow up or who you're going to marry. To follow Christ is a life long decision.

Today God reminded me that it doesn't matter if I did laundry all day and I'm still not finished or that my living room looks like a daycare. It doesn't matter if I'm still in my pajamas from this morning and its after 9 pm. All that does matter, is that I am building soldiers for Christ. Day by day, prayer by prayer, I'll stay the course and I'll keep praying I am the mother I am supposed to be. This is more important than any job, any deadline or any appointment. We can't leave it up to the Sunday School teacher or the preacher to tell our children about Christ. It is our job. We are the constant light our young children see that will either draw them closer to Christ-or farther away from Him. Stay vigilant, stay the course and keep praying for your children. No prayer goes unnoticed or unheard.

I know that this is only the beginning. Randol has a long road ahead of her, but now I know He'll be there to carry her along no matter what comes her way. My body may still feel tired, but my spirit is strong and re-focused on the "main thing" of raising children. Today...my cup runneth over.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
~Deuteronomy 6:5-7

A Tribute To All Mom's!

These both come from different emails other moms sent to me. They encouraged me, made me laugh and I thought every mom out there should see them. I DID NOT write the following piece. I'm not sure who did, but I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

God Bless, Marion

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To My Friend, with Admiration for the Greatness of what you are Building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there!"

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Duh!

Yesterday I wrote about fear (see post below). Last night I sat down to read my Bible Study and do you want to know what one of the last questions in my study guide said?

Underneath our sin is a deep fear. What are you most afraid of?

I didn't know when I started yesterday's post, where it was going to go and I certainly didn't think this weeks chapters in Captivating were going to even touch on fear. I love when God does that. He aligns what I am studying in the Bible, or in Sunday School with something else. Have you ever run across a verse in your quiet time, only to discuss it in worship and then it gets trickled into a book you may be reading or a friend tells it to you to comfort you? That's God. He works like that. Telling us over and over again until we finally get it.

Yesterday the Lord kept bringing a sweet friend of mine to my mind. I thought a lot about her most of the day. I finally asked myself, "Why do I keep thinking about her?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks-"HELLO MARION!!!! You are supposed to be praying for her!" I have no idea what is going on in her life, but I did know, that God wanted me to pray for her.

He speaks to us in so many ways. I am so thankful that He did not give up on me yesterday or any day for that matter! What a pleasure it is to serve Him! So...now I need to go and find out what My Father is trying to teach me about my fears!

Don't Change History!

Have you ever been afraid? I mean gut wrenching afraid. My son has started having night terrors. He goes to sleep only to wake up an hour or so later screaming a blood curling scream, standing in the far corner of his bed holding onto his blanket and stuffed dog for dear life. He is disoriented and doesn't really know what is going on. All he knows and understands is that mommy or daddy are here now and everything is OK. Last night he would not go to bed. Every time we'd put him in bed he would scream and point to the shadows of his room. What could a 23 month old be so scared about? After placing an extra night light at the foot of his bed, I had no choice but to close the door and wish him sweet dreams. He cried for a few minutes and then went right to sleep. (Of course it was after 10pm so I know he was exhausted!)

There are all different kinds of fear. My first fearful memory happened when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was going to have a lemonade stand to try and earn money to buy myself a bike. I had spent the night with a friend and we stayed up all night making every kind of Kool-aid and homemade crafts to try and sell the next day. I'm sure we left her kitchen in a horrible mess! That morning, my friends mother told her she couldn't have a lemonade stand with me and she got in trouble for all the mess we had made.

I was in my parents front yard dragging up a table to the top of the driveway, when I saw a car. My parents live at the bottom of a court so you can see any car that drives by the top of the road. I saw a long Cadillac-ish looking car drive by the top of the court only to slam on its breaks and screech in reverse. It really caught my attention. The man drove down the court and smiled and waved at me. "Oh my first customer!" I thought. He pulled his car around in front of my neighbors bushes so you wouldn't be able to see him from my parents house. He got out of his car, opened the back door, left the engine running and drivers side door opened. He had long brown hair, tight blue jeans and big cowboy boots...he looked like he was tiptoeing in his boots on the road and he kept looking over his shoulder at my neighbors house. All of a sudden I thought,"Wait a minute, he can't know I'm having a lemonade stand. I don't have a sign or anything, all I have is a table." When he was about 2-3 feet away, he reached out to me and my instinct kicked in, I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me. I knew-he wasn't there to get lemonade, he was there to get me! I stood in my parents carport with my heart beating so fast. My dad came outside a minute later and told me how proud he was of me working so hard to get money. Then he looked at my face and he knew, something was wrong. He kept asking me what was wrong and all I could say was, "That man! That man!" and point to the top of the driveway. My dad put his arm around me and walked me up the driveway. The man was hiding in the bushes waiting for me to come back. He heard my dad's voice and jumped in his car and sped off. My dad ran to the top of the driveway and tried to get the license number, but couldn't. We had to call the police and my dad went out looking for his car (my dad is a police officer too). About two weeks later at the local elementary school up the road, a man with the same description and car I gave, had a child in his car and a teacher had to pull the child out of the passenger window! He never "got" anyone to my memory, but he was never caught either.

Its amazing what you remember. I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I can remember what that man looked like and what I felt like, after all these years. I used to have nightmares and dream of what could have happened. I remember the scariest thought to me was, "What if Katie or Jeb would have been out there, what would I have done?" My younger sister and brother were about 2 and 4 years old. They loved to walk up and talk to anybody. What if he would have taken them instead of me? As I grew older into an adult, I had vivid dreams of being abducted and thrown in the back of a trunk. One dream is so vivid it feels like it really happened. It's been a while since I've had one of those, but the fear of being kidnapped has trickled to my children now. I am so careful to not let Randol ride her bike while there are construction workers outside. I don't want her to go in a public bathroom by herself and she's 8! Can I be with her every second of the day? Of course not. That's when I have to tell myself, "Let go and let God. He loves her more than you ever could, Marion. He has her best interests at heart." The fear of that man taking me, was a healthy fear, it quite possibly could have saved my life. It's worrying over something that hasn't even happened yet, that fear, I have to let go of.

Another time that stands out in my mind of when I was truly afraid was when I was 21 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain. I knew I should have gone to the doctor, but refused and told myself it was nothing. The pain subsided, but never really went away. The next day I went on as normal, but by the afternoon I couldn't hide the fact that something was truly wrong. My stomach had started to expand and all of my clothes were tight. I couldn't walk or move. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced (worse than birthing my 3 children!) By the afternoon when I finally agreed to go to the doctor, the nurses asked me, "Oh honey, when is your due date?" because they thought I was there to have a baby because my stomach was so big. They did an ultra sound and saw blood was filling up my belly, but they didn't know why or what was wrong. I was poked and prodded and had so many tests done. They kept saying that they may have to do a hysterectomy.They were trying to warn me that my daughter may be the only child I ever had. Finally in sheer agony, laying in a hospital bed with doctors all around me looking at my chart, I started convulsing to the point I almost fell off the bed from shaking so hard. It was like a scene from ER, only it was real. They ran me down the hall and into surgery immediately, telling my loved ones they had no idea what was wrong or when I'd be out. I can still remember the relief I felt when they told me to breathe in so that I could go to sleep-finally. All afternoon I had been asking for pain medication, but they couldn't give it to me because they needed to know what hurt to help diagnose the problem.

I remember waking up seeing a bright, fuzzy light. For a moment, I thought I'd died and was about to wake up in heaven. There was a nurse beside me and I looked at her and asked, "Can I still have babies?" She kindly smiled and said, "Yes Dear, now go back to sleep." I fell into the deepest sleep knowing my future babies were safe and that I was finally not hurting anymore. I had an ovarian cyst that had burst and it was like a hose, flowing blood into my belly. They took out a liter of blood from my stomach and almost had to give me a blood transfusion to get blood back where it was supposed to be. They told me that if I would have come to the hospital just a few hours later, I would have internally bled to death.

That was a different kind of fear. Fear of never seeing my family again and fear of not being able to have more children. I didn't have nightmares after that episode of fear, but I could not watch ER for about two years without having flashbacks and wondering what had gone on while I was on the operating table.

There are all kinds of fear, fear of losing a loved one, fear of heights, fear of spiders (or roaches!), fear of the unknown; on and on they go. What are you afraid of? Is there anything that haunts your dreams or controls your actions? Often the things we fear, never even happen. Where does that fear come from? Does God make us afraid to climb a tall building or to let our children ride their bikes in the road? No...only the Father of Lies does that. The Bible says,"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7).

Satan uses our fears to control us. Have you ever felt God's calling, but were too afraid to do what He asked? There have a been a few times where I felt God telling me to tell someone something, but the words would not come out of my mouth. What if they reject me or think I'm crazy? What if I make a fool out of myself? And God gently whispers in my ear, "They rejected me and paraded me naked down the side of the street, but I did it all for you. Will you do this small task for me?" Sometimes I do, and sometimes before I get the chance, (from procrastination), the moment is gone and so is the opportunity. Things happen in our lives for a reason. God uses the situations in our lives to further His kingdom. Satan takes these life experiences and makes us dwell on them and live in fear, instead we should offer them up to Him and ask Him what He wishes us to do with them.

Fear. Such a small word, but such a huge impact it can have on our lives. When God gives us a mission, no matter how crazy it sounds, we will not fail. He did not give us the spirit of fear-it states that so clearly in the Bible. Don't let your fears hold you back from being who God wants you to be and from accomplishing His purposes for your life. You will miss out on so many blessings if you listen to Satan's lies. Imagine what would have happened if Noah would have been too afraid to build the ark, or Moses too afraid to free his people? What if he would have run for his life when he saw that burning bush instead of staying and getting the 10 commandments? What if Abraham was too afraid to set out up that mountain with Issac and questioned God to the point of disobeying? What if Mary would have said, "I'm too afraid to be your Son's mother. What will my family think of me if I'm pregnant?" What if the disciples were too afraid to follow Jesus? So many stories, I could go on and on. Just like these courageous men and women didn't let fear control their lives, we must do the same. You could change history if you don't follow through with God's mission for your life. What is God asking you to do for Him? Will you step out in fear...or in faith?

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"
Psalm 56:3-4

Don't Replace-Supplement!

I am a big lover of ladies Bible Study. I love to get a new book and hear it crack as I open it to clean, smooth pages. All the while I know that in a few weeks the pages will be crinkled and paragraph's will be underlined and notes will be in the margins. I love to write what I hope to get out of the study or what is troubling my heart at that moment and then go back after many weeks of study and growing closer to the Lord to see how my heart has been changed. This Sunday, the ladies in my Sunday School class will start our study of Captivating by John and Stasi Elderedge. It is a book my husband got me for Christmas last year. I fell in love with it! About a month or so ago, sitting at Jason's Deli with a few of the women in my SS, the topic of ladies bible study came up. We had done a study last Fall and it really drew our class together. We started discussing how there was a need to do another one. I went home thinking about Captivating and how I'd love to study it again. Later, I brushed it off and thought I didn't have enough time to do something like that right now.


A few weeks ago a close friend of mine called and told me how much she really needed to be in the Word and learning and studying with other believers. She works in the nursery and doesn't have the opportunity to be in a SS class. I could feel the longing in her soul and it grabbed a hold of me. I prayed about it after I got off the phone with her and I knew-it was time. God opened the door and told me to go ahead and start putting it together. After alot of prayer and planning and help from so many other people, we start meeting this Sunday!


While we were at the beach I re-read some of the book and started planning our first meeting. This week I have been talking to a few of the ladies and decided to re-structure how I was going to lead it. I started getting nervous, second guessing myself. Yesterday as I sat down to go over everything one more time I felt such a need to get on my knees and pray for these women and for our study. I stopped what I was doing and knelt beside my couch and let all my doubts and worries over my ability to lead, go. Afterwards I knew-God had something awesome in mind. I prayed that we would accomplish His agenda and His purposes.


I also read another book while we were at the beach, called Uncharted by Angela Hunt. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is a fiction story that has spiritual symbolism that will leave you thinking about it long after you read it. It really makes you step back and take a look at how you are living your life. It reminded me that even if I don't commit a sin, thinking about it is just as bad. It moved me so much that I had Wesley read it. It is a very fast and easy read. He finished it last night and we had a long talk about alot of the spiritual things it talks about. I was happy to find that he enjoyed it just as much as I did.


Anything that you read that brings you closer to the Lord-is a good thing, whether that is a bible study book or a fiction book, but it cannot replace our time in reading the Word. It is so easy (due mainly to limited time), to replace reading the Bible with these types of books. The other night Wesley and I were talking about this and he said, "Those books are good Marion, but in order to have that relationship with Christ, we must read the Word. If there was another way God would have said, "Read the Bible and read this other book." He didn't-He said the Bible is a lamp unto our feet and the light unto our path. It is living and breathing, while those other books are not." I had never thought about it like that before. I have been trying to make more of an effort to dive into the Word and then supplement with these other types of books.

I encourage you to get involved in a bible study-whether you are man or woman. Even if it is with just one other person or buying a "Read the Bible in one year" series. I also found out that Beth Moore has a series that is a 90 day journal, one is about David and a new one is about Jesus. I have heard from others who have done it, that they are awesome! I am asking my husband for that this Christmas! Find something-anything that will get your spiritual wheels turning and that will bring you closer to Christ-but don't replace reading His Word with those other books. So often I will read a bible study book and then open my Bible and the words He gives me coincide with what I just read. I love the way God works like that! So...get out there, find something and dive into His Word all over again. You won't be sorry. He will rock your world!

Reflecting

Vacationing with small children...I don't know if it should still be called a "vacation" its more like "the-same-stress-just-at-the-beach" trip! Don't get me wrong-we had a wonderful time, but all the things you associate with a "vacation" just didn't happen. We are homebodies who would rather not take the chance of having crying kids in a restaurant or store so we avoid those situations. I left the condo four times in ten days-three times to go to the grocery store and one time to take Randol shopping. Sleeping in and catching up on much needed rest-didn't happen! Foster slept in a big bed (versus a crib) and therefore felt it was his duty to wake up the household (and probably those people on the floor below us) between 5 and 6 am! Our "family time" at the beach everyday lasted as long as Will slept in the sling and until Foster had had enough and was ready to go back upstairs (which was usually an hour or two).


Letting go of all those tiny details-so many good things did come out of our trip! Randol got alot of one-on-one time with Wesley and I-something our other children probably won't get on future vacations. Wesley would take her way out in the waves and help her build sand castles, while I was up in the condo with the boys. I would take her to the pool or looking for seashells while Wesley was with the boys napping upstairs. We told her silly stories of when we were kids at the beach. It's amazing how much your children will tell you when you really listen and focus just on them.

My husband and I drew even closer on this trip-NOT because we had a lot of “alone time” actually it’s because of quite the opposite. Wesley even said one afternoon, “What ever happened to us sitting on the beach, holding hands while we watch the waves come in?” I just laughed! We’ll get those days back, but not for a long time! Instead, we were in survival mode, trying to make it through the day amidst sandy hands and lots of baths and cranky kids-together. We were a team, trying to ensure that we all had a good time and that we didn’t lose our minds in the process! I once heard a speaker say that raising small children is all about survival. It is just making it through the day without broken bones or losing your sanity; one day at a time, moment by moment.

I was also blessed to have a little time to myself. I love to ask God when He's going to "show up". I know He is here, all around me, all the time, but I mean one of those "WOW" moments when you know-you are in His presence. It doesn't have to be something big-it can be small. Last year when we were there, I saw three starfish in the water. I was fascinated and I knew-God sent them for me to enjoy.

By the end of our trip I hadn't had a "Wow" moment yet and I was starting to get disappointed. I thought maybe it had come and gone and I'd missed it. I would search the beach for another starfish or sand dollar. I was trying to figure God out and create situations where He'd reach out to me. I was so wrong to do that! The day before we left, Foster woke us up early again. I walked out on the deck and I was blown away by the most beautiful sunrise. It was breathe taking, better than any painting I'd seen. I knew then-He'd saved the best for last. He knew I had been searching for Him; He was waiting to catch me off guard. Seeing that amazing sky made me wonder what it looked like on my Gramma's side of heaven. The Bible says the heavens will declare His glory and boy did they ever!

Going to Myrtle Beach is more than just a vacation spot to me, so many memories of my childhood rest there. My Gramma Nance's brother and his wife own the condo. When I was in elementary school, her brother went to live in Germany because of the military and for many years let my grandparents live there. I dug in the same sand and walked along the same beach my children now run and play in. I grew up having summer romances and going shopping and spending special times with my Gramma. I remember her putting on makeup and smiling at me saying, "One day when I get old, make sure I don't put on too much makeup because I can't see what I'm doing! Promise me you won't let me walk around looking like a clown!" It seems like only yesterday she was painting my fingernails, but in reality she's been gone for two and a half years now. My Grandpa used to cook us ribs and walk along the beach with a metal detector. We'd fight over who got to go with him because he'd let us keep the treasures he found. Going to the beach was more of a reunion than anything else. My moms sister always lived far away because my uncle was in the military. We would drive up to Myrtle Beach and she'd drive down from New York or Michigan with my three cousins and we'd meet there and spend a glorious week together. We would cram twelve or so people in that tiny two bedroom condo! I'm sure we drove my Grandpa crazy, but we didn't notice!

I never imagined then, that I'd get to return one day with my own children and without my Gramma. Time flies so fast. Now my children will have special memories of a place that will always live on in my mind. I can always feel my Gramma's spirit when I'm there. She loved that place so much. If the gate to heaven is made out of only one pearl, I wonder what the beaches look like! I can see her walking along those celestial shores with the wind blowing in her hair and the seagulls flying over her head. I bet her house is built right there along the shore. In moments like this I miss her so much.

Yeah, it was a wonderful trip and a wonderful break. I know Randol will never forget it, neither will I. We are so blessed that my great aunt and uncle let us go. There is no way we'd be able to afford a trip like that right now! The Lord blesses us so much. I will treasure those days in my heart forever. I know without a doubt Wesley and I will look back and laugh again over so many silly things that happened. For instance, our first day at the beach I envisioned Will sleeping under the umbrella and me and Wesley basking in the sun, holding hands, while Randol and Foster played. It was so windy that day, that before we knew it, we are chasing the umbrella down the beach and every time we'd almost get it, the wind would pull it a little further away. It was like playing chase with the wind. When we finally got it back and walked back to the rest of our stuff, the wind got a hold of one of our chairs and we are once again running down the beach chasing a hot pink beach chair! I wish I could've seen us from afar-I bet we looked so funny!

On the car trip home, just before our stopping point to eat lunch, the kids were all asleep. We decided to seize the moment and keep driving-bad idea! Just as soon as we got out of the big city and were in the middle of no where, the boys wake up and start crying and Randol keeps reminding me its past lunchtime and she's hungry. It was mad chaos in a matter of minutes. We were hoping to eat at Arby's, but at that moment-all that mattered was not what we ate, only that we stopped! Wesley looked at me and said, "At the next exit, lets stop no matter what food they have!" We sealed our fate with that statement. As I'm telling the kids we are about to stop, we see the "Food" sign on the highway...yep you guessed it. It said "US Truck stop 24 Hour Buffet"! We both died laughing and told roadkill jokes all the way to the next exit where God blessed our patience and provided an Arby's! Life is ironic like that sometimes! Man am I glad to have someone to share my life with. I cannot imagine taking this journey without my Wesley.

Well, it has taken me all day to write this because of all that is going on! Whew! I'm tired! I hope you enjoy hearing about our trip and I didn't bore you too much! Now...on to the next adventure!

Missing You!

Oh my goodness! I cannot tell you how much I have missed you all! You may not know, but my family was on vacation for ten days in Myrtle Beach, SC. I wrote some posts before we left and emailed them to my sister, Katie and told her how to post for me while I was gone. (Thanks so much Kate!) We just got back Saturday and I went to the computer to check my email and what would you know-my internet was down! I was so crushed! I just got it back about an hour ago. Thank goodness! You don't realize how much you depend on something until it's gone! Anyway...I just wanted to let you know we are back and I will try and post later tonight or tomorrow morning. If you emailed me while I was gone-I will be getting back to you as soon as I can! We had a blast (I'll tell you more soon), but I'm glad to be back!

A Look of Love

“Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
“One thing you lack,” he said “Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the mans face fell. He went away sad, because he knew he had great wealth.”
~Matthew 10:20-22

Jesus knew the man wouldn’t do what he said, but He looked at him and loved him anyway. He wanted the rich man to give up the one thing that was holding him back from having an intimate relationship with Him.

Jesus does that everyday to us. He looks at us with love and knows we will choose our own way, yet He still yearns for a loving relationship with us. What would Jesus tell you to give up? What is it that holds you back from being who God wants you to be? Is it fear or doubt? Maybe it’s no time and too much to do. It could be anger or resentment of something that happened in your past. It could be too much money, like the man in this story. Maybe you’re not ready to give up control, to be the follower and no longer in charge of your life.

Whatever it is-Jesus looks at you and loves you. He longs to be close to you and to have a loving, intimate relationship with you. He doesn’t want to be some “Being up in the sky,” who looks down with anger to judge every small thing you do. He wants to be your loving, caring, Father…if you’ll only let Him.

(I took this from my journal dated April 7, 2003. My issue then was letting go of fear and control of my future. I am so glad I did!)

Suit Up!

WOW, six years ago people were getting up, driving to work, sending their kids on the school bus, going about their normal lives. They had no idea what lay ahead for them, no idea that the whole world was about to change forever.

September 11, 2001.
It’s more of a statement, than a date isn’t it? I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to be in those tall towers, knowing you were never going to get out. I don’t know what it was like to get that phone call from your spouse telling you goodbye. There is so much tragedy in this world, so much evil all around us. It’s a wonder we can stand at all.

We are at war-right now and I’m not talking about the Middle East. Turn around; there he is-the enemy has come into your home, tempting you, your children and your spouse. He is in the airwaves and coming through the TV screen, infiltrating our minds. He tells us, we are not worthy enough-that God could never love a person like you. He makes us lust for what we cannot have, covet our neighbors belongings and makes us so downright busy that we don’t have time to put on our armor or gather our weapons. We are defenseless; Sheep led to the wolves for the slaughter. We are standing in an open battle field with nothing but the clothes on our backs to protect us.

So do you have what you need? If you knew the enemy was coming straight for you and your children, wouldn’t you do what was necessary to protect yourselves? You would make sure you had the right tools, the right weapons, the right training and the right protective gear to keep you safe.

Don’t hesitate; don’t wait…he’s there in your living room as you read this-are you armed and ready for battle?

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
~Ephesians 6:11-12

“Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
~1 Peter 5:8

(Here's a picture I took of our condo where we put out an American Flag to commemorate the day)

Integrity

I once read a quote that said, "Integrity is how you act when no one else is looking". We can put on a show for other people, but not with God. He sees us straight to our core. He knows our intentions, our reasoning's and our motives. I want to leave a lasting impression of His glory so that when others look at me, they don’t see me at all-they see His reflection in me. That's the whole purpose of this life isn't it?

“May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.”
~Psalm 25:21

Food for Thought

A few Sunday’s ago we had a guest pastor come and preach. At the very end of his sermon he told our congregation,

"I leave praying that you will obey God in some area of your life that makes no sense to anyone else and that scares you to death!"

WOW- if that doesn’t get your wheels turnin’ I don’t know what will! I can’t get it out of my mind-what area of my life am I doing that? Obeying without thought or regard for myself, following with no questions asked, having faith as small as a mustard seed to follow and obey my King-no matter what! That’s so tough to do, but boy is it worth it! I’ll have to keep praying that He will show me the way.

Like a Child

Last Wednesday I ran into some adorable first graders. These weren't just your typical kind of first graders. You could tell by first glance that life had already dealt them a tough hand. As I stood there and talked with them, my heart ached for them. I ached that their lives would be more simple, more "normal" (whatever normal means). I wished that they could just worry about playing on the playground and finishing up their homework that night, instead they had more "adult kind" of worries. I'm hungry, will there be something for me to eat when I leave here? Why does my mom cry all the time? Why is my daddy in jail and will I ever see him again? Things no child should ever have on their minds.


I wanted to stay with these children and make sure that the other kids in their AWANA class were nice to them and included them. Most of all, I wanted to shelter them and protect them from life's harshness. I cannot tell you what a physical ache I felt.


As I watched them go into their class and saw their eyes light up at the puppet show that was going on, I realized, that's how God feels about us. He wants us to run to His almighty arms and crawl up into His huge lap and let Him protect us from life's harshness. We tend to complicate things and forget that the God of the universe-loves US! He wants to take care of US! We are called His children! What an amazing God we serve! How unworthy we are, yet He continues to love us anyway.

You Never Know

I had to go to Wal-mart tonight for the second time this week (and its only Tuesday). I'm standing in an incredibly long line in the pharmacy and I can't help but watch people and listen to my surroundings. All around me there are people waiting like me, only they are on cell phones talking to someone to pass the time away. The lady in front of me was talking to her teenage child, asking him if he's made lunches for him and his sister for the morning. She described how to cut up onions and how much mayo to use to make tuna salad. She talked about how much more he's going to have to study this year and how things are going to be different from last year.

The lady behind me was telling her friend about how she had to take care of someone who was sick. She described what medicines she used and how late she was up til and what was on TV at 3 in the morning. She had a very country accent and drawled out her r's. The lady two people in front of me offered her cart for me to put my handful of stuff in so I didn't have to hold it while I wait and try to jiggle Will in the baby sling. I am just standing there, not meaning to be nosy, but when you are a foot away from others, its hard not to over hear!

Its fascinating to me to think of how many people we come into contact with and never really talk too. I have no doubt the lady talking to her son, is at home right now helping her children get ready for another day of school. The lady behind me, is hopefully having a better night now that she got prescription drugs to help her ailing one. I stood there and smiled, made small talk and then went home to my own family.

How many people do we pass in the grocery store? In the restaurant at lunch? Driving in the car on the way home? Or walking down the hallway? What kind of impression is left behind? Is it positive or negative? Did they catch you at a bad time as you're frustrated and yelling at your children? Or did you give a much needed smile to the poor overworked and underpaid cashier?
When you are a christian, you are being watched all the time. The world is watching and waiting to see how and when you're going to mess up. I always try to remember that it only takes one wrong word to throw your whole testimony out the window.

The Lord places us in situations for a reason. I remember the anticipation and excitement I used to feel on the first day of classes when I was in college. I knew without a doubt that there was a reason my class schedule worked out the way it did. It was no mistake that I happened to sit a few rows behind one who would become my dear friend and future sister-in-law. It wasn't a mistake that I had many classes with an older black woman who became my close friend and would later need to find comfort as she lost her granddaughter to a tragic accident. So many situations I could tell you of how God placed people in my path for a specific reason. I try to remember that and to not let Him down during the mundane times of my life. You never know who is watching and what seeds you could plant while you're standing in line at Wal-mart!

"Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else."
~2 Corinthians 9:13

I've Been Swervin'

I have this weird philosophy that a vacation is a cleansing trip. It's a time to go, regenerate, refresh yourself and come back relaxed and ready to tackle this world again. There are certain things I like to do before leaving on vacation, one of them is cleaning my house. I love to come home to a clean house, with clean towels in the bathrooms, toys put away, clean sheets on the beds and an empty dishwasher. I know-I'm weird! This morning I vacuumed everything-ceiling fans, lampshades, baseboards, and on and on. Our long awaited vacation is imminent and I am in my preparation mode! Watch out-here I come!

I have to tell you, I need some good 'ole relaxation time. I need to unwind and let so many things go. Lately, I have been letting so many things get to me. I have been letting certain people get under my skin. I replay conversations over and over in my mind and I get angrier and angrier. I go to sleep and dream about it and then wake up mad! I have to take a step back and think, "What is wrong with me!?" Why have I let others interrupt my peace? Why do I let them control my emotions?

Yesterday I was sitting in the church nursery, rocking my little man and I started to again replay a certain situation and I felt anger and resentment start to fill up my soul. All of a sudden, in an instant, God opened my eyes and I saw it-Spiritual war was all around me and not only was I was being defeated, I was not even fighting. I was letting the enemy attack me right there in God's house. I started to pray fervently, asking Him to forgive me and to take control of my heart again. Satan was hitting me where it hurt most. He wouldn't let me forgive and forget. I knew then that I had been letting him attack me in God's house all along-isn't my body His holy temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)? I saw that God was trying to prepare me for something and Satan knew it too-he was trying his hardest to mess it up. How could I fulfill God's purposes for my life when my heart was not in the right place? All things come back to the condition of the heart (Proverbs 4:23). I also saw another of my many flaws-I hadn't been putting on my armor, I hadn't been reading and studying the Word like I should (Ephesians 6:11). I hadn't talked to God about my feelings-only to my husband, who as much as I love him, can't fill me and change me like God can (and he's not supposed too!).

Sometimes we need to see ourselves for the insignificant people we are, to see how much we need such an almighty God. I am looking forward to regrouping and seeing what God has prepared for me. I need to clean out all my cobwebs and get rid of the dirt I have let the world leave behind. Just like cleaning my house -I need to do the same with my life. I need to shake off all that hinders me from being who God wants me to be. I am reminded that I cannot change other people, only myself. I cannot control what comes out of others mouths-only what comes out of mine. I cannot control a situation, but God can and I have to let go and let Him do it.

"Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet

and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

Keep your foot from evil."

~Proverbs 4:23-27

Let Go!!!

Yesterday I attempted to do something I've never done before -cut a little boys hair! Foster was in desperate need of a haircut. We have only taken him to a Barber shop one time-it was a nightmare. He was kicking and screaming until he couldn't scream anymore (all while sitting in his daddy's lap!) For his second haircut, I took him to my friend Victoria's house. It was amazing! He sat on the stool, watched part of Happy Feet, eating some cereal and barely moved while she cut his hair. I asked Victoria earlier this week if she'd have time to cut his hair again. We are going out of town soon and wanted it done before then. She said she would, for me to call and she'd "work us in". I could see how unbelievably busy she was so I decided, I had three choices-I could wait and see if Victoria had more time next week or (since I didn't think I'd have time to do it next week) he could go to the Barber shop with Wesley on Saturday or I could save myself $12 and the drama and just do it myself.

I decided to go with the last choice. I have to admit-you can definitely tell I cut it :-) but it doesn't look so horrible that I'm going to make him wear a hat when we go anywhere! Wesley keeps saying, "It looks fine Marion-he looks like a little boy!" which in my mind says, "Well, it's not too horrible, but boy can you tell a professional didn't cut it!" And I thought, "What was I thinking? I should have waited for Victoria!" It's...second best.

I got to thinking, isn't that what we settle for when we don't wait for God and go out trying to do it all on our own? We settle for second best, not His best, but the world's best. So many times I get impatient with God. I want it done right now, my way or no way and so I give up on Him and take matters into my own hands. How many blessings have I missed out on by doing that? I can just see Him shaking His head saying, "Here she goes again, if she'd only just wait, she'd see what I am doing!" There's an old poem that I love and that really hits home the whole "Letting Go and Letting God" issue.

It goes like this:

As children bring their broken toys,

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

because He is my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help,

with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back again

and cried, "How can you be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go."

If only it was as simple as getting a haircut! I'm learning, but I'll keep striving to JUST LET IT GO!!!

(Here are a few pic's of before and after Foster's first haircut back in May)

No Longer Divided

Teach me your way, O Lord and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ~ Psalm 86:11

How divided are our hearts? Life gives us so much to handle, so much to process, at times its hard to keep up. I feel at times like my life is divided between wife, teacher, mother, cook, taxi driver, maid, student and on and on I could go. So much to do, so little time. I need to sit and ask the Lord to "teach me His ways" so that I can continue to "walk in His truths".

Our hearts should never be divided. We can be many things to many people, but never all things to all people, only God can be that. We must ask Him to give us an undivided heart. A heart fully devoted to Him and to His agenda-not our own. The circumstances in my life may not change (nor do I really want them too), but my heart can change how I see those circumstances. I can praise my God while washing dishes or changing diapers. I can thank Him for the food He provides for my table and for the kitchen floor I have to mop. Do you live with an ongoing, reverence or fear for Your God? So often I think we ask Him why our lives cannot be different or "if you'd only give me a bigger house or a bigger paycheck..." and on and on our requests go. How often do we ever really stop and thank Him, stop and realize how abundantly blessed we are; stop and stand in awe of our God?

I'm a Little Princess

Last night when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner he said, "Something with cheese!"
...so I suggested Burger King cheeseburgers. I was excited with this arrangement-it meant I didn't have to cook dinner! Whenever I run up the road to Burger King (which isn't that often!) I always take my Foster man with me. He loves to just ride in the car. As long as someone is leaving and he gets to go-he doesn't care what the destination is! This time Randol asked to come along. We were sitting at the window waiting for our food in the drive thru when Randol says, "Do you think they'd let me have one of those crowns?" So, I asked the lady if we could have two crowns, which she smiled and went and got them. Randol put it on her head and said, "Look mommy-I'm your princess and Foster is your prince!" Once Foster saw Randol with her crown on, he put his on. I had to smile at how he looked, with his lopsided crown on his head while he looked out the window sucking his thumb with his blanket!

During and after dinner they played with those crowns. It's amazing how much fun a piece of cardboard can be!

It got me thinking though, don't we all want to be a "Princess for a day"? Don't we want to feel treasured and adored. To have our Prince charming ride his white horse (or run down black Geo Prism) and sweep us off into the sunset (or to Carrabbas for dinner)? Think of every fairy tale you've seen, there is always a damsel in distress and a handsome prince who comes and rescues her. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Maria in Sound of Music, Beauty and the Beast, Marion in Braveheart and on and on I could go. It is a desire ingrained in us we can't get rid of, nor should we want too!
Yall, we are that damsel in distress and Christ rides in on His white horse (which He really will do someday) and rescues us from our sin; from whatever enemy that has us held captive. We are loved, adored, found beautiful and found wanted, all in His eyes. We are His treasured possession (Malachi 3:17). Think about that. The God of the universe, the One who creates precious little babies and paints the sunsets....delights in YOU (Zephaniah 3:17)!!!

Let Him rescue you and sweep you off into the sunset. He wants so much to be your King of Kings, your Lord of Lords. All you have to do is ask...So go have a good day and never forget-YOU ARE A PRINCESS!!!

PS~Can you tell I have been re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge? :-) Good Stuff!!!

Too Much of a Good Thing

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of of rebirth and through renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Christ Jesus our Savior, so that having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life...I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good..."

~Titus 3:4-8

What does that mean to do devote ourselves to doing what is good? Is going to church good? Is volunteering for nursery duty and to teach Sunday School and to go to choir, good? How about how you raise your family or how you handle yourself in the grocery store.

How is your relationship with Christ? Are you too busy DOING to have time for the One who "poured out on us generously" and "saved us because of His mercy"? The world tells us to to DO, DO, DO, but are you just struggling to keep your head above water? If you are....you are DOING too much.

God doesn't want us to live gasping for air, He wants us to live in His shadow, doing good works that HE prepared in advance for us to do...not things we THINK we have to do just because others expects us to. There is a big difference. I think so often we see a need somewhere and think we are the ones who have to fill that need and we never once ask God if He wants us to or not. Maybe He planned for someone one else to do that good thing, but now we robbed them of it just because we figured we could do it.

Someone once told me to "Keep the main thing-the main thing". What is the "main thing" in your life right now? Mine is homeschooling and raising my small children. It won't always be my "main thing", but for right now that's it. To do anything that interferes with that, would be wrong.

Lately my husband and I have been, not arguing I'd say, but maybe disagreeing is a better word. I have a bad habit of trying to "fill those holes" when it seems no one else will. A few "hole filling" occasions have come up and when I ask Wesley's opinion of whether I should volunteer or not he says without hesitation, "No! Absolutely not!" and I get angry. Why? Because I know he's right and it makes me mad! He reminds me over and over what my "main thing is" and reminds me I have a full plate right now before I even step out the door. Now does that mean I can sit and be idle, using my children as an excuse to not do ANYTHING? No...it just means I need to pick and choose what I do and not try to do everything..

My good friend Victoria always reminds me to "get under my husbands umbrella!" What does that mean? God is over all of us, with a huge umbrella, then our husbands are under that, with a smaller umbrella protecting us. We are to follow their lead, their spiritual guidance and direction. They will have a lot more to answer to when they get to heaven. Whenever I am unsure of something, I ask Wesley and I'm learning to let go and to get under my husbands umbrella-under his hedge of protection from this world and often from myself!

I have to remind myself that anything-even volunteering for church things, can be a burden. I must constantly ask Him, Is this a good thing? Satan can so often use church to make us resentful and angry. Just remember, we are saved by grace-not because of anything we have done or are doing. So...keep the main thing, the main thing and learn to live under your husband's umbrella. If you are a husband-make sure you stay under God's umbrella! So next time you are asked to do something-before you jump in and fill that good thing, stop, step back and ask Him-is this what YOU want me to do?

A No-Brainer of a Day

Today, I lost my mind. I think I misplaced it somewhere between 2:30 and 4:30 am. Last night I was up with Randol as she fought off a fever and couldn't sleep. I had to wake up at 6am to take a shower. I have learned that if I don't take one before the boys wake up-it's not going to happen!

My husband does not drink coffee, he drinks tea. So every morning I walk down the hallway in a fog and start my coffee maker and boil some water to make Wesley's tea. Around 3am I decided I was REALLY going to need my coffee in the morning and figured I probably wouldn't have much energy to get the Foldgers out of the fridge so I went ahead and set up the coffee maker. I also got out my tea pot and set it on the stove ready for the morning.


Fast forward 3 hours...My coffee is going and I try and breathe in the aroma in hopes to wake myself up. I keep smelling something burning, but can't figure out what it is. About 5 minutes go by and I start to wonder if maybe something is wrong with the gas on my stove, then I realized...I started the burner with the pot and NO WATER!!! Luckily I realized this before burning down my house!


Now..fast forward to this afternoon. I had to take the boys to get their ears re-checked from their recent ear infections. I'm checking out, paying with my debit card while holding Will on one shoulder and Foster on the other. I threw my card in the diaper bag thinking I needed to get it before it fell out and I lost it. I leave the doctors office, on my way to the bank to pull money out of the ATM. I'm searching through the diaper bag, taking things out, checking and re-checking and I realize-my debit card is not there. It must have fallen out! I try to calm myself and not think of the stranger who could have found it laying in the parking lot with visions of money in their heads. I call the pediatrics and get my friend Becca who works there, to go look for me. After about 10 minutes she returns not finding the card. I'm just about to call my husband and tell him what a mess I made when I decide to recheck my back pocket...and what would you know... it was there the whole time! I guess I must have missed it somehow.


My mother always says that if she gets diagnosed with Alzheimer's to make sure we tell the doctors it started in her twenties...what can I say, I am my mothers daughter!


I wish I had some spiritual insight as to my mishaps. Something about how God loves us even when make stupid mistakes (which He does, thank goodness!), but I'm tired, the Braves are in the 12th inning and its 11pm. I'm all out of wisdom at the moment, I'll try again in the morning! Good-night yall..I'm going to bed!

Gettin' Our Praise On!

Last night was a "Guys night". The men in our SS class met for dinner while us wives, managed at home with the children. After eating a wonderful meal of leftover chicken and rice casserole (wonderful b/c I didn't have to cook it!) and giving baths, I walked in the living room and what would you know, one of my favorite songs was playing on the radio. I turned it up real loud and about two seconds later it was over. I had caught the very end of it. I hate when that happens!

I unfortunately don't have the song on a CD or else I would've popped it in. I went on a mission. I went to Google and thought maybe someone would have a posting of it. I typed in "I'll Fly Away"-yes the old gospel, country song, that's the one. I love the new one on the radio it's a contemporary, hip version. I finally found a video from a church where a man played it on the violin and it was accompanied with piano and drums. There were no words and since Randol and I aren't too confident after the second stanza, I looked up the words.
I had Foster in my lap and I turned that music up so loud and Randol and I sang at the top of our voices and Foster clapped and swayed along with us. Randol said, "That's the song you want us to sing at your funeral right mommy?" She has heard me tell my husband that many times. Sounds morbid I know, but it's true! A few months ago our music minister, Justin played that song with a violin and it was infectious. You could feel it go through your whole body, the rejoicing, the happiness of being in heaven with our Heavenly Father. And I told Wesley, "One day in about 60 years hopefully, I want someone to play that song at my funeral, the upbeat version!"

I was reminded last night of one of Beth Moore's posts. She talked about singing her praise and dancing with her grandson. How happy it makes the Lord when we praise Him! I know that last night He had a smile on His face!

We so often associate death with sadness or fear, but that song reminds me of the joy in death. The joy in leaving this life behind and living with "no shackles on my feet", no weariness in my body, and "where joy will never end". Is there really such a place? If only we could always have that eternal perspective, that eternal promise, things in this life would be so much more bearable.

I once heard someone say that to a christian, earth is as close as we will ever get to hell and to a non-christian, earth is the closest they will ever get to heaven. Heaven on earth? Yall, there is just no such thing! We may have our "heavenly moments" I call them, but they are fleeting and do not last. We have to hold on to that promise that we will live in paradise and walk along those streets of gold and actually see those huge pearly gates that are made out of only ONE pearl! And even better, we will get to bask in the glow of the real Son, the Light that will never fade.

Keep your eyes straight ahead, focused on the One true leader. Don't look beside you or behind you, keep your eyes on Him and He will lead you out of whatever pit you are in. He longs to "gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing."(Matthew 23:37). Oh my dear friend- BE WILLING!!! He has set eternity in our hearts (Ecc.3:11) now go live your life knowing that one day, you will fly away to "God's celestial shores..."
Ahhh...some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away...